Shabaas

Truly, this dude deserves all the accolades coming his way. Not only has he succesfully engraved the identity of Indian Cinema on the global map, he’s also effectively “SNAPped, short the “CHATting” ability of a certain Mr. Spiegel! πŸ˜·πŸ˜œπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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While the whole of my tribe is drooling over this ‘Made-In-India’ Adonis, I’d be quite content to be his mum…or his mother-in-law…lol. To me, he’s quite the Goody Two-Shoes! As for me, I need someone more badass, someone more wicked…like SRK..lol. See πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Anyhoo, word is that the “original” Miss Goody Two-Shoes from Bollywood would be collaborating with her male counterpart for next year’s mega- release, Saaho. 😷😷😷

I mean, wth! 😑😑😠😠 Are the makers even serious???!? Kat is a doll for Chrissakes!!! Wasn’t she crowned Human Barbie or something a while ago?Β Have you looked at her resume if not her repertoire? It clearly states that she can ONLY pout and preen before going back to looking like an ice queen! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Honestly guys, drop her! She’s as lethal as that suicide bomber who ripped Manchester apart. She’s gonna kill us Prabhas fans with her poor histrionics. 😰 In fact, I foresee a high probability of Prabhas’ fans turning against him on account of the inanimate vixen😭…We don’t wanna say Bakwaas to anything related to Prabhaas now, do we?

Rope in Shetty instead. She’ll save it from being shitty! πŸ˜œπŸ˜‚ And Saaho won’t turn into a Saho!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Of Chiknas and Chamelis

Usually, any moment is a good photo-op moment what with Β our stars always perfectly groomed. Unlike the days of yore, when fashion disasters were as likely as getting pigeon poop on your head, the current breed of stars seem to be a wisened lot.

So,while they twinkle brightly even in the dead of night donning glamorous labels and flaunting perfect coiffures, there’s only but once when they shone blazingly, looking like a million bucks. Here’s when:

  1. Ranbir in Badtameez Dil

It took him 6 looooooong years to metamorphose from the sissyish clone of his mother that he used to be to THIS! I can’t put my finger on what makes him look so bloody badtameez here! 😘 Is it his ruffled,shorter crop or the badass ring in his ear or his crisply tailored suit….I could go on and on…sigh!

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2. Can’t really leave his exes behind now, can I? 😝 Deepika in Lungi Dance.

Dippy always makes our tribe feel like we ought to crawl under a rock. But looking the way she did here, we almost smashed that rock on our heads!

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3. Katrina in Everything! πŸ˜‚ But she looks especially ghazab in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahaani.

Kat looks PHAT in EVERYTHING πŸ˜‚…never mind the botox jabs and all! Pre-2010, there used to some meat on her bones and her face boasted of an angelic quality that the hypodermic pricklies took away. Have a look at her ethereal beauty.

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4. Hrithik in Tu Meri

The Adonis of Hindi Cinema can’t be faulted for his look in his entire repertoire of films, but it took a Bang Bang! for him to get his look Bang-On in my sight! 😍😘

A huuuuuge fan of Simon Baker, I’ve likened Hrithik’s avatarΒ to the Mentalist himself ….if that ain’t a compliment, I don’t know what is! 😌

 

5. Preity Zinta in Dil Se…

Chubby cheeks, dimpled chin,

Rosy lips, Teeth Within,

Wavy hair, very fair

Eyes are true, lovely two

Preity Zinta is that you?

YES YES YES!!! 😁😁😁

Bollywood’s original dimpled-beauty has looked her best only at 2 times ..the first when she was a novice and the next when she was at the top of her game in Kal Ho Naa Ho and Salaam Namaste! Agree?

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6. SRK in Dear Zindagi

Like fine wine, the man’s gotten better with age😘…the histrionics, the stutter, and the sexy stubble too! 😜 KHAN the King get better than this?! 😝

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7. Aishwarya in Dil Dooba

Ash is a visual feast in every film she’s appeared. But that one look she totally rocked was that of a Latina with smouldering eyes, luscious curls and a scorching scarlet gown. Check it out

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WHAM BAM!!!

