Far far far away from the theater! 😆

Before I proceed with giving you my impressions of Raanjhana, here’s a little something I need you to first do. Exercise those gray cells a wee bit. Remember that melodramatic Poop Song…oops… Soup Song 😆 that played more times a day than you blinked your eyes? 😀 Can you remember the lyrics to it, word for word? I shit you not! Raanjhana is the prose version of that inane poetry!!! Check it out:

white skin-u girl-u girl-u
girl-u heart-u black-u
eyes-u eyes-u meet-u meet-u
my future dark

why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di
why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di

hand la glass
wrist la slash-u 😆
eyes-u full-aa tear-u
empty life-u
girl-u come-u
life reverse gear-u
lovvu lovvu
oh my lovvu
you showed me bouv-u
cow-u cow-u holi cow-u
i want u hear now-u
god i m dying now-u
she is happy how-u
this song for soup boys-u
we dont have choice-u

Tsk tsk! Not at all a BHOLAVERY DIng to do. 😉

So, as you’ve gauged, there’s love-struck Kundan who’s ready to undergo even Mundan 😆 if only to hear Zoya respond to his umpteen proposals with a resounding YA.

In the intense scenes, which are like A LOT in the movie, Zoya is just about as palatable as that untouched dish of Soya! 😆 Who courts another Hindu lad when your folks beat up the first one you dated real bad?!? 😯 I’m aware that Sonam Kapoor is busy fighting hair fall. Did her brains fall off as well??? 😆 Sonu, mujhe naaz nahi hai tum par! 😆 😆 😆

And then there’s Abhay, the Nirbhay, a JNU student leader cum aspiring politician from Delhi with a raging fire in his belly. Enter Zoya and CRASH BOOM BANG! He comes down with a bad case of Delhi Belly! 😆 😆 😆

The fiery Dilliwala, who is shown spearheading the fight for Nirbhaya, is suddenly portrayed as a wimpy Dilwala, going even to the extent of conning Zoya’s folks by changing his name from Jasjeet to Akram! 😯 CHAKRAM if you ask me!!! 😆 😆 😆

Now, any sane love triangle would culminate with one of the heroes ending up as the magnanimous sacrificial bakra. Instead there were a couple of near- shaadis 😯 and a lot of barbaadis courtesy wrist-slashing and khoon splashing! Star-crossed lovers of yore might have done it and gotten away with it. But seriously! Wrist-slashing?!? In this day and age!!! 🙄 Guess Mr. Aanand L Rai doesn’t the Times of India buy! 😀 Acid-throwing attacks are making big news these days, Sir! Ilaahi bhi pak gaya hoga dekhke wohi kalaai pe baar baar silaai! 😆

Iske baad story mein aate hain itne saare twists and turns, they could put to shame even the prowess of Abbas MusTURN! 😆 😆 😆 After a frothy love story like YJHD, Raanjhana is a heavy-duty, broody, grey-at-the-edges kinda romance, the kind that will appease the tragedy-loving Shakespearean fans. I’m still reeling from the side-effects of such a bhaari bharkam storyline, after having exhausted a year’s-worth stock of Hajmola! 😀

If you must brave Raanjhana, here are two solid reasons to do so.

1. For Dhanush. The endearing charm he exudes on screen is second to none. No one from B-town, not even my current heartthrob Ranbir, can breathe life into Kundan’s character the way Dhanush has! Maybe it’s his un-impeccable Hindi, or maybe it’s his unassuming persona, but whatever it is, it clicks!

Apparently Kamaal R Khan, the male version of the abominable Rakhi Sawant 😆 😆 :lol:, thinks Kundan looks like a chamaar! 😯 Woh toh sirf
reel life mein aisa dikhta hai, tu toh real life main aisa dikhta hai saale bandar ki aulaad! 😀 Itna hi nahi, teri maa ne khud tera naam Chamaa-R Khan rakha!!! 😆 😆 😆

2. For Benares. Just like the magic of a Puchka exploding in your mouth is indescribable and needs to be savored to be believed, so it is with Raanjhanaa. For picture-postcard perfectness like splashes of a vivid vermillion against an azure sky, this movie is as good as they come!

BELOW: Awww..the real-life ‘Heer Ranjhanaa’.


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