Karma Deductions

July 15, 2017 is a date sure to go down in the annals of cinematic history.

Very rarely do you see pedigree shame itself. Three successful men, with roots in the industry deeper than those of that ancient banyan tree in your courtyard, made bumbling fools of themselves by proudly defending nepotism of all things in the world! 😳😳😳😷😷😷😷That too on national TV!!! 😱😱😱 Life truly imitated art, for indeed, we saw 3 Idiots for real on that day!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Nepotism and its cousin, the infamous Casting Couch,.. remind me so much of Lord Voldemort! πŸ‘½ They who must never be named!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

On and off, several small-time starlets have summoned a mustard-seed-of-courage to speak up against these twin evils sullying the industry since its inception. We never did hear from them again. Their careers were finished before they could even begin!

And then came a woman with balls bigger than those of all the men collectively in Bollywood. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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The Queen Bee..tch .. Β is what these sissies call her behind her back! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

She hit a towering sixer when she asked the Sixer of Bollyland [Hrithik, who else πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚] to not hide behind his father but to deal with her directly in the open as he used to clandestinely deal with her behind closed doors in the past! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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She then locked horns with the frivolous KJo who we have been JLoing like his Hollywood counterpart. The cherry on the icing is that she did it on his own chat show!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

She called him out for ridiculing her accent when she was a struggler much to her co-guest, Saif Ali Khan’s discomfort. As if that wasn’t enough to set their mouths wide open, she left them with their jaws burrowed deep in their chest when she accused Johar (and rightly so) of being a “Snooty Flag Bearer of Nepotism” and a “Movie Mafia” of sorts. Her candor was so refreshing especially since half of the season could best be described as a diplomatic saga.

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Kangana’s a smart woman because she chose to wait for the right time to fight these bullies. When she’s at the top of her game without fear of being silenced like the not-so-fortunate newbies. When she’s so secure in her space that she refuses to worship the ground the movers and shakers of the film fraternity walk on. When nobody can topple her off the pinnacle because even if you consider all of them together, collectively they don’t possess even an iota of her talent!

I never was a huge fan of Kangana in her early days of acting. She cloned herself in every other release so much so that I couldn’t tell a Gangster apart from Woh Lamhe or even a Fashion.

And then came Once Upon A Time… and I was hooked onto the fabulous success story she single-handedly penned in this male-dominated world she was born to rule over.

I used to admire her bravado for lashing out against the cowards who doused her sister with acid but it was only earlier this year that I fell in love with her simplicity when she appeared on the Kapil Sharma Show with Shahid and laughed her guts out at Gutthi’s adorable antics.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ She laughed without restrain…without any fear of her mascara smudging or her foundation caking. She laughed like a child…not like how a woman is conditioned by society to laugh.

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And now I respect her because she spat out her grudges to the person who’d wronged her to his face and didn’t indulge in malicious gossip behind his back. She wasn’t overly sweet to him neither was she vindictive but she’d cleared the air between them and had KJo been mature about the whole thing, Dharma was sure to spring a blockbuster in the near future with the Queen, no less, at the helm.

But the man-baby had to cry on every shoulder he found. In London, whilst speaking to Anupama Chopra, the presumptuous old fart embarrassed himself by revealing that he was surprised Kangana even knew the meaning of Flag Bearer of Nepotism!!! 😎

Kangana herself had mentioned it to him that Anupama’s husband is her biggest well-wisher in the industry. Either KJo intended for the spite to reach Kangs’ ears loud and clear or he’s as dumb as the films he conceives to want to bare his bleeding heart to someone who clearly belongs in Camp Kangana!

Be as it may, he dug his own grave at the IIFA by dissing her when she wasn’t even around to defend herself. How cowardly! I’ve never doubted him being a sissy but the machismo Saif and Varun exude on screen has to be a sham! 😜Kangana has had no issue with both hitherto so their ass-kissing stunt, just to score a few brownie points from Johar, speaks volumes about their gentlemanly facade. Good thing that they aren’t gonna forget the dreadful taste of their feet in their mouth anytime soon!😎

Not sure about the fate of Dharma Productions, but Karma deductions for distasteful behaviour happened in full swing on that day!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

 

Thook Re!

Although I’m all for bromances on the big screen, I really think filmmakers should now give this premise a rest. I’m terribly bored of tasting the same old wine packed in a new bottle for the last 12 years and counting! Wine gets better with age, they say. That doesn’t hold true here though. My whines seem to be getting better with age! πŸ˜†

So, Fukrey is not about F*#@ing as misinterpreted by the very disappointed youth filing out of the theatre way before the interval πŸ˜› It’s about being cheap, thinking cheap and doing cheap. The four protagonists are a bunch of aimless adolescent Dilliwala-velas whose khwaabs ironically reflect expensive tastes- kabaabs, sharaabs and shabaabs. Grand dreams of living the good life whiz about in their heads like rockets when there is not a phooti kaudi in their pockets πŸ˜€

Perpetually in wonderland, they remind me of Alice (not referring to the Who the F*#@ one :razz:, though it might seem apt here :wink:) spiralling downwards into the gaping black Kuaa of Juaa, Dhuaan, Marijuaana et al. Three of the smart-asses strike gold each time they act out on the hunch of the fourth. Truly a Mad Three Party this! πŸ˜†

