BARshitty

The Nightingale of India is totally PISSED! She’s downed one too many of them Kingfishers!!! πŸ˜€ What else would you expect when she’s a permanent fixture on the walls of some shady Goan bar?!? πŸ˜†

Welcome to director Mohit Suri’s tipsy universe! One where legends like Mangesh-KAR must adorn a BAR 😯 and Sunny Leone probably is spouting bhajans at Bhagwaan ke DWAAR! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

As you can gauge, the BAR and DAAR(u) are pivotal to the story of A2. Our hero bottles his myriad emotions 😦 After emptying them bottles, of course! πŸ˜› Alcoholics Anonymous’ worst nightmare come true, here’s how:

1. When he’s merry, he reaches out for that glass (or two) of Sherry.
2. When he’s angry, he reaches out for that bottle (or two) of Sangri(a).
3. When in pain, bring out the champagne!
4. The non-controversial wine takes centre-stage when all is fine.
5. Feni has been reserved for times when things get a little whiny.
6. The Breezer thaws him when he turns all sarci and frosty like a Freezer.
7. When he’s all lively and frisky, he must go and spoil it all by unleashing that potent whisky.

Truly the King…er…SING(er) of GOOD TIMES! πŸ˜‰

Rahul, the quintessential owl, parades like a ghoul, πŸ˜€ and on one such nocturnal outing, discovers his protΓ©gΓ©e, belting his hits one after another, so so so mellifluously, she makes him sound like Altaf Raja! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

He takes her under his wing and the lovebirds happily sing.

One moment he’s on top and she’s down (dirty minds, Gulshan Grover ishtyle!) πŸ˜›

In the next, she’s the talk of the town and he’s the clown!

Mr. Suri reportedly is a big fan of Titanic and says he’s made a poignant love story πŸ™„ with Rahul as the Desi Jack and Shraddha as the Bharatiya Rose πŸ˜€

Well, Rahul ended up more like JACK DANIELS while Shraddha seemed best suited to endorse Yardley ROSE!!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

I was reminiscing about A2’s predecessor. Here’s how they look when pitted against each other:

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So this is Aashiqui 2 for you. How love surpasses everything- bloated egos, bloated livers πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† and must ultimately triumph. YAWN! Watch it only for the beudah who pitches in a sincere effort πŸ˜€ Cheers to that! πŸ˜‰

BELOW: Dude, where’s the Chlormint? πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

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Kaay Ho Chhe!

Here’s the weekly roundup of all things Bollywood forcing the couch-potato that I am to emerge from the depths of my cozy sofa and take serious notice. A few will receive bouquets, the rest bukkes πŸ˜† Read on and enjoy maadi.

1] inspirASHAn: The Film Industry has completed a landmark 100 years and this amaaaaaaaaaazing woman has spent 70 of her 80 years being an integral part of it. I’m talking about the ‘evergreen woman’, Dev Anand’s female version if you like :lol:- the invincible Asha Bhosle!

A woman who adapts to the changing times, thus rendering herself relevant for close to a century, she’s who I call the ‘desi Madonna’ albeit the one who likes keeping her clothes on πŸ˜† She’s a huuuuuge inspirASHAn for all those down in the dumps and who like wallowing in self-pity. By george, she’s jammed even with Boy George!!! πŸ˜† And even though her husband was long dead, she bounced back from her sorrow with some help from Code Red! πŸ˜€

Lately, her daughter’s death was the reason for her grief but even the span of this period of mourning has been brief. Last heard, she sashayed down the ramp as showstopper for Manish Malhotra! 😯 Woohooooo! Way to go tai!

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2] I ❀ New York: Who doesn’t? But what I abhor seeing is this new dork! πŸ˜† Sunny, you’re no Johnny to titillate us with your chaddis πŸ˜† or anything like your namesake Sunny (Leone) πŸ˜›

You look ridiculous trying to play the part of a lovelorn puppy. Tussi puppy nahi, Paa(pa)ji ho πŸ˜† and you don’t have to step back in circa 1999, doing all that you did in Sill(y)lagi…oops Dillagi πŸ˜† Come to think of it, he looked like a cradle-snatcher twenty years ago too! πŸ˜€

Handpump tak toh theek tha, aur kuch mat ukhaadna! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

Seems like Kangana RanOATH likes me muttering those distasteful oaths πŸ˜† Psycho chick avatar was wayyyyy better, at least that I did not as much loathe! πŸ˜‰

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3] ‘SIGH’ Paranjpye: I feel for the woman. I really do! I can’t help but SIGH! πŸ˜€ The woman’s hopping mad that a director of David Dhawan’s calibre (and this I don’t mean in a good way!) had the audacity and gumption to remake her classic. Known for inventing the highly infamous and extremely loud ‘Govinda color scheme’, make sure you carry your kaale CHASHME to the theatre πŸ˜† and don’t forget to spout those BADDOO(aas) πŸ˜†

BELOW: Aise hi, audience ke liye dhoondthe reh jaaoge! We still prefer our ‘Chamko’! πŸ˜›

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