Breathtaking Brekkie!

They say feast on breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and search for the food on your dinner plate like a pauper! ๐Ÿ˜†

Clearly, breakfast seems to be the most important of the three meals but owing to the frenetic pace of my life, I tend to follow the advice in reverse! ๐Ÿ˜€ Time is one luxury I can’t afford and rustling up a different dish for breakfast morning after morning is easier said than done!

Just when I gave up on my chances of having a tasty and healthy breakfast, hope came in the form of ‘BREAKFAST ON THE GO’. A home-based business, the selection of breakfast choices is rather tempting! There’s everything from Burji Pav, an all-time favourite, to the rather exotic Choris Pav (Goan Sausages with Bread). You ideally are required to order a day in advance but the charming owner, Shikha, reportedly is patient with even the late-lateefs! ๐Ÿ˜€

I ordered an English breakfast and as Madhuri Dixit would say, I pronounce it to be PURRRRFECT! ๐Ÿ˜€ The eggs were done just right and the beans were tantalizing. Letting you choose between ham/ bacon/ sausages as an accompaniment seemed rather thoughtful. Oh! And before I forget! The grilled brown-bread slices added to the package made for a healthy, hearty and wholesome breakfast.

I ordered practically half of the menu. The Double Decker Ham and Mayo elicited a ‘Wow’ from my husband, so I’m guessing it must be really good! The Chicken and Mayo S/W was just as delightful. Again, made with brown bread, so you can indulge without a shred of guilt!

The kids tripped on super-yummy crepes dripping with heavenly Nutella spread. Always a winning combination! ๐Ÿ˜‰ The waffles with their honey topping are too good for words! I’m sure the remaining half of the menu that I haven’t sampled already must be just as sumptuous!

A word about the packaging. I yet have to see restaurants in my area adopt a similar standard when making home deliveries. The plastic boxes were sturdy, neatly labelled, kept their contents well-insulated, and spoke volumes about the level of hygiene maintained.

I asked for my breakfast to be delivered at around eight on a Sunday. Knowing that weekends are a busy time for eateries, I was prepared for a ‘sincere’ apology at my order reaching me a few minutes late ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hell, even the pizza guys sometimes can’t make it in half an hour and I’ve never sued! Little did I know that the affable gentleman delivering my order would be a stickler for perfection. The doorbell rang precisely on the dot of eight o’clock!!! He wished us a pleasant meal and by jove, he wasn’t kidding!

The cherry on the icing had to be the post-sales call I received from a very courteous owner, to inquire if I’d enjoyed my breakfast. Who does such a thing in this day and age??? An age where everyone seems to say ‘Paisa Dena aur Bhaad Mein Jaana’! ๐Ÿ˜† Considering this is a letter of appreciation straight from the heart and not a gimmicky PR piece, I think I’m perfectly within my rights to go on and on with the gushing! ๐Ÿ˜€

If I really had to pick a nit, I’d have to say that vegetarians don’t have too much to choose from. But considering the demographics of the area in which this establishment operates, that’s hardly a surprise. I’m sure Shikha will, in due course, expand her menu to suit all palates.

It’s time you BREAK your FAST the healthy and more importantly, tasty way. Give these guys a call. Details below.

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Wham, Bam, Thank you Ma’am!!!

Good news horny fellas! ๐Ÿ˜† Boarding school will never feel like ‘BORING’ school EVER again! High School henceforth promises to take you on a real โ€˜HIGH/ NASHAโ€™. Only if you join the one where Poonam Pandey masquerades as a drama teacher by day and a Kama(sutra) teacher by night!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Nasha is the story of Sahil, one among many testosterone-ridden champs, rotting in school during the summer vacations. Little does he know that Bryan Adamsโ€™ chartbuster ‘Summer of 69’ will prove prophetic and is to be the story of his life! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

With an ample bosom that enters the auditorium a full five minutes before her face appears and a curvaceous bum departing the frame a full five minutes after her face has disappeared ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† the sizzling Anita Ma’am manages to raise the temperature a couple of notches. Whoโ€™s talking about the weather here? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Iโ€™m presuming the school gave her a brief to direct fine plays. Our desi blonde tries her best to adhere to the instructions. She really does! She parades in only briefs, and directs some rather fiery (fore)plays! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

