Of Chiknas and Chamelis

Usually, any moment is a good photo-op moment what with ย our stars always perfectly groomed. Unlike the days of yore, when fashion disasters were as likely as getting pigeon poop on your head, the current breed of stars seem to be a wisened lot.

So,while they twinkle brightly even in the dead of night donning glamorous labels and flaunting perfect coiffures, there’s only but once when they shone blazingly, looking like a million bucks. Here’s when:

  1. Ranbir in Badtameez Dil

It took him 6 looooooong years to metamorphose from the sissyish clone of his mother that he used to be to THIS! I can’t put my finger on what makes him look so bloody badtameez here! ๐Ÿ˜˜ Is it his ruffled,shorter crop or the badass ring in his ear or his crisply tailored suit….I could go on and on…sigh!

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2. Can’t really leave his exes behind now, can I? ๐Ÿ˜ Deepika in Lungi Dance.

Dippy always makes our tribe feel like we ought to crawl under a rock. But looking the way she did here, we almost smashed that rock on our heads!

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3. Katrina in Everything! ๐Ÿ˜‚ But she looks especially ghazab in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahaani.

Kat looks PHAT in EVERYTHING ๐Ÿ˜‚…never mind the botox jabs and all! Pre-2010, there used to some meat on her bones and her face boasted of an angelic quality that the hypodermic pricklies took away. Have a look at her ethereal beauty.

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4. Hrithik in Tu Meri

The Adonis of Hindi Cinema can’t be faulted for his look in his entire repertoire of films, but it took a Bang Bang! for him to get his look Bang-On in my sight! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜

A huuuuuge fan of Simon Baker, I’ve likened Hrithik’s avatarย to the Mentalist himself ….if that ain’t a compliment, I don’t know what is! ๐Ÿ˜Œ

 

5. Preity Zinta in Dil Se…

Chubby cheeks, dimpled chin,

Rosy lips, Teeth Within,

Wavy hair, very fair

Eyes are true, lovely two

Preity Zinta is that you?

YES YES YES!!! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Bollywood’s original dimpled-beauty has looked her best only at 2 times ..the first when she was a novice and the next when she was at the top of her game in Kal Ho Naa Ho and Salaam Namaste! Agree?

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6. SRK in Dear Zindagi

Like fine wine, the man’s gotten better with age๐Ÿ˜˜…the histrionics, the stutter, and the sexy stubble too! ๐Ÿ˜œ KHAN the King get better than this?! ๐Ÿ˜

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7. Aishwarya in Dil Dooba

Ash is a visual feast in every film she’s appeared. But that one look she totally rocked was that of a Latina with smouldering eyes, luscious curls and a scorching scarlet gown. Check it out

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White Tarts, Black Hearts!

At the risk of getting thrashed by half of who constitute the fairer sex, I truly believe that the fairest of them all are also the scariest of them all! ๐Ÿ˜€

Fair-skinned women seem to abound in my universe. I’ve come across so many in school and college, at work, and hell, even in the family! All of who are not just vain but also major pains!

The dreaded white-washed species has infiltrated my mecca as well where one tagline fits all:

Doodh malai sa gora tan, gobar sandaas jaise kaala mann! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Letโ€™s have a look at the vain pusses of B-town then, shall we?

1. Vying for the top honor is Mangalore’s pride and joy, the one and only…..

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Arsewhoreya Rai ๐Ÿ˜† And you thought I was going to rant about another Mangalorean bhoot(n)i? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, to break up with the boyfriend who tried to defend your modesty is one thing. To break the news of your break up with him in the papers ๐Ÿ˜ฏ is truly outta Miss World…oops…this world! ๐Ÿ˜†

I actually thought Vivek Oberoi would require an eye transplant. I’m sure they fell off just reading that morning’s newspaper! I don’t think he’d be wanting that catty pair of green eyes that has been pledged though! ๐Ÿ˜›

Bhootni Ke ya toh phir Bhootni Gay! Kya farak padhta hai? ;-)

Bhootni Ke ya toh phir Bhootni Gay! Kya farak padhta hai? ๐Ÿ˜‰

2. Next in line is the F@#* F@#* Girl. The one who made Dutt feel like a mutt! ๐Ÿ˜† She fired his imagination by posing a question as innocent as choli ke peeche kya hai? Sanju Baba must have fired her brains out when he shot back with a question of his own. Goli ke peeche kya hai? ๐Ÿ˜† Or rather, kaun hai? ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Anyway, she waved a resolute TATA before even the courts could slap him with TADA ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Marathi mulgi then wafted off to LA LA LAnd to sing ‘Nene karte, Nene karte pyar tumhi se kar baithe!’ ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

And it's supposed to be okay if you do it?

