1998; Khatta and Great!

1998 is a year that will forever be etched in my memory.

It was when I finally took off the rose-tinted glasses I was hitherto so accustomed to wearing. It was when I was smacked in the face with the bitter truth that ‘Happily Ever Afters’ have a higher likelihood of appearing in the last line of fairy tales than in the scary tale that is life!πŸ˜…

Unforgettable it was, for my soulmate was shoved headlong into the very pits of hell! And I could do nothing, just helplessly watch, all the while feeling my soul get slashed and shredded to a million fragments.πŸ˜₯

It’s a rather childish notion that a soulmate= a romantic/life partner. πŸ™„Β TheΒ two terms are just about as similar as chalk is to cheese!

Loosely defined, a soulmate is one who’s cut from the same cloth as you are. Someone who compliments you, not necessarily someone who completes you. Someone who stirs the very core of your being.

It could be a friend or your dog or teacher or a parent or even, an uncle! The possibilities are endless!!!

Anyhoo, so here I was, all morose and crestfallen, right through the first half of the year. And then, words that have never been truer were sung! Lyrics that touched whatever was left of my ravaged soul, a phenomenal composition that tugged at the strings of my despondent heart and whispered through the fog enveloping my listless mind.

Who can forget the much-understated ‘Aye Ajnabi‘ from Dil Se? While the effervescent Chhaiyaan Chhaiyaan, the sensuous Satrangi Re and the bubbly Jiya JaleΒ took the whole world by storm, it was the divine Aye Ajnabi that managed to calm the storm brewing in my world. Never has a song caught me so off-guard, as if taking to me directly! NEVER EVER!!!

Aye Ajnabi Tu Bhi Kabhi Aawaaz De Kahin Se
Aye Ajnabi Tu Bhi Kabhi Aawaaz De Kahin Se
Main Yahan Tukdon Mein Jee Raha Hoon
Main Yahan Tukdon Mein Jee Raha Hoon
Tu Kahin Tukdone Mein Jeen Rahi Hai
Aye Ajnabi Tu Bhi Kabhi Aawaaz De Kahin Se

Tu To Nahin Hai Lekin Teri Muskurahatein Hain
Chehra Nahin Hai Par Teri Aahatein Hain
Tu Hai Kahan Kahan Hai
Tera Nishaan Kahan Hai
Mera Jahan Kahan Hai
Main Adhoora Tu Adhoori Jee Rahein Hain

There have been very few occasions on which SRK has redeemed himself in my eyes and Dil Se was one such film where he didn’t disappoint. Ditto for Manisha. She’s ”acted’ in so many beautiful films but she lived and breathed ‘Dil Se’ and, for me, the two will always be synonymous.

Dil Se was a doomed lovestory (brilliant, yet not the conventional happily-ever-after) and hence it couldn’t do very much to dispel the pall of gloom hanging over me.

But then, I heard this and how I wished it had hit the jukebox earlier!πŸ˜‰

Jab kisiki taraf dil jhukane lage
 Baat aakar juba tak rukane lage
 Aankho aankho me ikraar hone lage
 ....................................
 
 Chahane jab lage dil kisee kee khushee
 Dillagee yeh nahee yeh hai dil kee lagee😍😘
 Aandhiyo ko dabane se kya fayda
 Pyaar dil me chhupane se kya fayda🀷

This lovely, soulful tune from Pyaar To Hona Hi Tha worked like a charm to reinstill my fledgling faith in love. Even if it is of the unrequited kind!

And that’s when I made my peace with life! And realized, that sometimes, the intangible/ the unsaid is so much more fulfilling than it getting fleshed out and becoming reality. Ponder on that while I get back with some more pearls of wisdom. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

 

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Bachna Mr. Bachchan

IMG-20180323-WA0004So, the First Family of Bollywood finds itself in the eye ofΒ  a storm once again! πŸ™„

Apparently, the Bachchan patriarch wished everyone from his wife to his kaamwalibai on Women’s DayπŸ˜†, completely forgetting to wish the Most Beautiful “Woman” in the world, who, by the way, happens to be his son’s wife and the mother of his granddaughter! 🀷

Twitter, expectedly, is in an uproar as to how the granddaughter was remembered but not the one who brought her into the world. Twitter clearly doesn’t follow Ekta Kapoor!!! πŸ˜‚ No wonder they don’t have an effing clue that a daughter-in-law is NEVER EQUAL to a daughter. She has been imposed upon a family by law and is viewed only as a means to propagate the family she will never ever truly be a part of!

