The Ultimate KUTTI Party

As I sat watching Entertainment, I couldn’t help thinking Vidya has some serious competition from a ‘Baal’an of the canine kind ๐Ÿ˜† Sajid-Farhad’s latest is testament enough that Filmein bas teen cheezon se chalti hain. Entertainment, Entertainment aur Entertainment. Amen! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Critics might be hell-bent on shoving the Golden Kela down the Golden Retriever’s throat but honestly, just like the shade of his lush coat, he simply is the brightest spot in the film.

entertainment-movie-screens-distribution

Akshay who plays Akhil Lokhande really should have been named ‘Nakal’ POORkhande ๐Ÿ˜† He’s spoofing fat guys on a Teleshopping Channel. Think the former Adnan Sami types, replete with 36B boobs and all! He even tempts a baby to latch on!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† He also masquerades as an umpire in a Borivali-Dombivali league match ๐Ÿ˜† and shows the players the finger one too many times just so that he can quickly escape and make it in time for that date.

His girlfriend, Saakshi, the over-enthusiastic soapstress, is dubbed Balaji ki Chulbullu. It’s a good thing she didn’t approach Kapil for a part. Acting chops as hammy as hers, he’d be sure to give her a humongous Babaji ka Thullu! ๐Ÿ˜€

Chakravarthi acts like a CHAKRAMvarthi ๐Ÿ˜† The miserly father buys furniture with arm rests and other vital parts missing simply because they’re cheaper! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Here too, he’s in full DID mode. DIE IN DARKNESS! ๐Ÿ˜† He makes do with candlelight just so that others don’t discover the flaws and poke fun at his FUNiture. ROFL! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† He refuses to give his daughter’s hand in marriage to Akhil POORkhande.

As luck would have it, Akhil’s the DNA of Pannalal Johri, Bangkok’s noted diamond merchant, DNA being Daddy’s Naajayaz Aulaad! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Johri dies, leaving behind an empire worth 3000 crores. Off trots Akhil to the land of tuk tuks to lead a life of sukh sukhs. Alas! In store lie only dukh dukhs. For the oldie bequeathed his estate to someone who does buk buks! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† Slumdog millionaire indeed! ๐Ÿ˜†

In walks Akhil’s bestie, Jugnu, a DVD peddler who talks filmy. Sample this. ‘Akhil, yaar mujhe pata hai ki tera khoon Danny BOYLE ho raha hai. Tujhe agar apna future hrithik ROSHAN chahiye, toh TIGER shroff ban, ajay devGUN nikaal aur us kameene kutte KO MAAR mere Akshay Kumar!!!’ The two invest in a book describing (hilarious) methods to do away with the dog but it’s fun watching Entertainment turn the tables on the duo.

Itโ€™s-Entertainment-Movie-Still-1

One chapter’s titled Seduction and they almost succeed in getting the dog to elope with a rather brazen bitch. But curiosity gets the better of them and tempts them to follow the dogs deep into the woods. One misstep has Akhil slipping off the branch of a tree and landing headfirst into a hollow log. I almost peed laughing when Jugnu leaned against the same log, crying his eyes out at the failure of finding his lost friend! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Johnny Lever, as Johri’s loyal lawyer, is first rate. Named Habibullah, he’s rather touchy about anyone getting his name wrong. So you can imagine when he glides into the frame in a gondola at night hoping to scare the goons and they mistake him for and call him GORILLA, he almost gives himself away trying to correct the error. ROFL! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Another brilliant moment is towards the climax when Jugnu and Habibullah chance upon a set of knives and decide to strike the goons with them. But Jugnu’s faulty aim sees the knives flying in reverse and lodging themselves in Habibullah! Numbed with pain and shock, Habibullah stumbles jerkily into the street and peddles the knives. ‘Lelo bhai lelo, dus mein lelo. Pandhra mein lelo’ ROFL! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

u8tq6rwbtzaapfhq.D.0.Johnny-Lever-Krishna-Abhishek-Entertainment-Film-Pic

If you can forgive the frenzied Priyadarshan-style ending, where everyone is hitting everyone, the yawn-inducing villains, and some slapstick comic moments like a dog biting the villain’s crotch, you just might end up with this one in your collection like me.

Dumb and HUMPer!

