Heartening MyQueen!

Lightning McQueen, take a backseat! Queen is all everyone at home wants to watch these days. Never mind that the pirated print looks more like the handiwork of a Parkinson patient πŸ˜† it’s a blessed relief to finally be free of all the droning and the moaning (when McQueen loses ya!) and my surreptitious yawning! πŸ˜›

Queen is such an uplifting film. And no! I’m not at all referring to the effect of Lisa Haydon’s charms on the menfolk! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜› πŸ˜€

Queen plots how a naive girl from Karol Baugh metamorphoses into a Vaagh πŸ˜† Vaagh Bakri Chai would have been the perfect brand partner for this film! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

The virginal daughter of a simple Halwai, Rani’s choices in life, right from her all-concealing pastel sweaters to her choice of var (groom), are essentially goody-good and safe, all stamped with parental approval. So when she’s dumped rather unceremoniously at the altar, she understandingly mopes and then elopes! With the blessings of her family ( Jaa Rani jaa, jee le apni zindagi),Β  she embarks on her honeymoon alone! 😯 Three cheers for behenji who’s no more in the mood to do hainji hainji πŸ˜€

From forging an unlikely friendship with a woman whose sexual partners are as numerous as the motifs on her kurtis to sharing a room with three (extremely adorable) men in the sin capital of the world, thoroughly enjoying a pole-dancing escapade to pulling off an energetic Amaron Kissme …whoops…Emraan Hashmi πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† on a devilishly-cute Italian chef, Rani’s choices can best be described as risquΓ©. And Risky Rani is so much fun!

She makes a Parisian mugger look like a chhakka ….uske chhakke jo udaa diye πŸ˜† She introduces French Toast to the French 😯 , drives for the first time in her life, that too right-handed! Jaise daaye…oops..baaye haath ka khel ho! πŸ˜‰ She buys souvenirs from Kink Kong 😯 leather straps and booby traps…oops caps πŸ˜› her gol gappas wreak total siyappa in their tummies πŸ˜† yet the goras clamor for more and to symbolize that her life is truly rocking, she ends her Dutch sojourn by attending a rock show!

What an enlightening, enriching and liberating film! Though Vijay the pishe πŸ˜† insenstively blew her off from his life like he thoughtlessly blew off the powdery dust that fell off from her bridal mehndi in the coffee shop, Rani knows she owes her new-found confidence and self-worth to her MCP fiancΓ©. Her extremely mature break-up while genuinely thanking him for redefining her life by his callousness is by far the sweetest cherry on any cake I’ve ever eaten!Β  No scheming, plotting, badle ki aag seene mein jalna and all that…Ah! Refreshing!!!

Queen is like a Rapidex crash course in all these important lessons of life.

A. You don’t need a man to complete your world. Mard, more often than not, is the root cause of all sardard. Use sparingly. πŸ˜†

B. Always, always, always remember to:

Love Thyself.

Not vainly, but sanely πŸ˜‰

A honeymoon is essentially a love holiday, so why not use it to love ourselves even if there’s no one to fawn over us? We’re worth it no? πŸ˜‰

C. Live life King-size. Or Queen-size! πŸ˜‰ Hum jeete hain ek baar, marte hain ek baar, do it all before your life is kaabaar! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

D. Sometimes the wrong train…in Rani’s case, the wrong plane, πŸ™‚ takes you to the right place. All we have to do is keep an open mind and let life happen.

E. No good has ever come from frowning at or fighting fate. Rani discovered that prostitutes and pole-dancers aren’t all that different from the rest of us. On second thoughts, well, maybe they are. They at least have hearts of gold! But had she to hold on steadfastly to her conservative and puritan views, she’d never have discovered the good side of these characters whom we are quick to saddle with the ‘questionable’ tag.

F. There exists only one universal language. It’s called L.O.V.E. Even if everyone’s breaking out in tongues a la The Pentecost πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† this language transcends all barriers and binds hearts like no other. It’s what helped Rani sympathize with the sorrow of her orphaned Japanese buddy, identify the loneliness consuming her socially-overactive Indo-French friend and empathize with the choices the Dutch prostitute made.

G. Learn to move on. To the next chapter in life. Every page holds promise. Rani broke out of her cocoon in Paris but she actually sprouted wings and became the irresistible butterfly that she did in Amsterdam. And to think she was contemplating canceling the Dutch leg of her trip!

And lastly, as painful as it sounds:

H. All good things have to come to an end. Assimilate all the love, all the memories, everything else you’ve gained from the life-altering experience and your life will automatically assume a magical hue.

I’m sure Rani lived happily ever after….That’s the only way the story of this gutsy Queen could go!

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