I wonder if Hrithik and Kat walked straight from the shoots of Mountain Dew and Slice, respectively, onto the sets of Bang Bang. This film sure looks like the extended disco version of the two commercials in question! πŸ˜€

After being ousted from the Dhoom camp, the unemployed & twiddling his extra thumbs πŸ˜† Duggu must have jumped at the chance to essay the role of the devilishly-cute, outrageously-sexy, thief-cum-masterchef, Rajveer. A part he can sleepwalk through by now! πŸ˜‰

On this occasion, he grows sticky fingers and plants his half-a-dozen πŸ˜† on The Kohinoor no less! 😯 As nonchalantly as I would lift a pack of Kohinoor Basmati Chawal at D-Mart! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Anyway, thereafter follows complete global mayhem. (Incompetent) Intelligence Agencies, (Impotent) Police Personnel, slimy spies, cold-blooded criminals and I think I even caught a glimpse of the hot-blooded Barbara Mori πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜† hot on the heels of the perpetrator of this mind-boggling chori! πŸ˜€

It’s Around The World in 80 Minutes from then on. Destination Next is Shimla. We’re shown a Bank of Shimla which has suitably employed a ditzy Shimla Mirchi (only because Kat looks hot!) as their receptionist. The first serious bit of thinking on the scriptwriters’ part! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Miss Kaif, the untouched, virginal flower, we’re told, likes to play it safe. It would have been fitting to play ‘Zara Zara Touch Me Kiss Me’ in the background for us to sympathize with the desperation of this nun. πŸ˜‰

Dekha akhkha din mango ko chooosneka nateeja? πŸ˜› πŸ˜‰ Kabhi kabaar MAN ko bhi….ahem too explicit!!! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜› Kabhi kabaar MAN ke peeche bhi jaaya karo. Phir Aamsutra ke saath saath Kamasutra ka bhi endorsement milega! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜› πŸ˜€ πŸ˜†

She proceeds on a blind-date but when the (in retrospect, blind) man in question does a no-show, no prizes for guessing what ingenuity streaked through the writer’s mind. Krrish swoops in for a kiss! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

In the process of charming the pants off her, Harleen metamorphoses into a sex-starved protagonist from Harlequin! πŸ˜† She wonders aloud why Hrithik wants to lug a shiny piece of glass everywhere! 😯 That one peek into her dumb-blonde-kinda mind convinces Hrithik that his secret is safe! Unlike the others, this one is genuinely interested in the male, and not the maal! πŸ˜† She even berates him for picking this Kohinoor and would rather he picked the Kohinoor of the more useful variety found at the chemists! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜› πŸ˜†

From the Alps to Abu Dhabi, we get to witness a lot of betaabi. From Greece to Prague, in their pants is a raging aag! πŸ˜‰ Clearly, she was briefed that Hrithik’s job was to keep the golis flying and she, the cholis flying! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Quite the arduous journey watching the VIRGIN traversing the ATLANTIC, hoping for a satisfying BANGBANG and Krrish pulling off the most inane of stunts from every mode of transport ever invented that seriously makes us want to hail Aamir as the God of Action for his stellar performance in Dhoom 3! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜†

I walked into the theater thinking I’d see a desi Mentalist. Walked out feeling quite MENTALish. πŸ˜€ Steer clear!

BELOW: ‘Look Hrithik, this piece of glass is just as pretty as your Kohinoor and so much more useful! Huh! πŸ™„ ‘

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This one is on ma mind Knight & Day!

Individually, when seen on their own, I detest Katrina and will continue to do so, Jab Tak Hain Jaan, for her pathetic acting chops πŸ˜‰ and Hrithik for perpetually looking like a chiseled mutton chop πŸ˜†

Together, the two couldn’t work their magic on me in Chikni Chameli and Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara couldn’t tempt me to catch it Dobara! πŸ˜‰

Somehow, these two seem to have gotten lucky the third time around. With the golden highlights bouncing off his luscious curls, Indian women can finally be blinded and bedazzled by their very own Made-In-India Simon Baker. πŸ˜‰

I’m sure on waking up each morning, Kat looks the way I look after slathering on layers of greasepaint for a grand wedding reception. Prepped and primed for a shot, she undoubtedly looks like a goddess! These two look so scorching-hot in Bang Bang, I’m already imagining how cute their babies would be! πŸ˜‰

The trailers promise high-octane action. If you recall, so did those of Dhoom! πŸ™„ I remember guffawing and swearing the loudest and even hurling popcorn at Aamir’s face as he regaled? his fans with the most laughable stunts of the millennium! Indeed, that movie spelt DOOM DOOM for the genre. πŸ˜† Fingers crossed Hrithik doesn’t make us HANG HANG our heads in shame! πŸ˜‰

I quite like the music. Each song has been steadily growing on me. A very casual, clubby feel emanates from the dance tracks. Something light and airy that I can play on my IPod. Something that isn’t designed to bring on a monster-migraine-attack like that hideous snakecharmer’s composition- Malang Malang! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€ The videos of BB are shot stylishly, the leads look like a million bucks in their crisply- tailored attire and everything seems so well put together. Let’s hope we get the maximum BANG for our bucks. Make that BANGBANG for our bucks!