My lil tyke’s latest obsession is mobile phones. After dunking my husband’s Note in a bucketful of water, those cheap, China-made plastic mobiles you get outside Borivli station are the closest he’ll ever get to a cellphone! ๐Ÿ˜† Anyway, the first one we got him was a sleek BlackCherry!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† He’s currently on his Naakia LOO-MEIN-AAA!!!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

I find the names of these fakes highly amusing. Simply love the names they’re saddled with. EyeFone, Phony, Adidos..hell, even Yike! ๐Ÿ˜†

Humpty Sharma ki Dulhaniya (HSKD) is one such fake that felt more like an insult than a tribute to the evergreen romance story that is DDLJ. Debutant director Khaitan’s name itself is testament enough that he’s a massive PANKHA of the greatest love story of our times but my shanka of him butchering it beyond redemption proved to be true.

OK, so there’s dumb Alia from Ambala ๐Ÿ˜† who’ll settle for nothing less than a Manish Malhotra-designed-lehenga for her impending wedding. We’re told it costs a full five lakhs, the value obviously lost on Alia! Check it out:

Humpty 1

Humpty 2

Humpty 3

Off she trots to the capital with the capital in hand in pursuit of a lehenga but instead, ends up nanga! ๐Ÿ˜› So much for blowing up five lakhs on a lehenga! ๐Ÿ™„

Saari life besharmi ki heights, Ek Tu, Ek Main aur Ho dim dim yeh lights would make for the perfect background score for HUMPty BESHARM(a) takes his name rather literally! ๐Ÿ˜› After deflowering every filly in Dilli, he sets his sights on this exotic Ambala ki kali. Everyone knows that the smart-allecky gimmicks will eventually lead to a sizzling kiss. After all, Alia Emraan Hashmi aka non-stop smooch karnewala Amaron Kissme ki behen jo thehri! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜† Par jaise powder ke saath tikiya free aur toothpaste ke saath toothbrush free milta hai, yahaan smooch ke saath bahut koooch mila dekhne ko! ๐Ÿ˜†

Humpty 4

After kahi saari suhaag raatein, Alia leaves to get married to Sid aka Shiv from Balika Vadhu! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Dhawan follows hoping to be THE ONE. Masquerading as a waiter, he dies by day. His reward? DO by night! ๐Ÿ˜› This movie indeed is a ROM(P)COM! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Remember Lajja Shankar, the maniacal, fanatical villain from Sangharsh? (Coincidentally Alia played a young Zinta in that film) Brace yourselves, guys! He’s Alia’s baoji in the film. The director should have named him Lajja here cuz that’s exactly what he feels when he catches HUMPty Dumpty SITTING ON HIS DOLL!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

download (1)

Baoji here is a softer-hearted version of the kadak Puri Raj couldn’t bite through in DDLJ. He promises Varun Alia’s hand in marriage if he can find one flaw in Sid. But Shiv, like his mythological namesake is perfect, having it all! Here’s what happens next:

Humpty 5

Sid is flabbergasted, but decides to give his alliance with Alia one last shot. He catches up with her in the sarson ka khet…the one she’s watering on Farmville!!! Excerpts from their conversation:

Humpty 6

Humpty 7

Humpty 8

Humpty 9

Sid decides to try a different tack.

Humpty 10

Humpty 13

Humpty 14

Not the one to accept defeat, Sid decides to go easy on Alia and ask her some basic G.K. questions.

Humpty 11

Humpty 15

Just then, Varun strides in so Sid decides to grill them both.

Humpty 16

Humpty 17

Sid runs for his life. With Alia’s father’s blessings, of course! ๐Ÿ˜†

Humpty 18

Meanwhile, the two fools pledge their stupidity to each other for life among other things. They come home to Baoji to receive his blessings. Here’s what the newly-weds are gifted:

Humpty 19

THE END (THANK GOD!!!)

The Korean CHORean!

Given the rate at which the Suris and Bhatts of this world ‘MURDER’ unsuspecting Korean flicks- Coincidence they have a ‘Murder’ franchise?! ๐Ÿ˜† I wouldn’t be surprised if our chinky-eyed brethren decide to stick churis up their butts! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

This time around, the Korean CHORean ๐Ÿ˜† has rifled through his humongous South-East-Asian DVD collection yet again! In the process of toning down the gore, the Cut-Copy-Paste specialist has transformed a classic into an absolute bore! Ek Villain is pure tripe- terribly watered-down and pathetically farcical!