You soon realize that our pubescent hero has quite a fertile imagination and that Miss Pandey isnโ€™t really the Miss PANT(e)Y ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† slithering down poles like sheโ€™s being made out to be! This chapโ€™s almost a sleazy mini-version of the psychotic SRK in Darr ๐Ÿ˜† I swear I thought heโ€™d break out into โ€˜SSSSSSS …Sirenโ€™ instead of โ€˜KKKKKK…Kiranโ€™! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Despite having steady partners of their own, fate conspires to get them to mate and shishya-guru ho jaate hain shuru! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

What followed was plenty of shrieking and screaming. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Dirty Minds! (Gulshan Grover style) ๐Ÿ˜† Iโ€™m not describing the acoustics of the sex scene ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Poonam Pandey was (over)acting by now. The director Amit SEX-ena ๐Ÿ˜† should have known that not one of us came to the theatre for her histrionics. We were only there for the STRIP-trionics!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† Screaming her lungs out, crying her eyes out and we were all filing out! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Teacher's Legs- Number 11 :lol: :lol: :lol:

Teacher’s Legs- Number 11 ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†


Okay, so check it out! Veronaโ€™s transformed into Varana-si :lol:, the Montagues have metamorphosed into the Mishras ๐Ÿ˜† and the Capulets into Kashyaps! ๐Ÿ˜† Same same akshar, same same swar! What an ‘original’ idea, Tiwary Sir (ji)!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

If the man was hoping for success, he’s in luck! Issaq SUCKS (with a capital) S!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Not much has changed since his first outing at the movies with Dil Dosti Etc. Issaq too should have come with the suffix. That’d be warning enough! There’s so much happening besides the love story, sub-plots as plentiful and convoluted as the strands of hair on the eccentric Makarand KESHpandey’s head! :lol::lol: ๐Ÿ˜†

Maverick Makarand, a sadhu on the Banarasi ghats, is shown to be happily doing ganja. For once I wished he was Ganja! Perhaps then Issaq’s story would be a little more coherent. ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Okay, so there’s Rahul…erm..the desi Romeo, whose name coincidentally starts with an ‘R’ ๐Ÿ™„ He ain’t any different from all the Rahuls we’ve seen so far. A quintessential playboy, he’s seen lusting after the saucy EVILyn Sharma ๐Ÿ˜› Wait a minute! Wasn’t there a cute Bawi in this movie???

Just as I’m trying to figure this one out, there’s a vampish Paro thrown in my face who appears to have all the carnal desires that Chandramukhi possessed ๐Ÿ˜† Had this Paro starred in Devdas, Khan would never have have taken his Jaan! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Anyway, this very-much-married woman has the hots for the devilish Ravi KISSen ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

No sooner did they unveil the Bhojpuri-spouting rascal, my mind was forced to come to terms with a Naxal! A Mallu Naxalite at that!!! And the more hilarious part is yet to come! He’s called ‘Madrasi’!!!!!! More like ‘MURDERASI’!!!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

The Mishras and the Kashyaps are fighting for supremacy over the sand mines, the blood-thirsty Naxal is a bloody swine, Prateik appears to like to two-time, EVILyn has a brain the size of a dime, Paro doesn’t think sleeping with her husband’s relative is a crime, Bachchi looks rather kachchi though she’s doing her level best to shine and the whole damn movie seemed to be such a colossal waste of time! ๐Ÿ˜†

A bit about the acting. The tubelight in my living room has been winking at the ceiling fan for the past two days and the latter seems to be spinning more happily than ever before! ๐Ÿ˜€ It wouldn’t be wrong to say their chemistry is far more crackling than what the leads in Issaq share! ๐Ÿ˜›

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na, but Prateik undoubtedly is the biggest prateek of bad acting! ๐Ÿ˜† Judging by the calibre of performances extracted, I wonder if Manish Tiwary paid him just Rs. 12? ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Amyra is a Garib performer ๐Ÿ˜† She pronounced special as ‘Suppesial’ just the way the Northies do. But the Banarasi suddenly did a volte face and turned into the-perfect-English-speaking Parsi! She declares ‘Main Virgin Hoon’ as impeccably as Richard Branson would pronounce the V-word!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

At intermission, my friend literally fell to my feet begging ‘Chal let’s khisak!” I happily obliged. I didn’t really care whether Paro would succeed in pulling off a fantastic orgy in the climax ๐Ÿ˜› or the desi Romeo and Juliet would defy all odds and live happily ever after. As far as I was concerned, they’d murdered the original star-crossed lovers yet again with their pathetic tribute.