I’m amazed people don’t know that already. Or that they don’t know who the real villain is in such scenarios. If you recall, a couple of months ago, the Bachchan matriarch pulled a similar stunt on her daughter-in-law and pouted and preened for the front coverΒ  of Vogue with her biological daughter. The bahu made a dejected entry later and it all left one with such a bad taste in the mouth. Ho Na ho, the mother from Kal Ho Na Ho is surely behind the latest fiasco too! πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

And it all fits in well! A woman is, after all, another’s biggest enemy! Imagine what kind of a nemesis a mil can be to her dil if she chooses to be! *Shudders*😰😱😱😱

Like recently, a dear friend came to pour her heart out to me. Her little girlΒ  fell rather ill due to a contagious bout of viral fever doing the rounds in the city. Now, this girl’s father was deployed on official duty but he kept issuing regular updates to his family about the girl’s condition. Everyone was suitably concerned except for………..Of course…………No prizes for guessing…The little girl’s grandmother!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

The climatic change in the baby’s city wasn’t considered as a causative factor or even the fact that kids share their tiffin and water with each other in school where a stomach bug could easily be picked up.

I kid you not, the granny actually insinuated over WhatsApp that since her son (the little girl’s father) ain’t physically present in the house, the little girl must be consuming food from a restaurant daily instead of healthy, home-cooked meals!!! *Face palm* 🀦

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how her beloved granddaughter contracted the illness! *Drumroll* and *slow claps*

Khud toh meri saas ek bhi function miss nahi karti, confided my friend. Shaadi, roce, portoponn, and even antim sanskaars!!!πŸ˜‚Β Har jagah apne chulhe ko toh nahi leti hai Na😏 In fact, after feasting on free food, her saas and sasur derive far greater pleasure inΒ  criticizing the fare!πŸ™„ And then, she wonders, why should they have an issue with her “supposedly” ordering food from out.πŸ€”Such hypocrites!!!😏

And now, comes the grand moment of revelation! πŸ“’Brace yourselves guys! Her own son fed her grandbaby some lovely crispy-fried πŸ— from KFC to tide over his guilty feeling of being separated from his kid for the next few months!!!

That an educated woman, who was gainfully employed all her life, should come up with a preposterous explanation, without having concrete proof that her granddaughter’s guardians were indeed perched on their fat arses, busy patronizing Swiggy and Zomato, speaks volumes about the kind of woman she is! In the past, she’s chaired women’s empowerment cells in her hometown and has been lauded publicly for championing women’s rights . Little do her besotted admirersΒ  know that privately, within the confines of her phone, she chooses to tear down her grandbaby’s guardians with her vindictive speculations.

Fortunately, there still exist some good judges of character in the world who can X-ray such people pretty accurately. And these recognize that more often than not, beneath a cool, seemingly unperturbed and glassy facade lies a bubbling, venomous volcano.

The little girl’s mother, a good friend of mine, confided to me that her in-laws, most notably her co-bil and her mil, saw issues with her hygiene levels. The former even advised her husband to give her a divorce over it! πŸ˜²πŸ˜²πŸ˜²πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„Yet, he astonishingly sends a steady supply of porn to her husband in private on Whatsapp!!!🀷 Shocking!!!!

And the mil embarks on a Swachch Bharat Abhiyaan everytime she spots a speck in someone’s eye, totally ignoring the mammoth logs lodged in her own!

