Dumb and Number!

Chhota B(heem) reportedly celebrated Diwali with added gusto this year. Bada bhoj jo chaati se utar gaya hai! Firstly, the world is finally convinced that Beti B is no clone of a certain Vivek Oberoi neither does she have ‘TIGER’ish features 😀

Secondly, joh hamesha Bol Bachchan kehlata tha with no substantial work to his repertoire, is suddenly in the news thanks to a crackling performance in, well, no prizes for guessing…BOL BACHCHAN!

So, our Gol Bachchan gifted a chhota Cooper to Beti B for Diwali! Not a tricycle, not a ride-on….directly a Mini Cooper!!! That’s the difference between us ordinary mortals and the Bachchans!

Anyway, a few Aryabhatts even noted that Miss Kaif’s black Audi and the newest baby in the Bachchan stable (not Aaradhya) share the same numbers on their license plates ….hence, they must be consulting the same astrologist.

2882….Innocent looking numbers, right? Then, the dormant Aryabhatt in me woke up, and guess what! 2882….does this sequence mean anything?

Think, Think…

Bolo Bolo…Tell Tell… 😉

I’m all ears ….

Awaiting patiently (stifling yawn)…

O, damn you! 😉

28th. September is the day a certain Mr. Kapoor was born in the year ‘82!!!

Ain’t KAT one shrewd cat after all! Certainly not as innocent as she looks when she bats those mascaraed lashes at us.

KAT ka motivation main samajh sakti hoon, still scratching my pretty head as to why Babyshek’s hankering after the same numerals….unless….
UNLESS….

Someone’s hoping for a Dostana 3 to happen with Ranbir playing one of the 3 happy and GAY stooges 😀

Below: The Cut-Copy-Paste- Numberplates

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This Diwali, let’s play GOLIS!

I have half a mind to shoot PC in the head. Or better still, CHOP that little PIGGY to pieces! 😀 Cuz this Diwali, I certainly can’t afford to play Holi…I can only barely manage to stutter, “Holy Shit!!!”

Being a huge fan of hers, hubby got me a Lumia 800 to illuminate my Diwali. So blinded were we by the sheer beauty of this baby (the phone, not PC), we didn’t really bother to delve on why Nokia’s slid to where it has today.

In two words, HUGE MISTAKE!

Known for its robust hardware, I thought my Nokia was invincible. They’ve come up with a weird design of concealing the charger/ USB slot under a really flimsy trap door, that can break at the slightest provocation. Horror of horrors, that’s exactly what happened to my sultry pink phone! Just when I berated her for losing her virginity (symbolism provided by my husband 🙂 ), she hit back with a vengeance. The charger wouldn’t fire her up again!

Relieved that I was still protected by the one-year warranty offered on the phone, I confidently strutted into the Nokia Care Centre and demanded that I be offered a new charger in exchange for the defective one and that the ‘booby trap door’ be replaced with a new one.

I wondered why the ‘CARE’ executive had that silly grin erupting at the corners of her mouth. Here are the unused Diwali bombs that she chose to drop on me:

  1. Please photocopy the original bill of purchase 3 times!” When asked if we could use the idle machine humming a leisurely tune in a forgotten corner of her office and that we would be glad to pay for the copies, she mumbled something about there being a paper shortage in the office! Anyway, tried to shrug off her callous attitude and did the needful a good three blocks away. Returned grumpy and sweaty, and then, the next bomb was hurled.
  2. Kindly provide me with the charger,” she said politely to mollify me. I obliged, and then,…no, I kid you not…she said “Please come back in two weeks to collect the replacement.” I was like, “What????!!!” “Are you like out of your mind? Does my phone remain ‘unilluminated’ (if there is such a word) for two weeks just because someone has to ride on a bullock cart to deliver the new accessory to you?” 😛 I just got a shrug.
  3. And then the killer bomb was unleashed. Taking a deep breath to stop myself from thundering further, I asked her to replace the annoying trap door on my phone. Was it my imagination or did I detect a greedy glint in her eyes? “Sure,” she exulted. “I have it in black though, which will stand out very well against your pinkie!!!! And Rs. 1200 please.” I opened my mouth to protest but not a sound came out. Taking advantage of my momentary speechlessness, she launched into the most absurd of explanations. “Madam, you have performed physical damage on your phone.” And a loud cackle followed from my husband who suddenly remembered the ‘virginity’ saga. 🙂 She continued as if there was no interruption , “And I would say, don’t touch your pinkie now. If we pull her door, she will be unprotected as the warranty stands void due to further physical damage.” (What, was my pinkie going to be raped or something???!!!

I left the ‘SCARE’ Centre but not before flashing her my pinkie, 😀 and my mind screaming “Always NO to a NOKIA!”

P.S. What were the designers thinking? That there’d be a million dollar heist if the door wasn’t fitted to the phone??!!

Ab Tak Hai Yawn!

I loooove freebies! Who doesn’t??!! Ek pe ek free…ho hum! Ek pe do free….hmmm I’m listening! Ek pe teen free…alright, bring it on!!! Ek pe chaar free…..ooooh, orgasmic! 😉

JTHJ gives you 5 for the price of 1! A mish mash of several SRK greats- DDLJ, Fauji, Dil Se, Chak De and a generous dollop of Ghajini! Plus a liplock from the otherwise “celibate main leads” thrown in for good measure!

Certainly the last SRK- Yash Chopra collaboration, I had high expectations from the undisputed Kings of Romance, positioned in front of the camera, and behind.  They were good, like in all their previous ventures. Just not brilliant!

JTHJ showed me everything I’ve seen before, albeit done with greater finesse.

Samar Anand was a more haggard version of the Raj’s and Rahul’s we’ve seen in the past. Understandably so. But when one does all that he did two decades ago, I would say ‘Dude, move on!’

Akira was akin to our desi Shakira :D, jiggling and wiggling her lithe body dangerously. And if you thought she was loud in BBB, just wait till you watch her put even those deafening bombs to shame in JTHJ! 😀

And then, moving on to the poor little rich girl, whom all us envious girls love to hate. A pretty dumb bimbo- you can add a comma to the sentence if you like, and it’d still read the same! 😀

It’s embarrassing to watch Kat in the same frame as seasoned pros like a SRK or an Amitabh or even an Aamir. And no, it ain’t because of her clothes! 😉

KATS look best with someone from their own family- the TIGER!!! Now we all know that animals can’t act. They can only entertain and there’s a separate genre of mindless cinema conceived with them in mind. Sorry, I’m not BEING HUMAN now! 😀

But you now know where I’m heading- take all the Dabanggs & Mere Brother Ki Dulhans. But leave the Barfis, Rajneetis, Kahaanis & Talaashs to the experts.

Speaking of seasoned and mature, they say the older the wine, the headier it is. YRF served me old wine in a new bottle for Diwali. The hangover never came, and the yawns just won’t go! Would this continue till Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan! Scary thought, that!

BELOW: The ‘impotent’ wine that did nothing for me!