Saif: The Male Kaif!

Lately, I find Saif relentlessly pulling off a Kaif! She plays dumb on celluloid and he in tabloids!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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Sangat ka asar ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

What was that Sunny-Deolesque bhaari barkam dhai-kilo ka ‘baat’ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ he recently threw in our faces? Eugenics, right?๐Ÿ˜จ๐Ÿ˜ท

That very term seems to have failed him terribly early on in life. ย Why else did he not walk the hallowed halls of Oxford University unlike the rest of his illustrious clan? Why else did he not hit a sixer like his acclaimed father? Although he certainly resembled one [read chhaka] ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ for the better part of his youth!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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Bottomline: Eugenics should never ever be elaborated on by an erstwhile eunuch!!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚Woah..the alliterations in that one!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

His reasoning on why nepotism rocks is beyond bizarre. He says people should invest in pedigree because they are the likeliest to succeed in any given field. Brace yourselves guys! I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Jacckky ‘SHOWOFF’ (Bhagnani), Vivek O-BORE-BOI and Jaa [S]Imran Jaa (Khan) yet!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Eugenics also permit Abhishek to burn producers’ moolah and gaajars too ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ at the stake! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Investing in Eugenics has proved profitable at times but those have been far and few. Imagine if no one had tapped into Hrithik Roshan’s potential!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ That lad would still be twiddling his thumbs at home. All 3 of them!!!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

I can just feel it in my bones that Sara Ali Khan is gonna shame ‘Eugenics’ and the ‘Promoter’ of that word real soon! What a karmic treat it’d be if she was to debut opposite Varun Dhawan in a disaster-of-a-film helmed by the Snooty Flag Bearer of Nepotism himself! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Kangana would certainly be like this ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Stupid Cupid- Part I

Being an ardent V-Day hater, Iโ€™ve always thought Cupid to be the most overrated of the Love Gods. Having witnessed the most absurd of B-town pairings in recent months, I now pronounce him daft! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thereโ€™s one particular jodi thatโ€™s guaranteed to make your maatha fodi. There couldnโ€™t be a better example of the perfect antithesis. Sheโ€™s all politically correct and demure, heโ€™s brash and immature. While her Goddess-like look makes eyes pop, heโ€™s the proverbial dork, struts like a noisy cock and his talks make you balk. Many believe she has the best arse in the industry and the worst arsehole for a boyfriend from the industry! ๐Ÿ˜†

Meet B-Town’s official clown, the one and only, Ranveer Singh! (drumrolls)

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Circa 2010. I was genuinely excited when the trailer of Band Baaja Baraat hit the tube for the first time. The impish hero of the film seemed so in the skin of his character and was so effortlessly natural, I confess to being momentarily blinded by the brightest star on the horizon. But it took one chat show with KJo and I could stand him no more!

Like Iโ€™ve stated earlier, โ€˜immatureโ€™ screamed and leapt out at me the moment the man opened his mouth. It was evident Ranveer Singh brags more than he shags ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† He said something to the effect of Kareena visiting his adda and stripping him of his boyhood!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ No wonder Saif landed in the hospital right around that time with cardiac complaints! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Anyway, getting back to the show, as her retarded boyfriend kept maaraaoing fataakris, a jubilant Anushka was bursting celebratory fataakris (in her mind). She now had the full sympathy and support of the entire nation in her grand plans to ditch her conceited boyfriend.

Karan, on the other hand, who was happily munching away, nearly choked on his cookie! He was so convulsed with laughter by the sheer hilarity of the statement, I think a little bit of pee came out! ๐Ÿ˜› Before the show got rechristened โ€˜Cough-Pee with Karanโ€™, a strategically-timed ad break thankfully prevented the inevitable from happening! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Who advertises their stupidity so blatantly on national TV? Speaking of national, a hilarious episode comes to mind involving an immigrant relation from the husbandโ€™s side whoโ€™d settled down in Holland and was hopelessly in love with his new home. So much so that he had to deride everyone and everything from the place heโ€™d come to holiday at. Excerpts from the boastful conversation:

(At Spinneyโ€™s, one of the more upscale supermarket chains in Dubai)
Me: (checking the price tag on an exquisite Christmas tree) Wow!!! (pun intended)
He: Arre, yahaan green tree milta hai? Mere Holland mein na safed trees bikte hain.
Me: ๐Ÿ™„ (pretending to be stunned) Haan?!? Wow! Badiya hai!!! ๐Ÿ™„
Me: (inwardly grimacing) Registan mein kabhi barf girta hai kya, dodo? ๐Ÿ˜†

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Me: (picking up a loaf of bread)
He: Arre, yahaan Dubai mein aisa saadha slice bread milta hai? Mere Holland mein na Pain milta hai!
Me: (wondering) Is he talking about himself???? Me quips surreptitiously ๐Ÿ˜€

A friend tagging around covertly and clearly eavesdropping wanted to know, โ€œYeh Hole-Lund Hole-Lund kya bake jaa raha tha!!!โ€

ROFL ROFL ROFL ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

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Anyway (wiping off a tear) there should be a law in place that warns, ‘BOAST AND YOU’RE TOAST!’

