Adult (e) Rated Romance!

It’s a good thing Bhaag Milkha Bhaag hit the screens when it did. Had its release clashed with that of Shuddh Desi Romance, we’d be scratching our heads as to which legend to be in awe of. Milkha Singh or milKISSing! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Bolting from his own shaadi ka mandap, Sushant Singh Rajput as Raghu is quite the Flying Sikh. But a flying kiss (to the hired baraati he’s lusting for) is something the Emraan Hashmi clone will simply not settle for. ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† Performing a tonsillectomy on her is more his style. ๐Ÿ˜› What follows are a load of chikni chupdi baatein aur kaafi saari suhaani suhaag raatein! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Raghu sung Gayatri (named rather aptly for she’s currently on Guy3 :lol:) begin living in (each other). Literally! ๐Ÿ˜›

Heck knows why the commitment-phobics decide to stamp their dubious relationship of din mein bhaiyya, raat ko saiyyan ๐Ÿ˜† with society’s seal of approval.

Wedding bells ring and jittery pre-wedding balls shrink! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† This time though, Gayatri pulls off a Runaway Bride on Raghu, inadvertently giving him a taste of his own medicine.

An aborted wedding once again is mind-bogglingly followed by a tantalizing suhaag raat, this time with Tara! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ I was sure Vaani had something up her sleeve and would prove herself to be a Shaani ๐Ÿ˜† by cleverly avenging the humiliation he caused her. Instead, she bowled us all a googly. Should I be saying Tara kya maara?

In a nutshell, I thought SDR is an extremely confusing coming-of-age film with equally confused protagonists. It’s a little hard to digest that people who are absolutely certain in their heads that the time-tested formula of marriage ain’t their cup of tea are actually shown to be hankering after the same damned institution, if only to propel the story forward.

I thought the film would be as tantalizing to the senses as Shuddh Desi Ghee. Who knew I was signing up for Shuddh Desi Khichdi? ๐Ÿ˜‰

BELOW: This film should have been titled ‘Besharam’!!!

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Ab Tak Hai Yawn!

I loooove freebies! Who doesn’t??!! Ek pe ek free…ho hum! Ek pe do free….hmmm I’m listening! Ek pe teen free…alright, bring it on!!! Ek pe chaar free…..ooooh, orgasmic! ๐Ÿ˜‰

JTHJ gives you 5 for the price of 1! A mish mash of several SRK greats- DDLJ, Fauji, Dil Se, Chak De and a generous dollop of Ghajini! Plus a liplock from the otherwise “celibate main leads” thrown in for good measure!

Certainly the last SRK- Yash Chopra collaboration, I had high expectations from the undisputed Kings of Romance,ย positioned in front of the camera, and behind.ย  They were good, like in all their previous ventures. Just not brilliant!

JTHJ showed me everything I’ve seen before, albeit done with greater finesse.

Samar Anand was a more haggard version of the Raj’s and Rahul’s we’ve seen in the past. Understandably so. But when one does all that he did two decades ago, I would say ‘Dude, move on!’

Akira was akin to our desi Shakira :D, jiggling and wiggling her lithe body dangerously. And if you thought she was loud in BBB, just wait till you watch her put even those deafening bombs to shame in JTHJ! ๐Ÿ˜€

And then, moving on to the poor little rich girl, whom all us envious girls love to hate. A pretty dumb bimbo- you can add a comma to the sentence if you like, and it’d still read the same! ๐Ÿ˜€

It’s embarrassing to watch Kat in the same frame as seasoned pros like a SRK or an Amitabh or even an Aamir. And no, it ain’t because of her clothes! ๐Ÿ˜‰

KATS look best with someone from their own family- the TIGER!!! Now we all know that animals can’t act. They can only entertain and there’s a separate genre of mindless cinema conceived with them in mind. Sorry, I’m not BEING HUMAN now! ๐Ÿ˜€

But you now know where I’m heading- take all the Dabanggs & Mere Brother Ki Dulhans. But leave the Barfis, Rajneetis, Kahaanisย & Talaashs to the experts.