Eating home-cooked food and maintaining supreme hygiene levels in your kitchen and refrigerator is all praiseworthy.πŸ‘πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ That must mean your household is so blessed, sickness has never ever touched anyone in there. Perhaps, all can be contenders for immortality too, which is all good!πŸ‘΅

But what about mental cleanliness and hygiene? If that is lacking and your moral fiber ain’t strong, if your grown-ass kids indulge in illicit affairs behind their spouse’s back, revel in watching porn and be Amorous outside the house after saying the Amori when insideπŸ˜œπŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ I think the mother in question has failed even worse than the mother who orders off Swiggy and Zomato!

Poshan sahi but parvarish mein kami…. bhala kis kaam ki?πŸ€”πŸ€·

I was too boggled by her revelations and by the end of it all, I could issue just one piece of advice for her to convey to her milπŸ‘‡

To all Mothers-In-Law, if your grandkids fall ill the next time, it’s all your worthless daughter-in-law’s doing! To hell with floating viruses, pollens and bacteria… The real culprit is only and only the MAA! πŸ€°Β πŸ€·πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

 

 

Mona Darling

While the whole planet is obsessing over the unfortunate demise of India’s First Female Superstar, I’d like to spare a thought for her nemesis, also the bonafide wife to the pathetic excuse of a man that they shared!

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For those who aren’t clued in to what really transpired, Sridevi snatched her best friend’s husband from right under her nose! Whilst nestled in the latter’s plush house, no less!!! Gullible Mona had no inkling her generosity to shelter a homeless (and heartless) friend would soon render her lifeless. Her final few years were racked with physical pain and emotional upheavals. The Gods didn’t see fit to grant her even her dying wish…to watch her son on celluloid.

Mona was blessed with a firecracker of a mother, a personality type that would have put the fear of God in Boney. Sadly, she gave up without a fight in marriage and in life. She would have done well to learn from the woman whose example I’ve cited below.

There’s a lady I know who was so distraught by her husband’s infidelity that she beat the living daylights out of him. The lying rat concocted a sob story for the benefit of his folks. Who all ganged up against her and left no stone unturned in breaking up her marriage and family. Her judgemental father-in-law tried to tarnish her image with the same brush his son brushed his lying teeth with! He questioned his grandkids’ paternity, thereby questioning her character. Yet, he still hasn’t come forward with conclusive proof to give credence to his venomous spewings. This lady’s brother-in-law (husband’s brother) was an even bigger snake to orchestrate a sting operation of sorts, trying to get her to reply back to his flirtatious chats, and thus provide damning evidence against her. But the fact that this lady possesses a much superior moral fiber and regard for her marital vows is something these highly-qualified yet illiterate oafs will never get! Now had he chatted up his own adulterous sister using an alias, I’m sure he’d dig his own grave…for he’d surely die out of embarrassment with her shameless overtures!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

In contrast, Mona had great in-laws andΒ  could have stripped Boney to the bone. But she chose the dignified way to lie low and ultimately went to lie 6 feet below!

I quite like this woman. After all, she’s given us the affable Arjun Kapoor. But I wish she’d fought the injustice tooth and nail like the ordinary woman whose example I’ve mentioned above.Β The gutsy one who’d tried to slap some sense into her husband and smack her in-laws in their face with their failure in garnering evidence of her questionable character.Β  Dignity doesn’t always work in the real world.Β  Had Mona caused everyone to Rona, then I’d really love her. And would gladly call her my Mona Darling!

Ka(r)ma Kutra

Or kutri cuz she’s quite the mean bitch! 🀣

She rarely arrives on time but know this! She’s always a certainty, never a probability.

So, put on your thinking caps, folks. Maybe you rained on someone’s parade… Someone who’d had a tough innings and was counting on that one occasion as a departure from the overwhelming gloom that their life was inundated with. Or maybe you orchestrated misunderstandings and fights to your advantage. Perhaps you drove a poor, hapless soulΒ  you secretly harbor a grudge against to bankruptcy, by inhumanly getting him to repay your loan. Or maybe you’re guilty of the biggest sin of them all. You’ve questioned a child’s paternity, it’s mother’s credibility and tried your best driving a wedge between a couple in your fanatical mission of breaking a family apart.😱 Whether or not you owe up to your charges, the universe will mete out her justice. In her own sweet time, and, in her own sweet way. 5 years or 50, in the context of the universe, these are mere nanoseconds. And thus what we begin seeing as delayed justice or justice denied altogether is actually justice snowballing herself to form her worst version. Crafted especially for you. Or your descendants. Be sure of this! Be very sure!