A look at the main characters:

Shraddha Kaoor as Ayesha. However, looking at her antics, I think she was still playing Aarohi FIRKI ๐Ÿ˜†

Sid MalHOTra as Guru. Way to go boy! From Student of the Year less than two years ago to Guru! Impressive!!! ๐Ÿ˜†

Riteish Deshmukh as Rakesh/ Rakshas Mahadkar

Aamna Sharif– Biwi kam, greedy zyaada. Not so sharif after all! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Let’s start with the girl I love to hate! ๐Ÿ˜‰ You didn’t think you could steal ARK from me and earn bouquets too, eh Shraddha? ๐Ÿ˜›

Scene 1: At Aarohi Shirke aka Aayesha’s adda.

EV1

Yaaaaaaaaaa….Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! AAAOOOOOOOOOOOOch!!!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Looks like it indeed was a good screw! ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Scene 2: In the Mahadkars’ kholi.

EV2

EV3

EV4

Scene 3: Rakesh with the ultimate misogynist Kamaal R Khan at the pool.

EV5

Scene 4: Guru moping at home.

EV6

Scene 5: Now Guru miraculously chances upon Rakesh’s son in a church, telltale chakri in tow.

EV7

Scene 6: Guru tails the cheeky lad who leads him (inadvertently) to his father. Each time Rakesh descends on his prey, Guru gets in the way.

EV8

EV9

Scene 7: Frustrated, Rakesh tries to seek solace in a dance bar.

EV10

In his drunken stupor, Rakesh is unaware that Guru shoves a GPS tracker up his arse. The graphics are a little too vivid for me to post them up here! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜†

Scene 8: Later, that night at the Mahadkar residence. Mrs. Mahadkar rustles up an explosive dish. Daliya garnished liberally with Farty Aaloos. (humming softly) Meri daliya, daliya meri daliya, tujhe tadpaaye daliya meri daliya ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜†

EV11

The next morning, the tracker flew with a great velocity… and landed close to where Rakesh PAADHkar was squatting! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

On the railway tracks, of course!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

A sequel awaits! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

THE Nose!

Aapro Hee-mes Besharmiya ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜† is back with a bang! The bang being the sound of my forehead against the wall ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

It would seem that Mr. Jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none’s role in The Xpose was tailor-made for him. An ex-cop turned Southern superstar who’s set his sights on Bollywood, Ravi Kumar’s persona is a troubling mishmash of Jaani’s arrogance, Rajini’s flamboyance and Big B’s vengeance! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Even a cocktail has fewer ingredients! ๐Ÿ˜†

But the big cock that Besharmiya is, he shamelessly got the director to add one more facet to his character: Sherlock Holmes’ intelligence!!! ๐Ÿ™„

He tries too hard to pass off as a sleuth. Instead, with the mind-boggling lines he mouths, he comes across as a Ch#*@!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Don’t believe me? Here’s how he advertises his celibacy.
โ€˜Ravi Kumar bistar mein neend ke alawa kuch nahi leta.โ€™ ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Bed tea ya kambal bhi nahi kya? ๐Ÿ˜›

When he’s being a bad-ass and beating the shit outta people, he says something to the effect of tumhaare ragon mein daudnewaala khoon mere moot se kam hain!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Sheesh!

Set in the sinful sixties, B-towners are portrayed as an insecure, scheming, and promiscuous lot. As a much-married music composer, Yo Yo Honey Singh seems to yo yo between the pretties like a bunny in heat. While that may not be so far removed from reality, The Xpose shamelessly stereotypes. Predictably, it’s the aspiring Catholic actress who’s made to be the slut, the one without aatm sammaan. A la Zeenat Aman, she flaunts her…ahem…saamaan! ๐Ÿ˜› The other newbie is Chandni, a clean baabdi (think Parveen Babi)! No prizes for guessing whom the hero will take home to his Amma ๐Ÿ™„

Anyway, the bad apple falls faster and harder than Newton’s apple from the Teesri Manzil? at an awards after-party where Yo Yo Honey Singh-er’s ‘After party’ and the whole skeleton jig would have made a whole lot of sense. That of course doesn’t happen. What follows will make you wrinkle your nose in disgust.

I shit you not, but the nasal wonder uses HIS NOSE!!! to sniff out the killer in this whodunit. There seems to be no other plausible explanation of how he could crack this baffler!

