This one is on ma mind Knight & Day!

Individually, when seen on their own, I detest Katrina and will continue to do so, Jab Tak Hain Jaan, for her pathetic acting chops πŸ˜‰ and Hrithik for perpetually looking like a chiseled mutton chop πŸ˜†

Together, the two couldn’t work their magic on me in Chikni Chameli and Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara couldn’t tempt me to catch it Dobara! πŸ˜‰

Somehow, these two seem to have gotten lucky the third time around. With the golden highlights bouncing off his luscious curls, Indian women can finally be blinded and bedazzled by their very own Made-In-India Simon Baker. πŸ˜‰

I’m sure on waking up each morning, Kat looks the way I look after slathering on layers of greasepaint for a grand wedding reception. Prepped and primed for a shot, she undoubtedly looks like a goddess! These two look so scorching-hot in Bang Bang, I’m already imagining how cute their babies would be! πŸ˜‰

The trailers promise high-octane action. If you recall, so did those of Dhoom! πŸ™„ I remember guffawing and swearing the loudest and even hurling popcorn at Aamir’s face as he regaled? his fans with the most laughable stunts of the millennium! Indeed, that movie spelt DOOM DOOM for the genre. πŸ˜† Fingers crossed Hrithik doesn’t make us HANG HANG our heads in shame! πŸ˜‰

I quite like the music. Each song has been steadily growing on me. A very casual, clubby feel emanates from the dance tracks. Something light and airy that I can play on my IPod. Something that isn’t designed to bring on a monster-migraine-attack like that hideous snakecharmer’s composition- Malang Malang! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€ The videos of BB are shot stylishly, the leads look like a million bucks in their crisply- tailored attire and everything seems so well put together. Let’s hope we get the maximum BANG for our bucks. Make that BANGBANG for our bucks!

Ta Da! Face-Off Time Guys!

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TRIPE OF INDIA

So, for those of you who are on Pluto and haven’t caught a whiff of the Deepika Padukone Vs ToI Tiff, here’s what transpired between the warring factions on Twitter Sunday last.

India’s leading house of journalism, having nothing more newsworthy to publish, decided to spice up their website with stock footage of Dips in a blouse with a dipping neckline. Creative huh? πŸ™„ And the headline they came up with simply is the proverbial cherry on the icing!β€˜OMG! Deepika Padukone’s Cleavage Show!!!’ WOW! SIMPLY WOW! (Saif Ali Style πŸ˜‰ )

Miss Fanny, who I’ve always thought is diplomacy personified, has kicked ToI smack on its fanny and how!

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To which the ToI came back with the mother of all retorts!

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😯 😯 😯

I’ve been following the ensuing brouhaha where the entire film fraternity and rival news publications are lauding Dips for taking on such an established and powerful news syndicate by its horns. And then there are some, like the ditzy Pooja Bedi, who are milking this issue dry with the hopes of receiving a fat raise. Such loyalty towards the employer I tell you! Padhke aankh mein aasu aa gaye! πŸ˜‰

Personally, I fully understand why the TOI has to resort to such drastic measures to ensure they stay visible. Even though they source the most premium quality of paper to print their “news” on, the final product is still way inferior to the tissue roll hanging in my toilet! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜† Didn’t Ranbir Kapoor say something to the same effect once? Atta Boy! πŸ˜›

I never thought that day would arrive but it has. Today’s Bombay Times is noticeably voluminous than the main newspaper (Considering the trashy Mirror as an appendage) There are sexperts like Mahinder Watsa, who in my opinion, is the greatest Indian inventor (of sexual fiction) of all time! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† This detailed and rather disgusting query had me ditching my mornin’ cuppa for good. Read it at your own risk! πŸ˜‰

Mahinder Watsa

Years ago, the collegian in me witnessed Mid Day to be a best seller in the Gents’ Compartment. No, no, I wasn’t the fly on the wall there! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€ It’s just that the vendor would enter with an armload of Mid-Days that would sell like hotcakes and then enter the ladies’ compartment with the insipid Afternoon D&C, whose crosswords reaffirmed β€˜Haan main paanchvi paas se bahut zyaada tez hoon!’ πŸ˜† If Mid-Day symbolized the raunchy mate, from now on, ToI will be synonymous with voyeuristic porn.