 

Recently, I saw Karma dished out in full glory at the Golden Globes. While JA took to stage, her arch nemesis AJ couldn’t bear to look anywhere but down at her own golden globes!πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚Β  Or what’s left of them anyway! 🀣🀣🀣

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Karma bit AJ’s ass a whole decade later but boy! Was the interminable wait worth it or what? I mean to see your man snatched by a younger woman exactly the same way you snatched him from his wife…Now that’s karma served in style! πŸ‘Œ

Closer home, Karma arrived fashionably late for the current toast of the Indian telly space, Bigg Boss 11 winner, Shilpa Shinde. In just two years, she avenged from Vikas Gupta everything he’d robbed from her. And that’s not all! As if it was nature’s masterstroke befitting the mastermind, a portion of her winnings was ‘donated’ to him. He lost to her in the finale of life and he lost face badly!

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Another person who ended up looking like an oaf was Shilpa’s ex-fiance. I’m so glad the woman was ballsy enough even in her youth to call off her wedding to a man who was clearly swaddled in his mother’s petticoat.

Most in-laws are cut from the same cloth. They are of the opinion that the bride is a mere marionette who must be strictly discouraged to think for herself, to do as she pleases and to have her say/wish. She is viewed as a means of their wish fulfillment because they too obliged their elders in the past. This just frustrates the poor bahu and slowly, but surely, she turns into a controlling, vile old woman, a spitting image of the very in-laws she abhorred. I’m so grateful for the small number of gutsy women out there who dare to cut the puppeteer’s strings and choose to shield their soul from being ravaged and value their sanity above all else. And you, Shilpa, are a winner for me only because you chose to live life on your terms than have frustrated, repressed in-laws manipulate you from the word go.

That’s it for today folks. Just detach yourself from toxic people and the toxic worlds they inhabit. There is no need to do anything more. Let Karma do the dirty work for you. Trust me, she’ll wrap things up in great style. Like this πŸ‘‡πŸ˜‚

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No Mog at Vogue!

‘Tis a curious case of the green eye. Although the bhabi was born with it, the nanad (also, an anagram for Nanda, get it?!!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚) flashes it more often! 😜

December 26, 2010 saw the insecurity of a daughter unfold towards a daughter-in-law on national TV. Seven years hence, status quo seems maintained!

Recently, Vogue erroneously accommodatedΒ Navya Naveli Nanda in a frame that should have ideally been reserved for only ‘The Bachchan Women’! 😳😳😳 Nandu… oops! Nanda surname gaya tel lene!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

 

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Purely by the strength of her illustrious maiden name, which she has hung on to rather assiduously, Shweta qualified for the photo op. And the same phenomenon, in reverse, must have done Ash in. But if there’s anyone who absolutely deserved to be clicked, it was lil Aaradhya. She certainly has more claim on the Bachchan name than Navya! Why wasn’t she in the pic then? Oh, I forgot! Like always, she’d need mommy dearest to carry her!!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Isliye Rai aur cutiePie dono ko bol diya Tata Bye Bye!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Looking closely, the First Family of Bollywood appears to suffer from the same malaise crippling every other nondescript family in the world. An envious daughter who spites the daughter-in-law for taking her place in the family is such a Kahaani Ghar Ghar Ki! She who will sway her mother’s thoughts and father’s emotions so as to never let them wholeheartedly accept and wholly include the new entrant, thereby leaving the hapless soul to fend for herself as an outsider all her life. Subtle taanas to explosive tamaashas, they ARE the norm in families with mixed-gender rather than same-sex siblings. Husbands of two sisters/ wives of two brothers share a better camaraderie than a bhabi and nanad. Had Abhishek a brother or Shweta a sister, the Bachchans would never have to contend with such an embarrassing spread. Goes to prove that naari hi doosri naari pe padti hai bhaari!😏

Saif: The Male Kaif!

