Koi-Nai-Aala

Just when you think someone is poised for big things in life comes that downward spiral, so steep,that there’s no chance of a resurrection and ascension a la Jesus Christ. Ah! I’ve been reading the Bible, you see. And I’m in a particularly reflective frame of mind today.

There’s no dearth of troubled beings in B-Town. Some might say they’re simply reaping the fruits of their own karma..but we’ll leave that for later.

One soul in particular, whose anguish tugs at my heartstrings, is Miss Koirala. I’ve never been a fan of hers whilst she was in the movies. But the woman has run into some rather tough times of late and anyone whom life dishes out a raw deal earns my full respect, support and prayers.

After being born into royalty, striking gold like Midas in her midis πŸ˜† at the BO, and being the recipient of coveted Critics’ awards (on more than one occasion) at prestigious award functions, you’d have thought the road ahead was a bed of roses for the Nepali beauty.

Instead, there was a long-drawn battle with alcoholism, a tumultuous, short-lived marriage, and a close brush with death (read ovarian cancer) on the cards.

BT carried a piece today about the actress being shattered no one is rallying around her in tough times like these. With the exception of Deepti Naval, Jackie Shroff, Gulshan Grover, and Subrata Roy, nobody from the ocean of people who make up our callous industry really gives a damn if the NY papers beat us at carrying an obituary! (God Forbid)

You’d have thought an actress, of all people, would understand human nature better than us lay people. After all, they live so many characters, so many lives, so many situations in the course of their profession and I’m sure Manisha herself has played roles where people did a volte-face when the going got tough.

Expectation is the root cause of all our sufferings and problems. We expect family to bail us out. Why? Because we think that the same blood courses through their veins and that they are simply obligated to do our mind’s bidding, no questions asked.

My husband has suffered tremendous betrayal at the hands of his own ‘BLOOD’y πŸ˜† relations so I think he’d be the right person to counsel Miss Koirala that she should be counting her blessings (that her surgery was a success, that a handful of people still care enough for her, that she’s got a second chance at life and an opportunity to reassess what and who stands where) instead of keeping tabs on who’s turning up from the Bollywood fraternity, racked with guilt after reading today’s BT!

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Kaay Show Che!

A portly gentleman seated next to me in the theater wondered aloud why B-Town was consistently paying tributes only to stories of friendships between men. I was itching to say,

A happy and GAY industry we are πŸ˜‰ hence the abundance of male-bonding flicks- DCH, Rock On!, Dostana, ZMND, SOTY, Kai Po Che πŸ˜†

Anyway, the lights dimmed, the curtains rose and we froze πŸ˜† into statues, the National Anthem playing in the background and all πŸ˜€ I am feeling mighty giddy-headed today πŸ˜€

Kai Po Che…Ah! I should say Kai Show Che! πŸ˜€
Wow! The anthem really is having an effect on my choice of words, linguistic integration and all πŸ˜†

For once, I didn’t see any glossy sets, flashy Armanis, swanky wheels, more layers of facial greasepaint than those of an onion :lol:, women retiring to bed as though they have to attend the Big Fat Indian Wedding in their dreams πŸ˜† OTT overacting…

I saw you and me in Kai Po Che…simple normal people with no pretensions whatsoever, living in matchbox homes that are begging for a fresh coat of paint, surrounded by noisy gullis and dusty maidans…I truly felt at home watching Kai Po Che…pun intended πŸ˜‰

Coming to the performances, Manav/ Ishaan is the the dashing gully cricketer in KPC, so I’ll talk in the language he speaks. I was clean-bowled by his debut act. He’s like those Amol Palekar and Farook Shaikh types. Easy to dismiss off at first glance, but when they get down to doing what they’re supposed to do on screen, you’ll want to worship the ground they walk on!

CHHAKAAs performance πŸ˜› The only googly was his dialogue delivery. It was hard enough following the gibberish he spouted in Pavitra Rishta when he got mad πŸ˜€ He gets mad, A LOT, in Kai Po Che and drove me mad by forcing me to figure out what he just said πŸ˜†

Amit Sadh looks (Seedha) Sadha πŸ˜€ perfect to portray a deferring Omi. But the beguiling debutant pitches in a rocker-of-a-climax and in the end, that’s what matters.

Raj Kumar Yadav must have been the seasoned pro out of the lot. And it shows! Like Midas, whatever he has starred in has turned to gold and Kai Po Che should be no different!

‘REAL’ ….that’s the key word! Everything about KPC is just that! The director has exposed relationships as we know them to be in ‘real’ life- IMPERFECTLY PERFECT!