Oops pics might titillate and be enjoyed by a few but for the larger majority, they are a major put-off. If you own such a large database of pictures that debase, by all means come out with a PlayTOI for the horny few. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜† But then you shouldn’t portray yourself to be a crusader of women’s rights. What’s the grand idea in talking about mahila shakti on Pages 1 and 2 and then giving us a glimpse of Alia’s chaddi, when her skirt accidentally rode up during a promotional event, on Page 3. That makes you the worst kind of hypocrite there ever is! πŸ™„

When you take a stand, I think it is representative of your entire conglomerate. So was Arnab’s condemning and crucifying Nirbhaya’s heinous rapists just a farce? Or was she spared from such humiliating objectification just because she didn’t have a wow cleavage a la Miss Padukone?

Getting back to dips,The ToI might have showed us her cleavage but the girl showed us she’s got balls! As Alia puts it so succinctly,

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I’m euphoric you’ve finally got what was coming to you, you Tribe of Idiots (ToI)! πŸ˜† And here’s a little treat from the far-superior Hindu to buoy that euphoria a little more. Enjoy!

There’s KOMthing about Mary!

When Holiday released, the only clue that tipped me off about SonHATHI being a boxer were her bright neon XXXL BOXERS! πŸ˜† So badly has the daughter of KHAMOSH sullied a boxing great’s image, Laila Ali must have definitely fallen BEHOSH πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

MC Mary Kom certainly won’t go into a KOMA πŸ˜† when she watches her biopic.

The story of Mary Kom- The Film tries hard to trace the life-story of Mary Kom- The Legend. Of her impoverished upbringing in an obscure Manipuri household, of her frugal education, of her fractured relationship with a conservative father, of the simmering anger within her, of her belligerent foray into a sport as intense and brutal as boxing, of her rise to fame and the subsequent bleakness of anonymity brought on by marriage and motherhood, and finally of her determination to redeem herself as one of Asia’s formidable pugilists.

Phew! Quite a commendable journey that! But Mr. SLB (Sanjay Leela Bhansali) insists on behaving like a SOB! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜† He liberally peppers fact with fiction. We want an unadulterated BIOPIC Mr. Bhansali. We never desired to BUY-YOUR-FIC(tion) πŸ˜‰

The young Mary Kom, testosterone-ridden to the point of beating the shit outta every boy in Manipur, has been shown to join the sport only to give direction to the anger consuming her. Man(i)pur ki Man-eater, eh? πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜†
In reality, Kom took up boxing after being heavily inspired by another boxing luminary, Dingko Singh.

Which makes me wonder if SLB has shown Kom sharing such an uneasy equation with her father, just for the sake of melodrama. The real Papa Kom might have forbidden his daughter from taking up the sport as it would mar her pretty face and make her SCARY Kom instead πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† which in turn would derail her chances of finding marriage alliances. But I’m not so sure if he was completely in the dark and learnt of his daughter’s advent into the sport only through the tabloids! I mean who does that, besides Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, breaking the news of her breakup to Vivek Oberoi in the TOI? πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜†

Before painting Papa Kom as a monster, SLB should have paused to reflect that woh ugaata hai Chaawal, ukhaadta nahi hai like the villainous Paresh Rawal! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

And I can bet my bottom dollar that Papa didn’t scream ATTACK! sitting in his living room for Mary to hear thousands of miles away that propelled her to deliver that winning blow! 😯 Sheesh! Aaj kal tadka gravies mein hi nahi, biographies mein bhi daalne lage hai! πŸ˜†

As if this wasn’t enough, there are plenty of product endorsements we must silently endure. Was Mankind’s Prega News Home Pregnancy Test available at the beginning of mankind πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† considering Kom had her bonny boys close to a decade ago? πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€ We are enlightened to the fact that Havmor ice-cream was her craving and are given a quick lesson in patriotism when the camera pans in on Tata Salt in her pantry. Aakhir Kom ne desh ka namak jo khaaya hai! 😯

Piggy Chops packs in quite a punch. After subtracting 1 point for her fake Manipuri accent (which sounded more like my Gurkha’s Nepalese btw πŸ˜† πŸ˜† – Aai Shalaam Shaaib, tumrah bocha aaj khelne ko aaya nahi neeche) πŸ˜† performance-wise, she stands neck-to-neck with her unbeatable Jhilmil. From now on, she’s officially Piggy BOX! πŸ˜‰

Pee Cee’s spirited act is the only redeeming feature of this feature film. Sadly, that’s just what it is. An act. However superb! Wish they’d scratched beyond the surface of Mary Kom’s brawn. Woh toh already Wiki pe text form mein available hai FOR FREE! πŸ˜‰

Now here are some pics that speak volumes about the real Mary Kom. Enjoy!

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