The nose is undoubtedly Besharmiya’s prized asset and he uses it to the maximum in The Xpose by poking his nose in others’ affairs! ๐Ÿ˜†

Even if you get free tickets for this one, just politely say NAAK-aa! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

image
Image Credit: http://www.afterpackup.com

Heartening MyQueen!

Lightning McQueen, take a backseat! Queen is all everyone at home wants to watch these days. Never mind that the pirated print looks more like the handiwork of a Parkinson patient ๐Ÿ˜† it’s a blessed relief to finally be free of all the droning and the moaning (when McQueen loses ya!) and my surreptitious yawning! ๐Ÿ˜›

Queen is such an uplifting film. And no! I’m not at all referring to the effect of Lisa Haydon’s charms on the menfolk! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜€

Queen plots how a naive girl from Karol Baugh metamorphoses into a Vaagh ๐Ÿ˜† Vaagh Bakri Chai would have been the perfect brand partner for this film! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

The virginal daughter of a simple Halwai, Rani’s choices in life, right from her all-concealing pastel sweaters to her choice of var (groom), are essentially goody-good and safe, all stamped with parental approval. So when she’s dumped rather unceremoniously at the altar, she understandingly mopes and then elopes! With the blessings of her family ( Jaa Rani jaa, jee le apni zindagi),ย  she embarks on her honeymoon alone! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Three cheers for behenji who’s no more in the mood to do hainji hainji ๐Ÿ˜€

From forging an unlikely friendship with a woman whose sexual partners are as numerous as the motifs on her kurtis to sharing a room with three (extremely adorable) men in the sin capital of the world, thoroughly enjoying a pole-dancing escapade to pulling off an energetic Amaron Kissme …whoops…Emraan Hashmi ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† on a devilishly-cute Italian chef, Rani’s choices can best be described as risquรฉ. And Risky Rani is so much fun!

She makes a Parisian mugger look like a chhakka ….uske chhakke jo udaa diye ๐Ÿ˜† She introduces French Toast to the French ๐Ÿ˜ฏ , drives for the first time in her life, that too right-handed! Jaise daaye…oops..baaye haath ka khel ho! ๐Ÿ˜‰ She buys souvenirs from Kink Kong ๐Ÿ˜ฏ leather straps and booby traps…oops caps ๐Ÿ˜› her gol gappas wreak total siyappa in their tummies ๐Ÿ˜† yet the goras clamor for more and to symbolize that her life is truly rocking, she ends her Dutch sojourn by attending a rock show!

What an enlightening, enriching and liberating film! Though Vijay the pishe ๐Ÿ˜† insenstively blew her off from his life like he thoughtlessly blew off the powdery dust that fell off from her bridal mehndi in the coffee shop, Rani knows she owes her new-found confidence and self-worth to her MCP fiancรฉ. Her extremely mature break-up while genuinely thanking him for redefining her life by his callousness is by far the sweetest cherry on any cake I’ve ever eaten!ย  No scheming, plotting, badle ki aag seene mein jalna and all that…Ah! Refreshing!!!

Queen is like a Rapidex crash course in all these important lessons of life.

A. You don’t need a man to complete your world. Mard, more often than not, is the root cause of all sardard. Use sparingly. ๐Ÿ˜†

B. Always, always, always remember to:

Love Thyself.

Not vainly, but sanely ๐Ÿ˜‰

A honeymoon is essentially a love holiday, so why not use it to love ourselves even if there’s no one to fawn over us? We’re worth it no? ๐Ÿ˜‰

C. Live life King-size. Or Queen-size! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hum jeete hain ek baar, marte hain ek baar, do it all before your life is kaabaar! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

D. Sometimes the wrong train…in Rani’s case, the wrong plane, ๐Ÿ™‚ takes you to the right place. All we have to do is keep an open mind and let life happen.

E. No good has ever come from frowning at or fighting fate. Rani discovered that prostitutes and pole-dancers aren’t all that different from the rest of us. On second thoughts, well, maybe they are. They at least have hearts of gold! But had she to hold on steadfastly to her conservative and puritan views, she’d never have discovered the good side of these characters whom we are quick to saddle with the ‘questionable’ tag.

F. There exists only one universal language. It’s called L.O.V.E. Even if everyone’s breaking out in tongues a la The Pentecost ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† this language transcends all barriers and binds hearts like no other. It’s what helped Rani sympathize with the sorrow of her orphaned Japanese buddy, identify the loneliness consuming her socially-overactive Indo-French friend and empathize with the choices the Dutch prostitute made.