And it’s supposed to be okay if you do it?

3. Zee Cinema recently aired a classic from the 90s and it was then that I discovered that the effeminate Harish wasnโ€™t the female lead of the film as Iโ€™d thought all along! ๐Ÿ˜€

I imagine most of you remember Lolo’s debut film ‘Prem Qaidi’ where she looked more like the spokesperson of the Al Qaida! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

That ghastly! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Replete with the bushy brows, muchchi mouth et al. ๐Ÿ˜† I remember wondering if they’d deliberately knocked off an ‘N’ from the end of her name which otherwise should have read ‘KarisMAN‘! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Anyway, our fair maiden found Kaalia the Crow slightly more appealing than one of her heroes! ๐Ÿ˜† She resisted Devgn’s advances and he backed off. That was when inane cinema ruled the roost! Then Devgn must have downed one too many a glass of Boost! ๐Ÿ˜† Every film he starred in turned to gold.

Overnight, the kauwa became Mr. Lova Lova ๐Ÿ˜† Lolo, hum itne bhi lolia nahi hain! ๐Ÿ˜†

But by then, thankfully, it was too late! The kaalia, so utterly depressed at being rebuffed, must have gone hunting for someone just as black and lo! He stumbled across…well, no prizes for guessing….. Kajol! ๐Ÿ˜†

And this is how it happened for real!

And this is how it happened for real!

4. If the LOL-worthy sister features on my hit list, how can her obnoxious sister be left out? The Bum of Pataudi ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† has on many occasions tried to undermine her co-stars as if she were the ultimate talent ki pudiya! ๐Ÿ™„ More like a dumb-blonde gudiya! Remember Tashan? ๐Ÿ˜†

The Nordic Goddess once called Bipasha a ‘kaali billi’, dismissed John Abraham as being ‘wooden’, has taken pangas with the Big B, forced an ex-lover to become ‘shahid’ literally! And it certainly hasn’t ended there! No wonder with a mouth and a mind as putrid as hers, her KAREER is KAREENING- downwards! ๐Ÿ˜†

Karma?

Karma?

Dumb and Number!

Chhota B(heem) reportedly celebrated Diwali with added gusto this year. Bada bhoj jo chaati se utar gaya hai! Firstly, the world is finally convinced that Beti B is no clone of a certain Vivek Oberoi neither does she have โ€˜TIGERโ€™ish features ๐Ÿ˜€

Secondly, joh hamesha Bol Bachchan kehlata tha with no substantial work to his repertoire, is suddenly in the news thanks to a crackling performance in, well, no prizes for guessingโ€ฆBOL BACHCHAN!

So, our Gol Bachchan gifted a chhota Cooper to Beti B for Diwali! Not a tricycle, not a ride-on….directly a Mini Cooper!!! That’s the difference between us ordinary mortals and the Bachchans!

Anyway, a few Aryabhatts even noted that Miss Kaifโ€™s black Audi and the newest baby in the Bachchan stable (not Aaradhya) share the same numbers on their license plates โ€ฆ.hence, they must be consulting the same astrologist.

2882โ€ฆ.Innocent looking numbers, right? Then, the dormant Aryabhatt in me woke up, and guess what! 2882โ€ฆ.does this sequence mean anything?

Think, Thinkโ€ฆ

Bolo Boloโ€ฆTell Tellโ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜‰

Iโ€™m all ears โ€ฆ.

Awaiting patiently (stifling yawn)โ€ฆ

O, damn you! ๐Ÿ˜‰

28th. September is the day a certain Mr. Kapoor was born in the year โ€˜82!!!

Ainโ€™t KAT one shrewd cat after all! Certainly not as innocent as she looks when she bats those mascaraed lashes at us.

KAT ka motivation main samajh sakti hoon, still scratching my pretty head as to why Babyshekโ€™s hankering after the same numeralsโ€ฆ.unlessโ€ฆ.
UNLESS….

Someoneโ€™s hoping for a Dostana 3 to happen with Ranbir playing one of the 3 happy and GAY stooges ๐Ÿ˜€

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