Lately, I find Saif relentlessly pulling off a Kaif! She plays dumb on celluloid and he in tabloids!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Sangat ka asar πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

What was that Sunny-Deolesque bhaari barkam dhai-kilo ka ‘baat’ πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ he recently threw in our faces? Eugenics, right?😨😷

That very term seems to have failed him terribly early on in life. Β Why else did he not walk the hallowed halls of Oxford University unlike the rest of his illustrious clan? Why else did he not hit a sixer like his acclaimed father? Although he certainly resembled one [read chhaka] πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ for the better part of his youth!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Bottomline: Eugenics should never ever be elaborated on by an erstwhile eunuch!!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚Woah..the alliterations in that one!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

His reasoning on why nepotism rocks is beyond bizarre. He says people should invest in pedigree because they are the likeliest to succeed in any given field. Brace yourselves guys! I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Jacckky ‘SHOWOFF’ (Bhagnani), Vivek O-BORE-BOI and Jaa [S]Imran Jaa (Khan) yet!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Eugenics also permit Abhishek to burn producers’ moolah and gaajars too πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ at the stake! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Investing in Eugenics has proved profitable at times but those have been far and few. Imagine if no one had tapped into Hrithik Roshan’s potential!!! 😱 That lad would still be twiddling his thumbs at home. All 3 of them!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I can just feel it in my bones that Sara Ali Khan is gonna shame ‘Eugenics’ and the ‘Promoter’ of that word real soon! What a karmic treat it’d be if she was to debut opposite Varun Dhawan in a disaster-of-a-film helmed by the Snooty Flag Bearer of Nepotism himself! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Kangana would certainly be like this πŸ‘‡

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Karma Deductions

July 15, 2017 is a date sure to go down in the annals of cinematic history.

Very rarely do you see pedigree shame itself. Three successful men, with roots in the industry deeper than those of that ancient banyan tree in your courtyard, made bumbling fools of themselves by proudly defending nepotism of all things in the world! 😳😳😳😷😷😷😷That too on national TV!!! 😱😱😱 Life truly imitated art, for indeed, we saw 3 Idiots for real on that day!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Nepotism and its cousin, the infamous Casting Couch,.. remind me so much of Lord Voldemort! πŸ‘½ They who must never be named!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

On and off, several small-time starlets have summoned a mustard-seed-of-courage to speak up against these twin evils sullying the industry since its inception. We never did hear from them again. Their careers were finished before they could even begin!

And then came a woman with balls bigger than those of all the men collectively in Bollywood. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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The Queen Bee..tch .. Β is what these sissies call her behind her back! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

She hit a towering sixer when she asked the Sixer of Bollyland [Hrithik, who else πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚] to not hide behind his father but to deal with her directly in the open as he used to clandestinely deal with her behind closed doors in the past! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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She then locked horns with the frivolous KJo who we have been JLoing like his Hollywood counterpart. The cherry on the icing is that she did it on his own chat show!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

She called him out for ridiculing her accent when she was a struggler much to her co-guest, Saif Ali Khan’s discomfort. As if that wasn’t enough to set their mouths wide open, she left them with their jaws burrowed deep in their chest when she accused Johar (and rightly so) of being a “Snooty Flag Bearer of Nepotism” and a “Movie Mafia” of sorts. Her candor was so refreshing especially since half of the season could best be described as a diplomatic saga.

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Kangana’s a smart woman because she chose to wait for the right time to fight these bullies. When she’s at the top of her game without fear of being silenced like the not-so-fortunate newbies. When she’s so secure in her space that she refuses to worship the ground the movers and shakers of the film fraternity walk on. When nobody can topple her off the pinnacle because even if you consider all of them together, collectively they don’t possess even an iota of her talent!

I never was a huge fan of Kangana in her early days of acting. She cloned herself in every other release so much so that I couldn’t tell a Gangster apart from Woh Lamhe or even a Fashion.

And then came Once Upon A Time… and I was hooked onto the fabulous success story she single-handedly penned in this male-dominated world she was born to rule over.