G. Learn to move on. To the next chapter in life. Every page holds promise. Rani broke out of her cocoon in Paris but she actually sprouted wings and became the irresistible butterfly that she did in Amsterdam. And to think she was contemplating canceling the Dutch leg of her trip!

And lastly, as painful as it sounds:

H. All good things have to come to an end. Assimilate all the love, all the memories, everything else you’ve gained from the life-altering experience and your life will automatically assume a magical hue.

I’m sure Rani lived happily ever after….That’s the only way the story of this gutsy Queen could go!

image

Lips Don’t Lie!

Anushka Sharma’s revamped honth made me go loth poth! ๐Ÿ˜† I mean, even Kapil would stop ridiculing the nakli Mrs. Sharma if he saw the asli Miss Sharma’s puckers.

Now, apni Anushka is crazy about bats and men wielding crick(et) bats ๐Ÿ˜› but brickBATS she never bargained for! She still vehemently denies going under the knife and wonders why things have ‘Blown Out Of Proportion’. We’re thinking the same thing too! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Her manager has pointed fingers at a lip plumper as the rogue product in her vanity case!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ That seals the fate of a burgeoning (pun intended!) 500-crore-worth industry! ๐Ÿ˜‰

I remember a statement, just as preposterous, issued years ago by Kangana Ranaut. When asked why her lips were suddenly looking fuller, ย she pinned the blame squarely on….I shit you not!…TIGER PRAWNS!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Me thinks the ‘Tiger’ was the culprit alright ๐Ÿ˜› and not the poor prawns! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Sushmita Sen implanted, Rakhi Sawant TRIMplanted ๐Ÿ˜€ Farah Khan did a lipo, Pee Cee rid herself of her Curtly Ambrose lippos ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† Vanity, vanity, thy name is woman!

Below: Major correction needed! Replace the word ‘Next’ in the screenshot below with ‘Now Showing’!!! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜†

unnamed

Lootera!

I’m all for exhibitionists and their scorching PDA. Their antics are an elixir to my soul! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sunanda Tharoor (God bless her soul!) took away with her my fledgling interest in politics.

My interest in Bollywood too is slowly waning. The current crop of actors, with their politically-correct, well-rehearsed responses and their guarded stance, make me want to kill myself! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Thank God for Ranveer Singh! Just like Rakhi Sawant made the last decade so memorable for us, Ranveer Singh has taken it upon himself to up the ante in present times. Notice these two colorful personalities share the same initials. Coincidence eh? ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, the latest is that Ranveer Singh is still high on Ram Leela. Wonder why when it was his girlfriend who walked away with all the accolades! ๐Ÿ™„

Anyway, at Ahana Deol’s reception, our Desi Romeo and Juliet had suhaag raat more on their minds than the newly-wed couple themselves! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ According to onlookers, the concerned hosts rushed to Ranveer’s side thinking lahu muh lag gaya till they discovered lover’s muh lag gaya!!! ๐Ÿ˜† Dippy, high time you invest in non-transferable lippies! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

After the kiss, a piss was in order. ๐Ÿ˜€ Gallant lover instantly dropped his plate to escort his Juliet to the Looliet….oops…Toilet. ๐Ÿ˜› I wonder what reason he might have given Dippy for chaperoning her. “Nahi, main bhi saath chaloonga. Mujhe banna hai LOO tera!!!” ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

image

Abey, yeh kabaab mein haddi kahaan se aa gaya!

Hit Kick Roshan

Pinky Roshan must have craved for M&Bs while Hrithik writhed in her tummy. How else could the boy have been blessed with it ALL! Smoldering green eyes, perfectly chiseled features, a marvelously sculpted torso, HRH HR (Hrithik Roshan) can make EVERY man on the planet feel like he should go and live under a bridge ๐Ÿ˜†

Quite the epitome of perfection with hisย  enviable looks and killer talent, it got a tad boring to discover the man was acutely aware of the edge he enjoyed over others and to watch him oscillate between feigned humility and blatant cockiness *yawn*.ย ย 

An extra bit of flesh jostling for room on his right hand was the only thing that defied HR’s primness on KJo’s chat show and it certainly livened things up on the MOST boring episode of Koffee with Karan! I’m sure the second thumb was planted deliberately by the Gods to keep the man grounded and realize that even though the fairer sex deifies him, he can never afford to think he’s right up there, in their league.

