Wa(a)r re Wa(a)r

“It’s different,” whines Jaaved Jaffery. This time however, it’s not about the Laal Saaauce. It’s about the Laal Maas 😆 Or rather the lack of it in the ‘Dal Gosht’ served to the members of the Pakistani squadron that he leads. The lentils expectedly wreak havoc in the stomachs of the carnivores and the men from Sindh can’t do much besides pass wind! 😆 😆 😆 Clearly no prospect for intelligence to be passed on in Far(t)gil 😆 😆 😆

Surely there’s nothing newsworthy about recurring episodes of flatulence 😀 Respective State Heads are terribly worried. They’ve recently learnt that everything is stinky gory 😛 …whoops…hunky dory 😆 at the LOC with officers from both sides engaging in friendly banter involving everything from Sunny Deol in Border to Sunny Leone in Murder! Or was it Jism? 😉

Speaking of Jism, Miss Hot Bod herself is deployed at the behest of an Indian Cabinet Minister to Far(t)gil to…GET THIS… to announce to the Men In Blue ki Harewalon ko war mein haraana hai!!! 😯 😯 😯 Wouldn’t it be easier to put in a call to the Army Chief? 🙄
Expectedly, Bharatiya faujiyon ka hawa becomes tight. Alright, they concede. Let’s bring on the fight!

Soha, who undoubtedly is the most ill-matched likeness of Barkha Dutt, is as ditzy around Captain Rana (Sharman Joshi) as Anushka is around Shahrukh in Jab Tak Hain Jaan. What’s wrong with these journo chicks? They seem more like porno chicks 😆

Rana is distracted with all the khayaali naach gaana, but he also has to do some major band bajaana. Still reeling from the 3 Idiots hangover, the cocky captain hatches an idea just as cocky. He releases…I SHIT YOU NOT!… cocks!!! into the Pakistani side of the fence! 😯 The murgas lure the meat-deprived enemy out aur hum kartein hain unko murda. How convenient! 🙄 Kukdoo koo to udan choo, wotsay? 😀 The Pakistani Army Chief (Manoj Pahwa) meanwhile is hooked to Angry Birds on his cellphone. Coincidence? 😉

The drama unfolding on screen drives home the point that war brings devastating losses to the countries and people fighting it. Instigating nations often end up reaping tremendous benefits from this dastardly act.

In the film, the goras urgently needed someone to fill up their bheek ka katoras. So America’s Bush becomes khush when we credit-loving Indians lap up his grand idea of procuring armaments from them at attractive EMIs 😆 The Chinese have left making Noodles to focus on making Newcle-ar bombs. Should we be saying War China Ka Chaal Hai! 😆 Needless to say, even the Sivasaki bombs we will burst in a few days hence fare much better in comparison to the duds the two warring factions are hurtling at each other 😀

To sum WCNY up, it’s a quirky attempt at Black Humor. True it’s production values aren’t opulent which might prove to be a bummer for many. But at least the story is not hackneyed and the humour is wicked. The leads are in their element and actually save the movie from falling flat on its face. This one’s going into my disc collection.

BELOW: Dal Chhod Na Yaar! Hahahahahahahahah