Dumb and HUMPer!

My lil tyke’s latest obsession is mobile phones. After dunking my husband’s Note in a bucketful of water, those cheap, China-made plastic mobiles you get outside Borivli station are the closest he’ll ever get to a cellphone! πŸ˜† Anyway, the first one we got him was a sleek BlackCherry!!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† He’s currently on his Naakia LOO-MEIN-AAA!!!!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

I find the names of these fakes highly amusing. Simply love the names they’re saddled with. EyeFone, Phony, Adidos..hell, even Yike! πŸ˜†

Humpty Sharma ki Dulhaniya (HSKD) is one such fake that felt more like an insult than a tribute to the evergreen romance story that is DDLJ. Debutant director Khaitan’s name itself is testament enough that he’s a massive PANKHA of the greatest love story of our times but my shanka of him butchering it beyond redemption proved to be true.

OK, so there’s dumb Alia from Ambala πŸ˜† who’ll settle for nothing less than a Manish Malhotra-designed-lehenga for her impending wedding. We’re told it costs a full five lakhs, the value obviously lost on Alia! Check it out:

Humpty 1

Humpty 2

Humpty 3

Off she trots to the capital with the capital in hand in pursuit of a lehenga but instead, ends up nanga! πŸ˜› So much for blowing up five lakhs on a lehenga! πŸ™„

Saari life besharmi ki heights, Ek Tu, Ek Main aur Ho dim dim yeh lights would make for the perfect background score for HUMPty BESHARM(a) takes his name rather literally! πŸ˜› After deflowering every filly in Dilli, he sets his sights on this exotic Ambala ki kali. Everyone knows that the smart-allecky gimmicks will eventually lead to a sizzling kiss. After all, Alia Emraan Hashmi aka non-stop smooch karnewala Amaron Kissme ki behen jo thehri! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜† Par jaise powder ke saath tikiya free aur toothpaste ke saath toothbrush free milta hai, yahaan smooch ke saath bahut koooch mila dekhne ko! πŸ˜†

Humpty 4

After kahi saari suhaag raatein, Alia leaves to get married to Sid aka Shiv from Balika Vadhu! 😯 Dhawan follows hoping to be THE ONE. Masquerading as a waiter, he dies by day. His reward? DO by night! πŸ˜› This movie indeed is a ROM(P)COM! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Remember Lajja Shankar, the maniacal, fanatical villain from Sangharsh? (Coincidentally Alia played a young Zinta in that film) Brace yourselves, guys! He’s Alia’s baoji in the film. The director should have named him Lajja here cuz that’s exactly what he feels when he catches HUMPty Dumpty SITTING ON HIS DOLL!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

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Baoji here is a softer-hearted version of the kadak Puri Raj couldn’t bite through in DDLJ. He promises Varun Alia’s hand in marriage if he can find one flaw in Sid. But Shiv, like his mythological namesake is perfect, having it all! Here’s what happens next:

Humpty 5

Sid is flabbergasted, but decides to give his alliance with Alia one last shot. He catches up with her in the sarson ka khet…the one she’s watering on Farmville!!! Excerpts from their conversation:

Humpty 6

Humpty 7

Humpty 8

Humpty 9

Sid decides to try a different tack.

Humpty 10

Humpty 13

Humpty 14

Not the one to accept defeat, Sid decides to go easy on Alia and ask her some basic G.K. questions.

Humpty 11

Humpty 15

Just then, Varun strides in so Sid decides to grill them both.

Humpty 16

Humpty 17

Sid runs for his life. With Alia’s father’s blessings, of course! πŸ˜†

Humpty 18

Meanwhile, the two fools pledge their stupidity to each other for life among other things. They come home to Baoji to receive his blessings. Here’s what the newly-weds are gifted:

Humpty 19

THE END (THANK GOD!!!)

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