Prateik, Daddy ko zara poochna ki baarah rupaiye mein chudiyaan milti hain ke nahin? :P

Prateik, Daddy ko zara poochna ki baarah rupaiye mein chudiyaan milti hain ke nahin? ๐Ÿ˜›

The Flying Sheekh!

Isn’t it ironic that my review on a film dealing with speed should come crawling almost a week after its release? ๐Ÿ˜ฏ
The weekend saw me holed up at home for fear of getting bombed up, what with it marking the anniversary of one of many terror attacks that have rocked Mumbai in the recent past. Little did I know that catching Bhaag Milkha Bhaag would accomplish the same result. That film just blew my mind!

‘Bhaag Milkha Bhaag’ is an exhortation to our protagonist at crucial, defining moments in his life. It assumes the form of a guttural cry from a dying father to escape from the clutches of murderous zealots active at work during India’s Partition. The same sentence later transforms into a fervent prayer slipping past the lips of his coach at the Olympics Finals held in Rome. So quite a symbolic title that!

Anyway, the film opens with the said race. Everyone’s heard of the adage ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do.’ I’m sure Milkha Singh must have too. Being a distant relative of Santa Banta, he must have presumed that all they do is roam! ๐Ÿ˜† SPOILERS AHEAD.

So roam he did! Instead of scrambling to achieve glory, our man began ambling away to glory! ๐Ÿ˜† He bagged fourth place. To him it was life’s biggest disgrace.

The root cause of his dismal performance can be traced to the 1956 Olympics held in Melbourne. The voluptuous granddaughter of the Aussie coach must have hollered “Howdy mate?” and Milkha Singh must have interpreted the friendly greeting as “Let’s go mate!” ๐Ÿ˜† It was evident we’d lost Milkha Singh cuz all I could see was MilKissing! ๐Ÿ˜† Needless to say, India went Down Under in the races! ๐Ÿ˜†

I honestly don’t know how much of this biopic is fact and how much fiction. It seems rather incredible that the real Milkha Singh would have boasted so blatantly about his international conquests (albeit of a different kind!) ๐Ÿ˜›

The film ends with Milkha learning to slow down, to wrestle the demons that have been chasing him all his life and ending on a high- with a glorious nickname coined by a Pakistani at that!

With a run time of 3 hours and 10 minutes, the film is anything but racy! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I shudder to think how much longer it’d be if the word ‘Bhaag’ wasn’t a significant part of its title! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Watch this movie only for Farhan Akhtar. He’s as luscious as that juicy piece of sheekh! ๐Ÿ˜› F&@#ing Hot with a capital F!

The performance he pitches in is the performance of a lifetime! He’s gotten so into the skin of his character, I’m sure he must be having trouble reverting to the Totla Akhtar he used to be! ๐Ÿ˜€

Sonam seems to be the new Sonakshi. A lucky mascot to propel a movie into the coveted 100-crore club. Anybody, absolutely anybody could have essayed her Biro. Even someone like Poonam (Pandey) who has a penchant for virile sportsmen. ๐Ÿ˜› Come to think of it, maybe if she was around during the landmark finals and had promised to strip if he won, I bet my bottom dollar Milkha would not trip! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Uff, the confidence! I'm lovin' it!!! ;-)

Uff, the confidence! I’m lovin’ it!!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

White Tarts, Black Hearts!

At the risk of getting thrashed by half of who constitute the fairer sex, I truly believe that the fairest of them all are also the scariest of them all! ๐Ÿ˜€

Fair-skinned women seem to abound in my universe. I’ve come across so many in school and college, at work, and hell, even in the family! All of who are not just vain but also major pains!

The dreaded white-washed species has infiltrated my mecca as well where one tagline fits all:

Doodh malai sa gora tan, gobar sandaas jaise kaala mann! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Letโ€™s have a look at the vain pusses of B-town then, shall we?

