Of Chiknas and Chamelis

Usually, any moment is a good photo-op moment what with ย our stars always perfectly groomed. Unlike the days of yore, when fashion disasters were as likely as getting pigeon poop on your head, the current breed of stars seem to be a wisened lot.

So,while they twinkle brightly even in the dead of night donning glamorous labels and flaunting perfect coiffures, there’s only but once when they shone blazingly, looking like a million bucks. Here’s when:

  1. Ranbir in Badtameez Dil

It took him 6 looooooong years to metamorphose from the sissyish clone of his mother that he used to be to THIS! I can’t put my finger on what makes him look so bloody badtameez here! ๐Ÿ˜˜ Is it his ruffled,shorter crop or the badass ring in his ear or his crisply tailored suit….I could go on and on…sigh!

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2. Can’t really leave his exes behind now, can I? ๐Ÿ˜ Deepika in Lungi Dance.

Dippy always makes our tribe feel like we ought to crawl under a rock. But looking the way she did here, we almost smashed that rock on our heads!

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3. Katrina in Everything! ๐Ÿ˜‚ But she looks especially ghazab in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahaani.

Kat looks PHAT in EVERYTHING ๐Ÿ˜‚…never mind the botox jabs and all! Pre-2010, there used to some meat on her bones and her face boasted of an angelic quality that the hypodermic pricklies took away. Have a look at her ethereal beauty.

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4. Hrithik in Tu Meri

The Adonis of Hindi Cinema can’t be faulted for his look in his entire repertoire of films, but it took a Bang Bang! for him to get his look Bang-On in my sight! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜

A huuuuuge fan of Simon Baker, I’ve likened Hrithik’s avatarย to the Mentalist himself ….if that ain’t a compliment, I don’t know what is! ๐Ÿ˜Œ

 

5. Preity Zinta in Dil Se…

Chubby cheeks, dimpled chin,

Rosy lips, Teeth Within,

Wavy hair, very fair

Eyes are true, lovely two

Preity Zinta is that you?

YES YES YES!!! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Bollywood’s original dimpled-beauty has looked her best only at 2 times ..the first when she was a novice and the next when she was at the top of her game in Kal Ho Naa Ho and Salaam Namaste! Agree?

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6. SRK in Dear Zindagi

Like fine wine, the man’s gotten better with age๐Ÿ˜˜…the histrionics, the stutter, and the sexy stubble too! ๐Ÿ˜œ KHAN the King get better than this?! ๐Ÿ˜

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7. Aishwarya in Dil Dooba

Ash is a visual feast in every film she’s appeared. But that one look she totally rocked was that of a Latina with smouldering eyes, luscious curls and a scorching scarlet gown. Check it out

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Senile Express

Rahul. Naam to suna hi hoga.

At precisely that moment, someone’s audacious cellphone chose to break into profanity.

Ae ya bagga, dont yap okay
one bloody kaanpat you’ll get na you’ll see stars in the day man
your bloody grandfathers aulaas

๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Clearly, with an irreverent reply like that, King Khan’s thunder had been stolen! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

The audience in the theatre was undecided whether to laugh like jackasses at the sheer hilarity of the faux-pas or to chastise the cowering patron with a severe display of shocked outrageousness. Me…I’d slumped to the floor, rolling in mirth. That was the first time.

The second time, my brains dropped to the floor. Chennai Express had me floored. Oh no, I didn’t mean that in a good way! ๐Ÿ˜€ The blatant inanity of Rohit Shitty’s ๐Ÿ˜† latest derailed my mind. A mindless spoof on films SRK and Rohit Shetty have been associated with in the past, this caricaturish film is essentially a dig at their individual bodies of work.

So, check it out. There’s a senile 40-year-old Rahul who prefers to party instead of heading to Rameshwaram to float his grandfather’s asthi!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ In retrospect, he really should have gone to the land of feni and given us the worth of our ticket money! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Goa, after all, is Rohit Shetty’s forte.

But here is our man escorting a fully-clad village belle flanked on all sides by Raavanaa-type bails! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† The Southie hottie spouts an accent thicker than both her oiled plaits put together and multiplied by four! ๐Ÿ˜†

Punjabi munda turns into a roguish gunda. The sandook is temporarily forgotten for the bandook. Mr. Koyla (didn’t he act in a shitfest by the same name???) transforms into Mr. Koyta! ๐Ÿ˜† His koyta is indeed magical! ๐Ÿ˜› It uproots a moving vehicle in one go!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ I’ve been wielding the koyta for ages now and I can’t even manage to crack open a coconut without chipping the tiles on my kitchen floor ๐Ÿ˜€ So Sickle-ling! ๐Ÿ˜†

I must mention this one stomach-churning, gravity (and logic) defying fight sequence where SRK spits his gum on a frighteningly black, sweaty-faced, thug’s cheek. The impact of the collision sets him off like a rocket ๐Ÿ˜ฏ but not before the chewing gum, as if it sprouted wings, flies right back into SRK’s mouth!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

By jove, even RajiniCAN’t do something as outlandish as this!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† I’m sure the thug was trying to say ‘Wannakum’ and SRK misinterpreted it as ‘Wantyourgum’!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

SRK is supposed to battle Meenamma’s suitor named…now, get this! THONGBALL!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜†

There’s a lot of Tamil flying all over the place…more than even all the Bakaasura-type goons that SRK launches into outer space with his lethal stunts! ๐Ÿ˜€ The only good that can come out of watching CE is it will help a novice learn Tamil…without the aid of Rapidex!!! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

BELOW: Ready, Steady, (brains fall to the) FLOOR!!! ๐Ÿ˜†

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