Saw Shit, Khan!

Dear SaSHIT Khan, 😀

I Saw SHIT the other day 😆 and I’m PISSed! 😀 And no, it wasn’t a good Friday though it was! I wasn’t even close to thanking the Gods it was Friday!!! 🙄

After braving Himmatwala, I’m convinced you belong to the clan of non-competent directors. (READ Farah Con and Sheesh Bundar :lol:) That you hail from the same retarded family only adds more credence to my statement!

I won’t delve on the plot 😯 (any review normally demands this!!!) It requires real himmat to recap details of THE masterpiece of 2013!

Coming over to my thoughts on the film.

1. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the biggest bum of them all? Mirror: Obviously yaar, SaSHIT Khan! 😆 Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the biggest bum of them all? Mirror: Satakli re satakli, aata maajhi satakli… 😆 Again, Sajid!! 😀

Now you know who deserves the bum pe laat! But why Bum Pe Laat??? Did Gaand Pe Laat sound less sophisticated than the rest of your crapfest? 🙄

2. BAAGH-BAN: The ‘Save The Tiger’ campaign was conceived only because morons like your sister and yourself consistently use and repeatedly abuse the mighty beast in each of your highly forgettable flicks. You can be sure after watching the chronicles of the ‘Life of Ti’ in your flick 😀 Ang Lee’s gonna be very Ang ry! 😆

3. Why Himmatwala, you Dim-Mat(i)-wala? The 80s represent a terrible phase of Hindi cinema and Himmatwala-I is the most cringe-worthy film of that era. To put things in perspective, it’s like somebody remaking Aiyya 20 years hence!!! 😯

4. AJ=PJ!!!: It’s bad enough you’ve reduced my favorite hero to a distasteful PJ! 😀 What’s even worse is that you’ve timed the release of this mahadud on the eve of your hero’s happy budday.

Sajid (on the way to Ajay’s party): ‘Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa, laaya, laaya, laaya’…
Sajid (on his way back): ‘Laafa, laafa, laafa, paaya paaya, paaya’ :lol 😆 😆

Himmatwala makes Housefull2 look like an Oscar-winner! You get the idea, right? With all your might, resist the urge to watch this one!!!

BELOW: Oh, what’s the point in playing the blame game now? 🙄

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Clone Aunty Clone!

So, I was channel-flipping last evening and came to pause on Zee Cinema. Had I not, I’d never have stumbled onto one of the biggest cons in B-town history!

Ok, so getting to the point, there was a portly Rishi kAPPUr :lol:, doing his best to catch up to the sound of ghungrus and a white sari-clad figure who was actually ambling away 😀 in an eerie, foggy forest. Now I love such amateurish productions from the eighties. Ghoulish make-up, shoddy direction, OTT acting, loud music (pun intended!), laughable plots et al.

A tale of reincarnation, Rishi-I, a forest ranger by profession, loses his life and wife (well, Chanda was to become his bride soon) to a bunch of lustful goons. Rishi-II, a slick city-bred architect, lands up at the same place years later to take the story forward. So far so good. Nothing to rouse my suspicion that this is a seen there, borne that kind of a film 😆

Suddenly, a cavernous haveli comes into the frame and a massive ‘jhumar’ swings outta nowhere towards my unsuspecting face. Down, down, still lower and CRASH! The crystal monstrosity smothers and electrocutes the baddies.

At this point, I felt as befuddled as our protagonist. A powerful wave of deja vu rocked me. Where had I seen this ridiculous climax before? Where? Where? An ad break came and I was still scratching my head when the extremely catchy ‘Jumpin Japang Jumpak Jumpak’ cut through my thoughts.

And then I saw her! Farah CON! 😆 That totli auntyji who’d cut-copied the climax of a film no one was ever likely to watch and pasted it into her over-hyped OSO. While she has credited the much-watched and loved Madhumati for inspiring her, she hasn’t said a word about lifting entire scenes from Janam Janam, probably out of sharam sharam 😆

Clearly, she took her punchline a tad too seriously. “Sirf Dekhne Ka Nahi…Lift bhi karneka!” 😀

Heaven knows why Rishi Kapoor hasn’t let the cat out of the bag yet! Either he’s forgotten he acted in OSO’s predecessor- Janam Janam is that forgettable a film! 😆 Or he was too busy nervously chewing on his fingernails- Saawariya released the same day as OSO! 😛

Anyway, all’s well that ends well. Farah got what she deserved with Tees People, me included, lining up to Maarao Khan (her) when that dudfest Tees Maar Khan released! 😆

BELOW: Hai La! 😯 She hasn’t even spared iconic Mads here! 🙄

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