Alas, on one occasion the hunch fails! The dreamers’ DONna, (the Punjaban financier who stands to gain the most by pimping :shock:… oops…. pumping in money πŸ˜€ at the behest of the lazy lads) Richa Chaddha, sees red and chases the foursome, ready to tear off their chaddis πŸ˜› πŸ˜†

The movie has to end and so blasting the fukreys’ fucked-up brains like a foghorn is the profound realization that there can never be a shortcut to success πŸ™„ Yehi samjhaane ke liye Farhan Akhtar ne do ghante ka yeh ghanta film banaaya?!? 😯 Isse toh achcha I could have read an Aesop’s fable lasting all of five minutes…it would have been considerably lighter on my pocket too! After all, GOING CHEAP is the way to go! πŸ˜‰

BELOW: Thailand mein jo Tuk Tuk kehlaya jaata hai, India mein ‘Fuk Fuk’ ban gaya! πŸ˜†

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From Talaash to Goulash

They first attributed the delay in release owing to similarities with Sujoy Ghosh’s masterpiece, Kahaani. Then they insinuated that its plot borrows heavily from ‘Anniyan’, a 2005 Tamil blockbuster and from the grim 2010 Di Caprio starrer ‘Shutter Island’.
And all this while Aamir and his team kept mum. After all, any publicity is good publicity, right?

I can safely certify that Talaash is nothing like any of the flicks cited above. If anything, it’s far more superlative in terms of performances.

Aamir gets into the skin of his character- a tormented soul trying to exorcise his demons by diving headlong into his work. Another stellar job, yet another feather in his cap.

Rani is a breath of clean, fresh air- a clean look, and a clean act, consolidating her position as the Queen of Bollywood.

Kareena is lethal- right from the provocative swaying of her hips to her killer histrionics.

Nawazuddin Siddiqui, the brash, unapologetic special agent in Kahaani does a complete U-Turn as a shady, limping pimp. And if the jury left it to me, he’d be the one getting all the accolades from amongst this bunch of supremely talented actors.

But alas! An actor is only as good as the script and while Talaash is majorly a slow-paced, brilliantly constructed film, its climax was an unappetizing goulash (mish-mash) of sorts.

Without giving the suspense away, I thought it was the desi version of an acclaimed Hollywood psychological thriller that gave us all goosebumps in the last millennium. And another supernatural/horror flick that the Bhatt camp has been milking dry for the last decade or so.

I was reminded of the great fear that consumed me prior to entering the Haunted House at Essel World…the cold sweat trickling down my back…the sudden rush of adrenaline…and I don’t even want to elaborate on how I felt when I was back out in the sunlight!

Talaash’s twist is that nonsensical, that infuriating and THAT big a letdown! It might have been better to share Kahaani’s climax and end on a sensible note than reshoot it in a panic on a half-baked idea!

And here’s what stumps me. A man with as strong a business acumen as AK would want to co-produce a flaccid Talaash!? Not 3 Idiots, not even Ghajini, but this!?

There’s a method to his madness, everyone close to him insists. Still on the talaash for that!!! πŸ˜†

BELOW: Nothing can describe angst and the general tone of the movie better than this still.

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In Search of Talaash


It’s amazing how many flicks B-Town churns out each year and how many of them are actually watch-worthy. 2012 started on aΒ  good note with Kahaani, then there was another sweet kahaani of Barfi and now, finally, the mother of all kahaanis, Talaash, is set for a grand holiday release.

Aamir Khan has NEVER EVER disappointed. Though I’ve followed his career only post Fanaa, he’s what they call the man with the Midas touch. I loooooooved Taare Zameen Par and I think his histrionics in it are second to none. 3 Idiots made me desperately want to join their clique as the 4th. Idiot!Β  πŸ˜€ And now, my search for a bloody good Bollywood flick ends with Talaash.

The trailers have an air of mystery to them.Β  I have a feeling that Rani and Aamir are married and that something bad, really bad,Β  has happened to their adorable boy. How the mustachioed Aamir avenges his son’s death is whatΒ  forms the crux of Talaash.

But it may not be all that straightforward, a la Ghajini. For starters, Aamir wouldn’t pick a similar role twice in his career. Secondly, this is an Excel Entertainment release- one that has doled outΒ  Karthik calling Karthik where, well, the title was all too telling! Rumor has it that Talaash: The Answer Lies Within shares a lot in common with Kahaani, hence the delays in release. If so, I wouldn’t be surprised if Inspector Shekhawat has something brewing in his head and all the answers lie within that internal universe of his, as the tagline of the movie goes!

Jee Le Zara, with Vishal’s grainy voice, is my favorite …..such a haunting track and Rani’s expressions in it are to die for! Her true-to-life portrayal of a middle-class housewife who’s lost every reason to live with the loss of her son is simply A+++++++++.Β Her raccoon eyes that see everything, yet register nothing, the torment engulfing her soul, the painful gulping of emotions threatening to choke her…WOW!

The awkward silence between Aamir and her seems to be accusing them both for the tragedy they’re forced to come to terms with.Β  Only and only Rani could slip under the skin of Mrs. Shekhawat with such effortlessness! I wouldn’t be surprised if her restrained performance eclipses those of Aamir’s and Kareena’s.

My talaash for exciting cinema ends on Nov. 30th. Does yours?

Image Courtesy: www.cinebasti.comImage Courtesy: www.cinebasti.com