You’ll find glimpses of temperaments that we love and hate, ambitions we have nursed and destroyed (willingly or unwillingly), disappointments we have suffered and braved, hurt we have died of (at least it seemed like that at first) but then bounced back from, revenge that has consumed us and liberated us …there’s no doctoring and diluting of stuff in KPC to come up with that happy ending.

Kai Po Che is slice-of-life cinema at its best!

The Long and Short of it…

“Bite your tongue before you speak,” my mother would always say. The only boneless muscle in the body, you can count on it to slip and make others flip πŸ˜€

Apni BONG has quite a looooooong TONGue πŸ˜› Apparently Bips had a problem with Mr. Amaron Kissme’s overactive lips πŸ˜† Citing irreconcilable height differences, Basu was the reason for his aasu πŸ˜† Back then, she was basking in the warmth of the beedis she’d jalaoed and preoccupied doing racy stuff with Saif. It was also a time when Once Upon A Time in Mumbai, The Dirty Picture, and Shanghai had yet to see the light of day.

Back-to-back hits in two consecutive years catapulted the underdog into the big league. Overnight, every A-list actress worth her salt had a profound change of heart and shed all her inhibitions about onscreen exhibitionism in her desperation to be his arm candy.

Times had changed, the tables had turned and Miss Basu began feeling like Miss bASSu πŸ˜€ Not wanting to give her a taste of her own medicine, the ever-gracious Hashmi let bygones be bygones and gave her career a new lease of life with Raaz 3.

I liked the way he tackled a question probing how he felt being paired with saleable actresses finally. Here’s his kick-ass reply:

Actresses have their reasons. Probably they felt that I couldn’t clock in the numbers at the box office that time. I think Bipasha had said that I was short for her…kind of a metaphor (laughing), but I’ve gotten taller (laughing louder) over the past couple of years. Now she’s okay with my height, so now she’s okay to work with me. (big smile)

What has helped you gain that height?
Box office! It’s always the box office, it’s always the numbers your film opens up to.

Looks like splitting up with a Greek-God kinda BF has opened Bips’ eyes to the other regular-looking, supremely talented guys who inhabit our planet. Last heard, she’s pairing with someone as ordinary-looking as Nawazuddin Siddiqui 😯 for her next. But since he happens to be a powerhouse performer and a sureshot way of reviving her sinking career, Bips can have the last laugh… or quips, should we say! πŸ˜†

Murder 3- Topmost on my mind!

I’d like to Murder 3. Mahesh, Mukesh and the latest BHATThole, Vishesh! πŸ˜†

This family of directors and producers has been recycling global cinema for us for over a decade and the only thing ‘new’ about their ventures is the foot-tapping music they include …whose strains Pritam churaos from some obscure corner of the world …..so, 200/10 for plagiarism it is! πŸ™„

It really makes no difference if either of the H’s (Hooda or Hashmi) essays the part of the lead. It also makes no difference which leaden doll is roped in to provide the USP of the film- fullblown titillation. The end will always be too slick, too clever and too radical. That’s when that gong should sound loud and clear in your head. B-town will always be light years away from such earth-shattering climaxes! πŸ˜†

Do yourself a favor. Catch The Hidden Face instead. And then tell me if you don’t feel like kicking them butts…oops Bhatts! πŸ˜€

P.S. Just a few days ago Chacha Mahesh was singing praises of his nephew saying that Vishesh likes thinking out of the box. What the lad is is he’s one clever fox! πŸ˜† He hasn’t even exercised a single grey cell to come up with a killer promotional poster. Check it out below. Tell me, when did cut-copy-paste become so ‘vishesh’ to be shamelessly lauded by our papers?

imagesCASLBY0B

Not entirely rubbish, this Special Chhabees!

Last when I checked, the sexiest con artist there is on this planet, needed just 13 men to help him pull off a daring heist.

Apna toh Bollywood hai where more is merrier. So our desi Looney πŸ˜› enlists the help of an entire OCEAN of men πŸ˜† 26 to be precise, none as delicious as their Hollywood counterparts, to be immortalized for executing Mumbai’s most daring daylight burglary.

Neeraj Pandey certainly is no believer of Christ and follower of Gandhi πŸ˜‰ An eye for an eye is more his style, evident when Naseer gives terrorists a dose of their own medicine in A Wednesday and Akki raids the coffers of the corrupt in Special 26. Since both issues are irksome to the aam aadmi and also the law and justice dispensing machinery abominable, no wonder there was plenty of taali bajaaoing and seethi maraaoing in the theater! πŸ˜†

Pandeyji has splendidly slipped back into time and the characters have effortlessly adopted the ‘look’ and mannerisms of the Eighties. The heists truly orgasmic πŸ˜› the performances stellar, the dialogues tongue-in-cheek, attention to the minutest of details brilliant…except maybe the haphazardly-painted green wall that had the herculean task of passing off as the Arabian Sea! 😯

The only real nit to pick is the love angle. You don’t always have to feel sorry for your lead appearing celibate on screen πŸ™„

SRK delivered possibly his career’s finest without a love interest in Chak De.