Till that happens, Ranveer would have lost Deepika who, much like a shuttlecock, seems happy to be shuttling between two cocks with similar-sounding names ๐Ÿ˜†

To Cut A Long SOTY Chhoti

So, I wanted to catch SOTY the other day. This, despite knowing more about the film than probably KJo himself! ๐Ÿ˜€
But, man, did this movie whizz out of the theatres faster than a Diwali rocket or what???!!!! Not a SINGLE screen ANYWHERE in Mumbai dedicated to KJoโ€™s Bollywoodish rendition of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fireโ€ฆwhy God, why???? ๐Ÿ˜‰
Our desi Ron and Harry have the license to hit on both Hermione and Ginny; the only difference being Ginny here has no brotherโ€ฆsheesh, what were you thinking??!! ๐Ÿ˜›
Unlike their videshi counterparts, our hari puttars possess absolutely drool-worthy bodiesโ€ฆPlus the Bhaaratiya Dumbledore is overtly gayโ€ฆit certainly couldnโ€™t get better than this!
Then thereโ€™s that annoying โ€˜Anjali Anjaliโ€™, a KJo find from 14 years ago, whoโ€™s metamorphosed into one of the hottest female supporting actresses of the year. Not that I was dying to check her out! My husband was! ๐Ÿ˜€
Well, to cut a long SOTY short, the movie vanished out of the theaters faster than I could read its title! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

BELOW: Poster of the Year! Kudos to Jo for crunching in more alphabets than faces in such a tiny space.

Student of the Year REVEALED REVEALED REVEALED!!!!

While the entire nation waits with bated breath as to whoโ€™s the star of SOTY, Iโ€™m one of the few who already knows his name!

Jealous? Haan? Haan?? Bolo bolo, tell tell ๐Ÿ™‚

Well, scroll down to know who

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Itโ€™s Siddharth Malhotra! Siddharth Malhotra!! Siddharth Malhotra!!!

Heโ€™s the man who gets both the trophy AND the gopi! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Time to spill the beans on my โ€˜reliable sourceโ€™- none other than my Darling Hubby!!! Hahahahhaha ย ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

He has a gut feeling the lanky model from Delhi is the one whoโ€™ll strike it lucky in SOTY!

Before you dismiss his prediction, let me tell you that he ALWAYS gets it right! Be it the bhoot in Bhool Bhulaiyya or the twist in Kahaani or how Ek Main Aur Ek Tu would end, heโ€™s always hit the bullโ€™s eye! …And blinded the poor bull so many times!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

Hereโ€™s Mr. Scriptwriter spewing some gyaan on his deductions:

โ€œSample this. Sid is a middle-class student, whose dedication lands him at the prestigious ย St. Theresaโ€™sย  on a scholarship. Varun is the rebellious, spoilt rich brat, totally lost, aimless and clueless in life, whose only identity comes from being the son of a business magnate. You do the math. Alia has to get hitched to the more responsible, more grounded Sid, even though sheโ€™s indulged in her fair share of flirty fun with Varun.โ€

OKAYYYYY, makes sense so far.

And come to think of it, Iโ€™m inclined to agree with hubby as well. Hereโ€™s why:

I looooooooooooove Varun Dhawan and I honestly think heโ€™s one of the best-looking newcomers on the B-Block. But I get the impression that KJo is fonder of Siddharth Malhotra than Varun. Check out every promo and youโ€™ll see close-ups of Siddharth and long shots of Varun. This, even when Varun is the better dancer of the two! And then there’s the fact that KJo recommended Sid’s name to Ekta Kapoor and got him a plum deal with Balaji Films.

And then, thereโ€™s Aliaโ€™s body language. She loves Varun, albeit, in a platonic way. But she looks longingly at Sid, tells him coyly that she wants ‘more’ (whatever that means!) ย in the โ€˜Radhaโ€™ song, caresses his face with a lingering finger, and generally shares more screen space with him than Varun. Plus, in the promotional poster below, she seems to be warding ย Varun off completely….Okay, maybe I’m reading too much into her every move ๐Ÿ˜‰

Iโ€™m not completely sold on Siddharthโ€™s charm. He reminds me a lot of Sunil Shetty – angular face, thick lips and all ๐Ÿ™‚ Oh, and not to forget, that visible discomfort while dancing and the stiff postures. Letโ€™s hope he scores in the acting department, cuz as of now, I feel like gifting that golden goblet to his arch-rival Varun ๐Ÿ™‚

As for Varun, thereโ€™s a certain cockiness to him- a lot like the arrogance Shahid Kapoor exudes. Is that why Karan prefers the humbler, non-filmi ย background walla Siddharth?

Only time will tell. In this case, October 19 2012!