With what has unfolded recently, it seems the man is imperfect in more ways than one. Divorcing your spouse no longer elicits surprise. It’s the done thing these days. But to ‘time’ your announcement such that it doesn’t affect your ‘good’ superhero image and instead benefits you by helping you gross unimaginable amounts of moolah but spells doom for your spouse days before she showcases her labor of love to the world makes you a HUUUGE Superzero!

For all the bravado he exudes on screen, the cat-eyed man is a scaredy cat to share the ‘heartbreaking’ news with his legions of fans holed up in an L.A. hotel room.

To insinuate that Suzanne called it quits because she enjoyed her RAMPs with a PAL is sick. Tu bhi toh BAARBAAR MORI jaaya karta tha ๐Ÿ˜› susu karne!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† Case of pot calling the kettle black, eh? Lekin tab Suzanne ne teri patang (Kites) nahi kaati na? ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

The woman was grace personified at her newest store’s launch. No traces of resentment on her luminous face, no inflection of bitterness in her voice. With dignity, she pinned the blame for her divorce solely on herself and Hrithik even though a blazing row with her highly obnoxious, biased and interfering mother-in-law supposedly was the final nail in the coffin.

If your relationship is strong, no third person can penetrate your universe but if the foundation of your marriage is broken by repeated breaches of trust, no third party will ever succeed at saving it.

It’s a misnomer that a breakdown of trust usually arises from something as damning as engaging in an illicit affair. Anyone who’s suffered disillusionment in marriage will testify that tiny, seemingly harmless sparks are perfectly capable of reducing everything to ashes. A spouse is guilty of crucifying his relationship if he engages in any/all of the following:
1. concealing the truth from his partner,
2. lying through his teeth to save his hide,
3. stabbing his partner in the back,
4. maligning his partner’s name. Even worse, when he’s in cahoots with his folks who’d enjoy nothing less than seeing the marriage crumble.

I’m glad the more mature and level-headed of the two gets to rear lovely Hridhaan and Hrehaan and mould them so that they become the very antithesis of their father.
Splitting from an air-headed, frivolous man like HR will also do a ton of good to Anna’s self-esteem, not to mention how pretty 5000 crores will look sitting in her bank account! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

Really, this is one of those cases where one can safely conclude all’s well that ends well. Amen!

image

Screw Dheela!

The debacle of Saawariya has indeed made the man a Baawariya! ๐Ÿ˜€ Who plants peacocks in the Rann of Kutch? ๐Ÿ˜ฏ True, Mr. SanjAESTHETIC Bhansali has a penchant for making every frame a visual treat, but peacocks in the middle of a stark desert?!? Really?!?

Furthermore, Bhansali has taken every conceivable liberty there is in his adaptation of Shakespeare’s classic. Now, don’t spill your coffee, but our desi RAMeo ekes out his living by running a…ahem… blue-film lending library!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ in the Raand of….oops Rann of Kutch! ๐Ÿ˜›

Leela, on the other hand, is easily the most wanton Juliet I have EVER seen! She just pounces on Ram and literally chews his lips off the FIRST time she sets eyes on him!!! Guys, any of you remember Claire Danes??? How innocent she seemed in every frame? How tentative and ‘sweet’ her kisses were? Leela seems like a pro(stitute) ๐Ÿ˜† in comparison. She caresses Ram’s butt and even makes out with him in his Hall of Shame! I thought she was trying to outperform every one of those girls in Ram’s disc collection. ๐Ÿ˜› Bhansali really should’ve roped in Sunny Leone to play Leela. The woman has the requisite expertise to pull off the raunchiness more convincingly and would have cut production costs considerably. ๐Ÿ˜†

SLB, in the future, must also remember to remunerate his dialogue writers more handsomely else there’s always the risk of his magnum opus passing off as a crude David Dhawan-esque sexfest. Leela actually quizzes Ram about ‘his size!’ ๐Ÿ˜ฏ No matter how horny one might be feeling, who in this day and age mouths lines like, ‘Green angoor aur peela kela!’ ๐Ÿ˜† Sheesh! Looks like Bhansali is desperate to get Ram’s lending library to circulate his semi-porn flick after all!

BELOW: Hey Ram!

image