I used to admire her bravado for lashing out against the cowards who doused her sister with acid but it was only earlier this year that I fell in love with her simplicity when she appeared on the Kapil Sharma Show with Shahid and laughed her guts out at Gutthi’s adorable antics.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ She laughed without restrain…without any fear of her mascara smudging or her foundation caking. She laughed like a child…not like how a woman is conditioned by society to laugh.

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And now I respect her because she spat out her grudges to the person who’d wronged her to his face and didn’t indulge in malicious gossip behind his back. She wasn’t overly sweet to him neither was she vindictive but she’d cleared the air between them and had KJo been mature about the whole thing, Dharma was sure to spring a blockbuster in the near future with the Queen, no less, at the helm.

But the man-baby had to cry on every shoulder he found. In London, whilst speaking to Anupama Chopra, the presumptuous old fart embarrassed himself by revealing that he was surprised Kangana even knew the meaning of Flag Bearer of Nepotism!!! 😎

Kangana herself had mentioned it to him that Anupama’s husband is her biggest well-wisher in the industry. Either KJo intended for the spite to reach Kangs’ ears loud and clear or he’s as dumb as the films he conceives to want to bare his bleeding heart to someone who clearly belongs in Camp Kangana!

Be as it may, he dug his own grave at the IIFA by dissing her when she wasn’t even around to defend herself. How cowardly! I’ve never doubted him being a sissy but the machismo Saif and Varun exude on screen has to be a sham! 😜Kangana has had no issue with both hitherto so their ass-kissing stunt, just to score a few brownie points from Johar, speaks volumes about their gentlemanly facade. Good thing that they aren’t gonna forget the dreadful taste of their feet in their mouth anytime soon!😎

Not sure about the fate of Dharma Productions, but Karma deductions for distasteful behaviour happened in full swing on that day!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

 

Not a Pankha of Tubelight

I just caught Tubelight and it was the most enlightening 3 hours of my life. I’ve concluded:

  1. Salman’s impressive Bajrangi had to be a fluke!
  2. Sohail’s impressive Bharat is certainly a fluke!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

The two play out their real-life relationship on reel and it’s so sickeningly sweet, bhai’s fans could do without a helping of Sheer Korma on Eid! Director Kabir Khan really overdid the Cheeni in this one.. Pun intended!😝

Set against the backdrop of the Sino-Indian War of 1962, Sohail, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Mr. Bean, has to go fight the CheenπŸ˜‚ I kid you not but the soldiers have been shown as actually ambling across enemy territory like one would in a park!😱 No wonder we lost! πŸ˜‚Kabir Khan’s expertise lies in war films but the war montage here is laughable at best.

China prepares for a truce and sets up a Laxman Rekha, but how I wish they’d draw a Rekha for the real Laxman in the film! πŸ˜‚ Salman really overstepped his boundary in the film! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚Whatever glory was garnered in Bajrangi Bhaijaan, he’s given it up all without a fight (pun intended) in Tubelight. He does nothing that endears him toΒ his pankhas. No mara mari, no shirtless savari πŸ˜‚ Only his pravachan is jaari! πŸ˜‚

Yakeen hamesha dil mein rakho, dushmano se dosti karo, aur audience ko slow poison dekar maaro!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

A local magician exhorts him to believe and hope with all his heart to get things moving in life and he moves a bottle, then a mountain, but all the while, movesΒ us to tears!And I don’t mean that in a good way! His man-child act is so farcical when you compare it to a Krish or to a Samar. Salman’s expressions are so contrived, he ends up caricaturing Laxman horribly. I didn’t even tear up once in what were intended to be emotional scenes. Words like goo, susu and potty sum up the humor quotient of the film. Toilet humor is so passe and yet the bhai bhakts were rolling in mirth! 😳

Chinese import Zhu Zhu is as bland as the cuisine of her land! πŸ˜‚ Her son, Matin, is cute as a button but, this talkative munna is no match for the mute munni. And after watching such a jaded, preachy film, I’m speechless too! Again, not in a good way!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shabaas

