White Tarts, Black Hearts!

At the risk of getting thrashed by half of who constitute the fairer sex, I truly believe that the fairest of them all are also the scariest of them all! ๐Ÿ˜€

Fair-skinned women seem to abound in my universe. I’ve come across so many in school and college, at work, and hell, even in the family! All of who are not just vain but also major pains!

The dreaded white-washed species has infiltrated my mecca as well where one tagline fits all:

Doodh malai sa gora tan, gobar sandaas jaise kaala mann! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Letโ€™s have a look at the vain pusses of B-town then, shall we?

1. Vying for the top honor is Mangalore’s pride and joy, the one and only…..

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Arsewhoreya Rai ๐Ÿ˜† And you thought I was going to rant about another Mangalorean bhoot(n)i? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, to break up with the boyfriend who tried to defend your modesty is one thing. To break the news of your break up with him in the papers ๐Ÿ˜ฏ is truly outta Miss World…oops…this world! ๐Ÿ˜†

I actually thought Vivek Oberoi would require an eye transplant. I’m sure they fell off just reading that morning’s newspaper! I don’t think he’d be wanting that catty pair of green eyes that has been pledged though! ๐Ÿ˜›

Bhootni Ke ya toh phir Bhootni Gay! Kya farak padhta hai? ;-)

Bhootni Ke ya toh phir Bhootni Gay! Kya farak padhta hai? ๐Ÿ˜‰

2. Next in line is the F@#* F@#* Girl. The one who made Dutt feel like a mutt! ๐Ÿ˜† She fired his imagination by posing a question as innocent as choli ke peeche kya hai? Sanju Baba must have fired her brains out when he shot back with a question of his own. Goli ke peeche kya hai? ๐Ÿ˜† Or rather, kaun hai? ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Anyway, she waved a resolute TATA before even the courts could slap him with TADA ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Marathi mulgi then wafted off to LA LA LAnd to sing ‘Nene karte, Nene karte pyar tumhi se kar baithe!’ ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

And it's supposed to be okay if you do it?

And it’s supposed to be okay if you do it?

3. Zee Cinema recently aired a classic from the 90s and it was then that I discovered that the effeminate Harish wasnโ€™t the female lead of the film as Iโ€™d thought all along! ๐Ÿ˜€

I imagine most of you remember Lolo’s debut film ‘Prem Qaidi’ where she looked more like the spokesperson of the Al Qaida! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

That ghastly! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Replete with the bushy brows, muchchi mouth et al. ๐Ÿ˜† I remember wondering if they’d deliberately knocked off an ‘N’ from the end of her name which otherwise should have read ‘KarisMAN‘! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Anyway, our fair maiden found Kaalia the Crow slightly more appealing than one of her heroes! ๐Ÿ˜† She resisted Devgn’s advances and he backed off. That was when inane cinema ruled the roost! Then Devgn must have downed one too many a glass of Boost! ๐Ÿ˜† Every film he starred in turned to gold.

Overnight, the kauwa became Mr. Lova Lova ๐Ÿ˜† Lolo, hum itne bhi lolia nahi hain! ๐Ÿ˜†

But by then, thankfully, it was too late! The kaalia, so utterly depressed at being rebuffed, must have gone hunting for someone just as black and lo! He stumbled across…well, no prizes for guessing….. Kajol! ๐Ÿ˜†

And this is how it happened for real!

And this is how it happened for real!

4. If the LOL-worthy sister features on my hit list, how can her obnoxious sister be left out? The Bum of Pataudi ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† has on many occasions tried to undermine her co-stars as if she were the ultimate talent ki pudiya! ๐Ÿ™„ More like a dumb-blonde gudiya! Remember Tashan? ๐Ÿ˜†

The Nordic Goddess once called Bipasha a ‘kaali billi’, dismissed John Abraham as being ‘wooden’, has taken pangas with the Big B, forced an ex-lover to become ‘shahid’ literally! And it certainly hasn’t ended there! No wonder with a mouth and a mind as putrid as hers, her KAREER is KAREENING- downwards! ๐Ÿ˜†

Karma?

Karma?

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What goes up must come down!

So, the entire nation was celebrating Big Bโ€™s 70th. Birthday in a BIGGGGG way. Chhota B(heem) ๐Ÿ™‚ came on air and said something about being very humbled that 70 artists from all over the country joined hands to exhibit a painting each on his illustrious father and I remember thinking, โ€˜Poor you! You wonโ€™t be enjoying this privilege for sure!โ€™ ๐Ÿ™‚

I sometimes wonder whether the invincible Big B finds a lump forming in his throat because his son doesnโ€™t receive the same amount of adulation as he still does. I mean, doesn’t every parent wish for bigger and better things to happen to their child?

My father caught me looking pensive and asked what was bothering me. When I told him that Babyโ€™s success would probably be the biggest gift for AB, he said, โ€œThatโ€™s life! Itโ€™s like a giantwheel. People who are at the top canโ€™t stay put there forever. And those at the bottom canโ€™t always remain there.โ€

So true, na? Thereโ€™s Jeetendra, a yesteryear superstar, who must be lamenting why Tussharโ€™s career hasnโ€™t really taken off. This was the heir who was supposed to eclipse his success, wasnโ€™t he? The progeny of Smita Patil and Raj Babbar turned out to be but a one-film wonder.

At the other end of the spectrum are Babita and Randhir. Absolute duds in their era but whose blue-eyed girls have achieved much more than perhaps any male scion of the Kapoor family has (barring Ranbir, of course!) ๐Ÿ˜‰

Rakesh Roshan might have been a miserable failure at the BO, but life wasnโ€™t so cruel! The Gods gifted him an Adonis lookalike, complete with a full head of gorgeous hair and all, unlike him! ๐Ÿ˜‰ As if that wasnโ€™t enough, his son could act, sing, dance, jump, fly and has been doing this for the last 12 years and counting!

Nothing needs to be said about Kajol whose mother didnโ€™t taste half the success that she has! And then, thereโ€™s Kajolโ€™s husband Ajay Devgn, who shines in every genre, unlike his father, who was forced to shed his ambition of becoming a hero and was restricted to being a mere stunt double.

If success truly skips a generation, ย makes you wonder na what course would Aryan and Suhanaโ€™s lives chart? Would Vivek Oberoiโ€™s kids be the next biggest thing to have happened to Bollywood twenty years hence?

Only time will tell!