Ta Da! Face-Off Time Guys!

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Dumb and Number!

Chhota B(heem) reportedly celebrated Diwali with added gusto this year. Bada bhoj jo chaati se utar gaya hai! Firstly, the world is finally convinced that Beti B is no clone of a certain Vivek Oberoi neither does she have β€˜TIGER’ish features πŸ˜€

Secondly, joh hamesha Bol Bachchan kehlata tha with no substantial work to his repertoire, is suddenly in the news thanks to a crackling performance in, well, no prizes for guessing…BOL BACHCHAN!

So, our Gol Bachchan gifted a chhota Cooper to Beti B for Diwali! Not a tricycle, not a ride-on….directly a Mini Cooper!!! That’s the difference between us ordinary mortals and the Bachchans!

Anyway, a few Aryabhatts even noted that Miss Kaif’s black Audi and the newest baby in the Bachchan stable (not Aaradhya) share the same numbers on their license plates ….hence, they must be consulting the same astrologist.

2882….Innocent looking numbers, right? Then, the dormant Aryabhatt in me woke up, and guess what! 2882….does this sequence mean anything?

Think, Think…

Bolo Bolo…Tell Tell… πŸ˜‰

I’m all ears ….

Awaiting patiently (stifling yawn)…

O, damn you! πŸ˜‰

28th. September is the day a certain Mr. Kapoor was born in the year β€˜82!!!

Ain’t KAT one shrewd cat after all! Certainly not as innocent as she looks when she bats those mascaraed lashes at us.

KAT ka motivation main samajh sakti hoon, still scratching my pretty head as to why Babyshek’s hankering after the same numerals….unless….
UNLESS….

Someone’s hoping for a Dostana 3 to happen with Ranbir playing one of the 3 happy and GAY stooges πŸ˜€

Below: The Cut-Copy-Paste- Numberplates

Ab Tak Hai Yawn!

I loooove freebies! Who doesn’t??!! Ek pe ek free…ho hum! Ek pe do free….hmmm I’m listening! Ek pe teen free…alright, bring it on!!! Ek pe chaar free…..ooooh, orgasmic! πŸ˜‰

JTHJ gives you 5 for the price of 1! A mish mash of several SRK greats- DDLJ, Fauji, Dil Se, Chak De and a generous dollop of Ghajini! Plus a liplock from the otherwise “celibate main leads” thrown in for good measure!

Certainly the last SRK- Yash Chopra collaboration, I had high expectations from the undisputed Kings of Romance,Β positioned in front of the camera, and behind.Β  They were good, like in all their previous ventures. Just not brilliant!

JTHJ showed me everything I’ve seen before, albeit done with greater finesse.

Samar Anand was a more haggard version of the Raj’s and Rahul’s we’ve seen in the past. Understandably so. But when one does all that he did two decades ago, I would say ‘Dude, move on!’

Akira was akin to our desi Shakira :D, jiggling and wiggling her lithe body dangerously. And if you thought she was loud in BBB, just wait till you watch her put even those deafening bombs to shame in JTHJ! πŸ˜€

And then, moving on to the poor little rich girl, whom all us envious girls love to hate. A pretty dumb bimbo- you can add a comma to the sentence if you like, and it’d still read the same! πŸ˜€

It’s embarrassing to watch Kat in the same frame as seasoned pros like a SRK or an Amitabh or even an Aamir. And no, it ain’t because of her clothes! πŸ˜‰

KATS look best with someone from their own family- the TIGER!!! Now we all know that animals can’t act. They can only entertain and there’s a separate genre of mindless cinema conceived with them in mind. Sorry, I’m not BEING HUMAN now! πŸ˜€

But you now know where I’m heading- take all the Dabanggs & Mere Brother Ki Dulhans. But leave the Barfis, Rajneetis, KahaanisΒ & Talaashs to the experts.

Speaking of seasoned and mature, they say the older the wine, the headier it is. YRF served me old wine in a new bottle for Diwali. The hangover never came, and the yawns just won’t go! Would this continue till Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan! Scary thought, that!

BELOW: The ‘impotent’ wine that did nothing for me!