As is God’s style, Akshay managed the show single-handedly, with great aplomb, in OMG. Had they included ‘Gopis’ serenading him in every frame 😯 like they did in some of his highly forgettable flicks like Desi Boyz and Garam Masala πŸ™„ then that would count as a truly OMG! moment! πŸ˜€

Naseer didn’t need a mature lady friend like the Shabana Azmi types to propel his ingenious plan or to deliver a rousing speech on his behalf.

To cut a long story short, I don’t think Kajal Aggarwal belonged in Special 26…or anywhere else! πŸ˜€ Her ‘loud’ presence eclipsed even Bajirao Singham’s menacing roar πŸ˜† and even made ‘bhaji’ of his tremendous screen presence πŸ˜†

The climax of Special 26 was not hard-to-see coming, a trifle absurd too, but for once, the film’s strengths are plentiful and the flaws few. That alone makes it a decent one-time watch!

The man made us wait and wait hard. 4 years is a helluva lot of time to come up with an ‘inspired’ script. But sabar ka phal meetha tha isliye….

Pandey ke liye hum bajaayenge seethi, haan bajaayenge seethi πŸ˜‰

When silence is golden!

Jab We Met was hailed as a landmark movie in the last decade. Geet’s nonstop chattar-pattar in the first half of the movie really grated on my nerves but boy! What a second half! The languorous silence completely redeemed the film.

AkaashVani could well be the JWM of this decade. But what’s different is that it goes beyond being a frothy love story with a happy ending, something that happens with alarming frequency in the make-believe world of cinema. AV knows no ‘Happily Ever After’. Instead, it shoves the grim realities of life down your throat- that marriages might be ‘made in heaven’ but there’s a pretty good chance some might end up being ‘reARRANGED’ on earth to suit the families of the bride and groom rather than the couple themselves!

AV also touches on the disconcerting topic of marital rape, something most women might be too oblivious to, given that the pati is the parmeshwar and God can do no wrong, right? Or let them bastards get away with it kyunki pati ka hakk hai to F*@# and all that jazz… Or feel too ashamed to do anything about… Divorce is still the most dreaded ‘D’ word, beating even Death itself!

I loved the poignant silences between the star-crossed lovers- whether it’s when they want to make the grandest declarations of undying love but are rendered tongue-tied or when they reunite years later and have nothing to say to each other!

I loved how V bared her soul and sobbed every tear she’d held back during all the time she was trapped in her loveless sham-of-a-marriage. I loved how A followed suit and cried his eyes out, without once wondering if men looked uncool doing that. That scene said it all without a word even being uttered!

If 2012 gave us Ayushmann Khurrana and Yami Gautam, 2013 has been equally benevolent giving us Karthik Tiwari and Nushrat Bharucha. And for some reason, I can’t help thinking they’ve got it in them to be Gen Next’s SRK and Kajol!

A tragic love story, what I saw happening here was ‘Sachche Pyaar ka Punchnama’!

Davids and Goliath

Who would have thought Bejoy Nambiar’s unassuming David would turn out to be the biblical ‘David’, knocking the wind out of some heavyweight Goliaths like Race 2 and Inkaar? For me, it’s easily the best of 2013 so far! Bouquets coming from a kanjoos like me, you had better believe it! πŸ˜†

An ex-AD to Mani Ratnam, Nambiar’s second piece of work too will go down in the annals of B-Town’s history. David is tautly directed, brilliantly edited, superbly enacted, never failing to keep you at the very edge of your seat – I even slipped to the floor a couple of times πŸ˜† That compelling a watch!

Only and only Nambiar’s triptych could brush the cobwebs off a few Algebra lessons long forgotten: A=B and B=C. Ergo, A=C! My husband thought the climax seemed a bit too contrived, but damn him! πŸ˜† He didn’t like Shaitaan either! 😯

Way back in 2007, two multiple-story horrors (Honeymoon Travels and Salaam-E-Ishq)were unleashed on us back to back. Ever since, I’ve steered clear of the ‘ek pe dus stories free‘ kinda cinema πŸ˜› and believe in the power of one single story well told. I’m so glad I let go of my unwavering policy for David πŸ™‚

I suspect Nambiar relished his Sunday school lessons. So crucial is the parable of ‘The Prodigal Son’ to the plot/s, it really will help clear all the mystery shrouding the film. I won’t say more and complicate things further….Go give David a (sling)shot πŸ˜†