The Long and Short of it…

“Bite your tongue before you speak,” my mother would always say. The only boneless muscle in the body, you can count on it to slip and make others flip ๐Ÿ˜€

Apni BONG has quite a looooooong TONGue ๐Ÿ˜› Apparently Bips had a problem with Mr. Amaron Kissme’s overactive lips ๐Ÿ˜† Citing irreconcilable height differences, Basu was the reason for his aasu ๐Ÿ˜† Back then, she was basking in the warmth of the beedis she’d jalaoed and preoccupied doing racy stuff with Saif. It was also a time when Once Upon A Time in Mumbai, The Dirty Picture, and Shanghai had yet to see the light of day.

Back-to-back hits in two consecutive years catapulted the underdog into the big league. Overnight, every A-list actress worth her salt had a profound change of heart and shed all her inhibitions about onscreen exhibitionism in her desperation to be his arm candy.

Times had changed, the tables had turned and Miss Basu began feeling like Miss bASSu ๐Ÿ˜€ Not wanting to give her a taste of her own medicine, the ever-gracious Hashmi let bygones be bygones and gave her career a new lease of life with Raaz 3.

I liked the way he tackled a question probing how he felt being paired with saleable actresses finally. Here’s his kick-ass reply:

Actresses have their reasons. Probably they felt that I couldnโ€™t clock in the numbers at the box office that time. I think Bipasha had said that I was short for her…kind of a metaphor (laughing), but Iโ€™ve gotten taller (laughing louder) over the past couple of years. Now sheโ€™s okay with my height, so now sheโ€™s okay to work with me. (big smile)

What has helped you gain that height?
Box office! Itโ€™s always the box office, itโ€™s always the numbers your film opens up to.

Looks like splitting up with a Greek-God kinda BF has opened Bips’ eyes to the other regular-looking, supremely talented guys who inhabit our planet. Last heard, she’s pairing with someone as ordinary-looking as Nawazuddin Siddiqui ๐Ÿ˜ฏ for her next. But since he happens to be a powerhouse performer and a sureshot way of reviving her sinking career, Bips can have the last laugh… or quips, should we say! ๐Ÿ˜†

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Race 2 the Exit!

Poor Shakespeare got it all wrong when he trivialized the importance of a name.ย  After watching Race 2, I’m convinced a lot rides on it and if only Abbas-Mustan had to add two extra words, ‘THE EXIT’, to the title of their film, the world would have been a much sweeter place!

So, here’s another scathing review, something I seem to be getting good at with each passing Friday ๐Ÿ˜‰

  1. Ab Bas!: This whitewashed director-duo ๐Ÿ˜† who have a penchant for the greys clearly lost the plot after the last sensible movie they made 21 years ago! Abbas grabbed virtually every mm of space available in my bible (the BT) making pompous claims of Race 2 being THE film to rock 2013. Apophis couldn’t do it, Race 2 kya khaak karega? ๐Ÿ˜†
  2. Lace 2: Skin and Sex are the new substitutes for Substance in Bollywood. Plenty of cleavage and derriere, in ZOOM MODE, to keep things RACEy ๐Ÿ˜›
  3. Cherry on the Icing: That Ameesha, an Economics gold medalist ๐Ÿ˜ฏ has a cherry-seed-sized brain is something that I always suspected. But after reading her interview that it was tough to essay the part of the ditzy assistant, Cherry, begging for the clever robber Robert ๐Ÿ˜† to rob her of her virginity and pop her cherry ๐Ÿ˜† I think I’ll die laughing before I can complete this sentence…..hahahahhahahahahahhaha…Classic piece of casting! Couch and all! ๐Ÿ˜‰
  4. Laath nahi lagi?: Ummm…anyway…(regaining composure)…Moving over to the other Lolita- tacky Jackie ๐Ÿ˜› “Lat Lag Gayi” was to be her “Kiss Me, Touch Me”. Achcha hua laath nahi lagi for proving to us that you have two left feet ๐Ÿ™„
  5. Shake Your Bon Bon, Jon: After prancing about on Miami’s sun-kissed beach in a pair of barely-there yellow chaddies, how could a sedate cagefight be orgasmic? Jonny boy, what were you thinking when you said this is your ‘item number’ for your female fans?!?
  6. Moving over to another John. John McClane: I loooooooove John McClane! Like wine, he gets better with age ๐Ÿ˜‰ There was this one scene of him killing a copter with a maamuli-sa sedan in DH4. Back then, I thought it was one of the most contrived pieces of shit I’ve ever seen. Boy, was I wrong! The car in Race 2 kills a burning airplane and even sprouts a few parachutes out its sides to scare us with the prospect of another lame sequel ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
  7. East or West, India is the best?: If you’ve never visited Turkey, don’t bother! You can see it in its full glory for less than 500 bucks in Race 2 ๐Ÿ˜€ What’s ironic is that while our B-town directors are busy scouring every nook and corner on this planet to showcase a new destination in their next, Hollywood filmmakers are looking Eastwards for inspiration. Danny Boyle struck gold in the filthy bylanes of Dharavi. Apna Dharavi! Par ghar ki murghi daal baraabar, nahi?

Anil Kapoor (not sex-starved anymore, thank goodness! Hollywood needs to be credited in this regard :twisted:) said in a recent interview that Race 2 was pure, unadulterated fun. Sure! At our expense! No wonder they’re on such a high!

race-2-new-poster_13572782290

Steer clear of this one if you don’t want to be left feeling gobsmacked on such a joyous weekend.