1. Vying for the top honor is Mangalore’s pride and joy, the one and only…..








Arsewhoreya Rai ๐Ÿ˜† And you thought I was going to rant about another Mangalorean bhoot(n)i? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, to break up with the boyfriend who tried to defend your modesty is one thing. To break the news of your break up with him in the papers ๐Ÿ˜ฏ is truly outta Miss World…oops…this world! ๐Ÿ˜†

I actually thought Vivek Oberoi would require an eye transplant. I’m sure they fell off just reading that morning’s newspaper! I don’t think he’d be wanting that catty pair of green eyes that has been pledged though! ๐Ÿ˜›

Bhootni Ke ya toh phir Bhootni Gay! Kya farak padhta hai? ;-)

Bhootni Ke ya toh phir Bhootni Gay! Kya farak padhta hai? ๐Ÿ˜‰

2. Next in line is the F@#* F@#* Girl. The one who made Dutt feel like a mutt! ๐Ÿ˜† She fired his imagination by posing a question as innocent as choli ke peeche kya hai? Sanju Baba must have fired her brains out when he shot back with a question of his own. Goli ke peeche kya hai? ๐Ÿ˜† Or rather, kaun hai? ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Anyway, she waved a resolute TATA before even the courts could slap him with TADA ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Marathi mulgi then wafted off to LA LA LAnd to sing ‘Nene karte, Nene karte pyar tumhi se kar baithe!’ ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

And it's supposed to be okay if you do it?

And it’s supposed to be okay if you do it?

3. Zee Cinema recently aired a classic from the 90s and it was then that I discovered that the effeminate Harish wasnโ€™t the female lead of the film as Iโ€™d thought all along! ๐Ÿ˜€

I imagine most of you remember Lolo’s debut film ‘Prem Qaidi’ where she looked more like the spokesperson of the Al Qaida! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

That ghastly! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Replete with the bushy brows, muchchi mouth et al. ๐Ÿ˜† I remember wondering if they’d deliberately knocked off an ‘N’ from the end of her name which otherwise should have read ‘KarisMAN‘! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Anyway, our fair maiden found Kaalia the Crow slightly more appealing than one of her heroes! ๐Ÿ˜† She resisted Devgn’s advances and he backed off. That was when inane cinema ruled the roost! Then Devgn must have downed one too many a glass of Boost! ๐Ÿ˜† Every film he starred in turned to gold.

Overnight, the kauwa became Mr. Lova Lova ๐Ÿ˜† Lolo, hum itne bhi lolia nahi hain! ๐Ÿ˜†

But by then, thankfully, it was too late! The kaalia, so utterly depressed at being rebuffed, must have gone hunting for someone just as black and lo! He stumbled across…well, no prizes for guessing….. Kajol! ๐Ÿ˜†

And this is how it happened for real!

And this is how it happened for real!

4. If the LOL-worthy sister features on my hit list, how can her obnoxious sister be left out? The Bum of Pataudi ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† has on many occasions tried to undermine her co-stars as if she were the ultimate talent ki pudiya! ๐Ÿ™„ More like a dumb-blonde gudiya! Remember Tashan? ๐Ÿ˜†

The Nordic Goddess once called Bipasha a ‘kaali billi’, dismissed John Abraham as being ‘wooden’, has taken pangas with the Big B, forced an ex-lover to become ‘shahid’ literally! And it certainly hasn’t ended there! No wonder with a mouth and a mind as putrid as hers, her KAREER is KAREENING- downwards! ๐Ÿ˜†



Lootera ne band kiya muh mera!

No, No. Shotgun didn’t pop up at the screening to boom out ‘KHAAMOSHHHH’ at me! ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m just amazed that cinema at its simplistic best, with minimal dialogue but heaps of an intoxicating old-world charm, could weave its magic on a chatter-box like me and render me speechless.

Ok, so, Ranveer falls off his bike and glares malevolently at SonHATHI. ๐Ÿ˜† He suspects the mini elephant and not her car is who tossed him into the ditch! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Thus begins Vikramadityaโ€™s second directorial outing, Lootera. A vintage romance set in the early 50s where India is not the only one whoโ€™s liberated herself ๐Ÿ˜› Thereโ€™s Sonakshi, the virginal daughter of a Zamindar in Manikpur, WB, whoโ€™s also mighty eager to liberate herself sexually with the charismatic stranger whoโ€™s stormed into their lives.