Truly, this dude deserves all the accolades coming his way. Not only has he succesfully engraved the identity of Indian Cinema on the global map, he’s also effectively “SNAPped, short the “CHATting” ability of a certain Mr. Spiegel! πŸ˜·πŸ˜œπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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While the whole of my tribe is drooling over this ‘Made-In-India’ Adonis, I’d be quite content to be his mum…or his mother-in-law…lol. To me, he’s quite the Goody Two-Shoes! As for me, I need someone more badass, someone more wicked…like SRK..lol. See πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Anyhoo, word is that the “original” Miss Goody Two-Shoes from Bollywood would be collaborating with her male counterpart for next year’s mega- release, Saaho. 😷😷😷

I mean, wth! 😑😑😠😠 Are the makers even serious???!? Kat is a doll for Chrissakes!!! Wasn’t she crowned Human Barbie or something a while ago?Β Have you looked at her resume if not her repertoire? It clearly states that she can ONLY pout and preen before going back to looking like an ice queen! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Honestly guys, drop her! She’s as lethal as that suicide bomber who ripped Manchester apart. She’s gonna kill us Prabhas fans with her poor histrionics. 😰 In fact, I foresee a high probability of Prabhas’ fans turning against him on account of the inanimate vixen😭…We don’t wanna say Bakwaas to anything related to Prabhaas now, do we?

Rope in Shetty instead. She’ll save it from being shitty! πŸ˜œπŸ˜‚ And Saaho won’t turn into a Saho!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Of Chiknas and Chamelis

Usually, any moment is a good photo-op moment what with Β our stars always perfectly groomed. Unlike the days of yore, when fashion disasters were as likely as getting pigeon poop on your head, the current breed of stars seem to be a wisened lot.

So,while they twinkle brightly even in the dead of night donning glamorous labels and flaunting perfect coiffures, there’s only but once when they shone blazingly, looking like a million bucks. Here’s when:

  1. Ranbir in Badtameez Dil

It took him 6 looooooong years to metamorphose from the sissyish clone of his mother that he used to be to THIS! I can’t put my finger on what makes him look so bloody badtameez here! 😘 Is it his ruffled,shorter crop or the badass ring in his ear or his crisply tailored suit….I could go on and on…sigh!

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2. Can’t really leave his exes behind now, can I? 😝 Deepika in Lungi Dance.

Dippy always makes our tribe feel like we ought to crawl under a rock. But looking the way she did here, we almost smashed that rock on our heads!

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3. Katrina in Everything! πŸ˜‚ But she looks especially ghazab in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahaani.

Kat looks PHAT in EVERYTHING πŸ˜‚…never mind the botox jabs and all! Pre-2010, there used to some meat on her bones and her face boasted of an angelic quality that the hypodermic pricklies took away. Have a look at her ethereal beauty.

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4. Hrithik in Tu Meri

The Adonis of Hindi Cinema can’t be faulted for his look in his entire repertoire of films, but it took a Bang Bang! for him to get his look Bang-On in my sight! 😍😘

A huuuuuge fan of Simon Baker, I’ve likened Hrithik’s avatarΒ to the Mentalist himself ….if that ain’t a compliment, I don’t know what is! 😌

 

5. Preity Zinta in Dil Se…

Chubby cheeks, dimpled chin,

Rosy lips, Teeth Within,

Wavy hair, very fair

Eyes are true, lovely two

Preity Zinta is that you?

YES YES YES!!! 😁😁😁

Bollywood’s original dimpled-beauty has looked her best only at 2 times ..the first when she was a novice and the next when she was at the top of her game in Kal Ho Naa Ho and Salaam Namaste! Agree?

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6. SRK in Dear Zindagi

Like fine wine, the man’s gotten better with age😘…the histrionics, the stutter, and the sexy stubble too! 😜 KHAN the King get better than this?! 😝

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7. Aishwarya in Dil Dooba

Ash is a visual feast in every film she’s appeared. But that one look she totally rocked was that of a Latina with smouldering eyes, luscious curls and a scorching scarlet gown. Check it out

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