Speaking of seasoned and mature, they say the older the wine, the headier it is. YRF served me old wine in a new bottle for Diwali. The hangover never came, and the yawns just won’t go! Would this continue till Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan! Scary thought, that!

BELOW: The ‘impotent’ wine that did nothing for me!

Ton of Sardar(d)!

Wow! It’s been ages since a much-hyped Bolly flick with an A-list star cast made me scramble for my migraine pills! SOS isย THAT bad!!!

Everything about this movie is sooooo pointless! Right from Ajay falling at Akshay Kumarโ€™s feet for the title of the film to his unconvincing Sikh getup. I wonโ€™t even elaborate on Sonakshi’s stale look and wholesale hamming. And, not to forget, everything from the ridiculous family feud tearing up the lovers to Sanju Baba who looks like a bheegi billi…. Oops, Billu, ๐Ÿ™‚ย in this moronic saga after scaring the sโ€ขโ€ขโ€ข outta us as Kancha ๐Ÿ˜‰

Even the notice slapped on YRF for hogging single screens across the countryย seems like such a futile exercise, now that we know that SOS isย nothing more than a big, fat Diwali dud! Some put it down to pure bad karma, what with ADF losing the industry’s goodwill and all!

What was Ajay Devgn thinking,ย fighting toothย and nail,ย for more runs of SOS??? Make the whole nation rub its temples furiously instead of visiting our fabulously lit-up temples? ๐Ÿ˜›

Devgn should learn to stick to plain acting. Producing and direction aren’t his forte. Every movie he’s been associated with, in capacities other than acting, right from Raju Chacha in the last millennium ๐Ÿ˜€ to SOS, have been certified flops! When will he learn? Kadhi shiknaar re tu??? Satakli re, satakli! Aata maajhi satakli! ๐Ÿ˜€

Sorry yaar, Diwaali bekaar with Son of Sardar!

Sonu, hand that hot water bag to me, pleej ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ajab Gazabb Love

Which is the one song that was MADE FOR Vashu and Jackkky Bhagnani????

Guess, guess…

???

??????

Bolo, bolo…tell, tell ๐Ÿ˜‰

???????

?????????

?????

OK, never mind. These two don’t deserve that much time and effort anyway ๐Ÿ˜‰ BTW, here’s that song.

So anyway, I was watching the promos of Ajab Gazabb Love and was thinking that the title of the movie describes Vashu’s love for his son to the T. He truly is THE BEST DADDY EVER!

There’s not the tiniest pebble that he’s left unturned to ensure that his son breaks into the big league. The swankiest wheels, the drool-worthiest eye candy, the most opulent of sets, the chicest costumes, the glossiest production values, the most expensive promotional campaigns, all the bells and whistles imaginable!

Wowww! Jackkyyy was born with a golden spoon in his mouth- not just any ordinary golden spoon, though! In keeping with tradition, Papa Vashu must have gotten it encrusted with diamonds and God knows what else! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, Jackky’s REAAALLLLYYYY lucky to have Vashu as his father and even luckier to have a producer dad. On second thoughts, this didn’t sound quite right, did it? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Who in his right mind would blow up his hard-earned money on an actor who can emote slightly better than the couch in your living room? Which sane person would make movies knowing at the back of his mind that they’re destined to go BOOM BOOM BOOM? ;)No one else, I think, except Aditya Chopra! ๐Ÿ˜‰ More on this bade bhayya’s pyaar later ๐Ÿ˜‰

Just one thing that I have to say to Junior Bhagnani. “Jackky Bete, naam mein ‘k’s’ add karne se kaam nahi banta. Sabse bada K- ‘Kismat’, jab saath deti hai, tohi baat banti hai!” Waah, waah! Waah, waah! ๐Ÿ˜‰