Itโ€™s all done in a nice way, though. Not wantonly…remember Vidya Balan in Parineeta? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ There was something so pure about their gentle lip-lock and when the leads consummated their relationship just as tenderly, it was nothing short of orgasmic! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Painting by day and panting at night! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Alas! Ranveer ditches Sonakshi at the altar! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ No wonder the ladies are still against Dicky Ball! ๐Ÿ˜† But what I suspect happened here is he broke a bone or two when the heavyweight champion wrestled him in bed! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† He limps out of the plot having stolen what heโ€™d come for. He also inadvertently robs Sonakshi of her capability to love and to live.

The apparent callousness of his gesture proves to be too much for her old father. He’s next in line to desert her by departing for a world that knows no deceit. To complicate matters, thereโ€™s a debilitating illness racking Sona’s violated body,but strangely, she feels no pain. Sheโ€™s survived the worst pain of them all. That which arises out of having your heart broken! The clock is ticking and the warm glow of life is seeping out of her soul, slowly and steadily.

Overnight, the vivid hues of zestful Bengal become overwhelming โ€“ the azure lakes, the verdant forests, the golden fields, the dusty gullis. Life has been stripped of all colour. Now all that appeals to the defunct painter within is the starkness of Dalhousie. A La Jab We Met!

I might be digressing but the characters of Pakhi and Geet are almost like mirror images of each other. Both women child-like, both spurned in love, both scurry to the Himalayan foothills hoping to vanish into oblivion, both opt for a drab life as if to punish themselves for being jolly and vibrant earlier, both render gut-wrenching performances that make the audience root for them…..

Anyway, Dalhousie has been captured in the throes of winter, the stark white perfectly exposing Sona’s colorless existence. Sheโ€™s working on a book, something to keep her busy in the last days. Like Johnsy in Oโ€™Henry The Last Leaf, she is painfully aware of the leaves that are fast disappearing and before the last leaf follows suit, she must achieve the very last goal of her life.

By a quirky twist of fate, a year later, the last person she’d like to see makes an unexpected reappearance and topples the apple cart one more time. Will the con artist turn into a master artist? Can he go out of his comfort zone to deceive a pro like her by painting a very believable likeness of the last leaf? That leaf that braves all odds so that she too will derive enough hope and a zest for life to follow suit. Can he make adequate amends in the life of the woman he faulted so gravely? This sets the course for the remainder of the story.

Coming over to the acting. I found Ranveerโ€™s performance to be quite stilted. If youโ€™ve watched how unrestrained he was in Band Baaja Baaraat, youโ€™ll know just how inhibited he seemed in Ladies V/s Ricky Bahl. And that was a role he could have had so much fun with!

Sonakshi is first-rate as Pakhi. Heeding her fatherโ€™s advice, sheโ€™s stayed โ€˜Khamossshhhhโ€™ through most of the film. The strategy seems to have paid off as her silences have conveyed so much more meaning to the proceedings. I loved the vulnerability she exposed when she begs Ranveer to profess just a little love for her in return, when she pleads with him to meet her..achcha aaj nahi toh kal??? Accha toh phir parso??? For a woman of her time to disregard her dignity so is a big deal and it tugged at my heartstrings. This is Sonakshiโ€™s film all the way. It really should have been named Looteran! This woman steals your breath away…and your heart…that effortlessly!

As for the cinematography, I have just two words for it. Top-notch! Lootera is to films what The Last Leaf is to prose! If that ainโ€™t a compliment, I donโ€™t know what is! It truly is one of the few poignant love stories that offers complete closure thereby satiating you fully. Watch it if youโ€™ve ever experienced love in its truest form…or even if you havenโ€™t!

BELOW: When life robs of you of everything worth living for, there’s still hope to see you through!


Wham, Bam, Bring Out The Pram!!!

