Saw Shit, Khan!

Dear SaSHIT Khan, 😀

I Saw SHIT the other day 😆 and I’m PISSed! 😀 And no, it wasn’t a good Friday though it was! I wasn’t even close to thanking the Gods it was Friday!!! 🙄

After braving Himmatwala, I’m convinced you belong to the clan of non-competent directors. (READ Farah Con and Sheesh Bundar :lol:) That you hail from the same retarded family only adds more credence to my statement!

I won’t delve on the plot 😯 (any review normally demands this!!!) It requires real himmat to recap details of THE masterpiece of 2013!

Coming over to my thoughts on the film.

1. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the biggest bum of them all? Mirror: Obviously yaar, SaSHIT Khan! 😆 Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the biggest bum of them all? Mirror: Satakli re satakli, aata maajhi satakli… 😆 Again, Sajid!! 😀

Now you know who deserves the bum pe laat! But why Bum Pe Laat??? Did Gaand Pe Laat sound less sophisticated than the rest of your crapfest? 🙄

2. BAAGH-BAN: The ‘Save The Tiger’ campaign was conceived only because morons like your sister and yourself consistently use and repeatedly abuse the mighty beast in each of your highly forgettable flicks. You can be sure after watching the chronicles of the ‘Life of Ti’ in your flick 😀 Ang Lee’s gonna be very Ang ry! 😆

3. Why Himmatwala, you Dim-Mat(i)-wala? The 80s represent a terrible phase of Hindi cinema and Himmatwala-I is the most cringe-worthy film of that era. To put things in perspective, it’s like somebody remaking Aiyya 20 years hence!!! 😯

4. AJ=PJ!!!: It’s bad enough you’ve reduced my favorite hero to a distasteful PJ! 😀 What’s even worse is that you’ve timed the release of this mahadud on the eve of your hero’s happy budday.

Sajid (on the way to Ajay’s party): ‘Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa, laaya, laaya, laaya’…
Sajid (on his way back): ‘Laafa, laafa, laafa, paaya paaya, paaya’ :lol 😆 😆

Himmatwala makes Housefull2 look like an Oscar-winner! You get the idea, right? With all your might, resist the urge to watch this one!!!

BELOW: Oh, what’s the point in playing the blame game now? 🙄

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Dumb and Number!

Chhota B(heem) reportedly celebrated Diwali with added gusto this year. Bada bhoj jo chaati se utar gaya hai! Firstly, the world is finally convinced that Beti B is no clone of a certain Vivek Oberoi neither does she have ‘TIGER’ish features 😀

Secondly, joh hamesha Bol Bachchan kehlata tha with no substantial work to his repertoire, is suddenly in the news thanks to a crackling performance in, well, no prizes for guessing…BOL BACHCHAN!

So, our Gol Bachchan gifted a chhota Cooper to Beti B for Diwali! Not a tricycle, not a ride-on….directly a Mini Cooper!!! That’s the difference between us ordinary mortals and the Bachchans!

Anyway, a few Aryabhatts even noted that Miss Kaif’s black Audi and the newest baby in the Bachchan stable (not Aaradhya) share the same numbers on their license plates ….hence, they must be consulting the same astrologist.

2882….Innocent looking numbers, right? Then, the dormant Aryabhatt in me woke up, and guess what! 2882….does this sequence mean anything?

Think, Think…

Bolo Bolo…Tell Tell… 😉

I’m all ears ….

Awaiting patiently (stifling yawn)…

O, damn you! 😉

28th. September is the day a certain Mr. Kapoor was born in the year ‘82!!!

Ain’t KAT one shrewd cat after all! Certainly not as innocent as she looks when she bats those mascaraed lashes at us.

KAT ka motivation main samajh sakti hoon, still scratching my pretty head as to why Babyshek’s hankering after the same numerals….unless….
UNLESS….

Someone’s hoping for a Dostana 3 to happen with Ranbir playing one of the 3 happy and GAY stooges 😀

Below: The Cut-Copy-Paste- Numberplates

Ton of Sardar(d)!

Wow! It’s been ages since a much-hyped Bolly flick with an A-list star cast made me scramble for my migraine pills! SOS is THAT bad!!!

Everything about this movie is sooooo pointless! Right from Ajay falling at Akshay Kumar’s feet for the title of the film to his unconvincing Sikh getup. I won’t even elaborate on Sonakshi’s stale look and wholesale hamming. And, not to forget, everything from the ridiculous family feud tearing up the lovers to Sanju Baba who looks like a bheegi billi…. Oops, Billu, 🙂 in this moronic saga after scaring the s••• outta us as Kancha 😉

Even the notice slapped on YRF for hogging single screens across the country seems like such a futile exercise, now that we know that SOS is nothing more than a big, fat Diwali dud! Some put it down to pure bad karma, what with ADF losing the industry’s goodwill and all!

What was Ajay Devgn thinking, fighting tooth and nail, for more runs of SOS??? Make the whole nation rub its temples furiously instead of visiting our fabulously lit-up temples? 😛

Devgn should learn to stick to plain acting. Producing and direction aren’t his forte. Every movie he’s been associated with, in capacities other than acting, right from Raju Chacha in the last millennium 😀 to SOS, have been certified flops! When will he learn? Kadhi shiknaar re tu??? Satakli re, satakli! Aata maajhi satakli! 😀

Sorry yaar, Diwaali bekaar with Son of Sardar!

Sonu, hand that hot water bag to me, pleej 😉

What goes up must come down!

So, the entire nation was celebrating Big B’s 70th. Birthday in a BIGGGGG way. Chhota B(heem) 🙂 came on air and said something about being very humbled that 70 artists from all over the country joined hands to exhibit a painting each on his illustrious father and I remember thinking, ‘Poor you! You won’t be enjoying this privilege for sure!’ 🙂

I sometimes wonder whether the invincible Big B finds a lump forming in his throat because his son doesn’t receive the same amount of adulation as he still does. I mean, doesn’t every parent wish for bigger and better things to happen to their child?

My father caught me looking pensive and asked what was bothering me. When I told him that Baby’s success would probably be the biggest gift for AB, he said, “That’s life! It’s like a giantwheel. People who are at the top can’t stay put there forever. And those at the bottom can’t always remain there.

So true, na? There’s Jeetendra, a yesteryear superstar, who must be lamenting why Tusshar’s career hasn’t really taken off. This was the heir who was supposed to eclipse his success, wasn’t he? The progeny of Smita Patil and Raj Babbar turned out to be but a one-film wonder.

At the other end of the spectrum are Babita and Randhir. Absolute duds in their era but whose blue-eyed girls have achieved much more than perhaps any male scion of the Kapoor family has (barring Ranbir, of course!) 😉

Rakesh Roshan might have been a miserable failure at the BO, but life wasn’t so cruel! The Gods gifted him an Adonis lookalike, complete with a full head of gorgeous hair and all, unlike him! 😉 As if that wasn’t enough, his son could act, sing, dance, jump, fly and has been doing this for the last 12 years and counting!

Nothing needs to be said about Kajol whose mother didn’t taste half the success that she has! And then, there’s Kajol’s husband Ajay Devgn, who shines in every genre, unlike his father, who was forced to shed his ambition of becoming a hero and was restricted to being a mere stunt double.

If success truly skips a generation,  makes you wonder na what course would Aryan and Suhana’s lives chart? Would Vivek Oberoi’s kids be the next biggest thing to have happened to Bollywood twenty years hence?

Only time will tell!