So, DK Kirloskarโ€™s son seems to be shooting his gun ๐Ÿ˜› quite a bit these days. If he keeps going the way he is, he soon shall be conferred with the title of Dicky Donor! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

It took just one stormy night of passion to bring Pari into this world! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ And they say making babies is a tough job! ๐Ÿ™„

When she used Arjun that last time before dumping him, Ovi thought she was OVER him. Clearly she didnโ€™t count on an OVUM getting fertilized! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† A real one-shot Nandu our Arjun Kirloskar is, wadya say? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Buzz is that she is due to deliver a baby soon who will grow up to be … Now, guys, brace yourselves…. a spitting image of her mother!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Imagine poor Savita! ๐Ÿ˜€ Zindagi bhar bahu peeti aayi uska lahu ๐Ÿ˜† Now thereโ€™s a humshakal great-granddaughter destined to effect her slaughter! ๐Ÿ˜€

As much as us women love Arjun Kirloskar, he’s a high risk semen…oops :razz:..specimen ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† Steer clear girls! You don’t want to be caught raising a miniature version of the Naagin-jaisi nanad or the Saap-jaisi saas ๐Ÿ˜ฎ and turn your life into a farce!

BELOW: From the Big ‘O’ to a Bigger ‘Oh’!!! ๐Ÿ˜†



Who knew the monosyllable Vidya Balan spouts more times than you would blink your eyes actually makes for an apt title for the movie! Seriously, most things about Ghanchakkar are bleh and will certainly elicit a dozen โ€˜Hains?!?โ€™ from you ๐Ÿ˜†

A crime thriller infused with copious amounts of humour, meet the LAZY LAD Sanjay Athraye. A lackadaisical Emraan, presumably numbed by the high-voltage drama in his professional life as an ace safe-cracker, is shown to prefer the TV over the Biwi at home! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

For all the years of kissing Emraan has clocked in, he comes across as highly impotent in the film! A particularly sharp tongue wondered aloud if this was the revenge of the Lovegods after all! ๐Ÿ˜€ Nothing can manage to arouse the lazy lad from his dazed stupor, not even Vidyaโ€™s raunchy manoeuvres in his eternal comfort zone, the bedroom. ๐Ÿ˜› So much for shouting from rooftops ki

Main Entertainment Hoon!

๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Next is the CRAZY AULAD, Neetu Athraye! ๐Ÿ˜€ Through her character of a feisty Punjaban fashionista, Vidya has avenged that dreary pinafored look she was stuck with in Kahaani. Her Playboyish ensembles can send Hefnerโ€™s bunnies scurrying to their holes…in shock, of course! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Bandi yeh BINDAAS hai, who doesnโ€™t even spare her ARSE of a SAAS for getting too PAAS! ๐Ÿ˜† Her culinary experiments can best be summed up as โ€˜akin to eating GHAASโ€™ ๐Ÿ˜† but you donโ€™t want to point that out! Why risk becoming a victim of her BHADAAS? ๐Ÿ˜†

Enter the CHADDI BADD(ies), Idris and Pandit. I got to see a lot more of these two than I bargained for! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ They storm into the couple’s cozy pad to claim their share of wads from a daring heist theyโ€™d committed a couple of months ago.

Executing the loot by donning very โ€˜realโ€™ masks of Amitabh, Dharmendra and Utpal Dutt was sheer genius! The audience was in splits!!! I thought what would take the scene a few notches higher would be Emraan wearing Kareenaโ€™s mask getting a crack at the โ€˜SAIFโ€™. Get it? ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† That would seriously crack me up! ๐Ÿ˜€

My noisy neighbor griped that the trio should have drawn inspiration from real-life vandals instead and worn masks of Sonia, Rahul and Manmohan Singh!!! ๐Ÿ˜› Oooh..that would have been Oooh La La! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Then starts the Bheja Fry. Oh, btw, this filmโ€™s pace is just as sluggish. Is Sanjay shrewdly pulling off a Ghajini on them? Or did he really get robbed of his memory in that terrible accident we never get to see shortly after the burglary? Is the wife naive or is she someone waiting to stab the others in the back with a knife?

The story begins running in circles, as many as those present on Emraanโ€™s polka-dotted red night suit!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Just do a RUN-CHAKKAR. Steer Clear!

BELOW: OMG! This poster shows you in 2 seconds what I saw for 2 whole frikkin’ hours!!!!