Karma Deductions

July 15, 2017 is a date sure to go down in the annals of cinematic history.

Very rarely do you see pedigree shame itself. Three successful men, with roots in the industry deeper than those of that ancient banyan tree in your courtyard, made bumbling fools of themselves by proudly defending nepotism of all things in the world! 😳😳😳😷😷😷😷That too on national TV!!! 😱😱😱 Life truly imitated art, for indeed, we saw 3 Idiots for real on that day!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Nepotism and its cousin, the infamous Casting Couch,.. remind me so much of Lord Voldemort! πŸ‘½ They who must never be named!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

On and off, several small-time starlets have summoned a mustard-seed-of-courage to speak up against these twin evils sullying the industry since its inception. We never did hear from them again. Their careers were finished before they could even begin!

And then came a woman with balls bigger than those of all the men collectively in Bollywood. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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The Queen Bee..tch .. Β is what these sissies call her behind her back! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

She hit a towering sixer when she asked the Sixer of Bollyland [Hrithik, who else πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚] to not hide behind his father but to deal with her directly in the open as he used to clandestinely deal with her behind closed doors in the past! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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She then locked horns with the frivolous KJo who we have been JLoing like his Hollywood counterpart. The cherry on the icing is that she did it on his own chat show!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

She called him out for ridiculing her accent when she was a struggler much to her co-guest, Saif Ali Khan’s discomfort. As if that wasn’t enough to set their mouths wide open, she left them with their jaws burrowed deep in their chest when she accused Johar (and rightly so) of being a “Snooty Flag Bearer of Nepotism” and a “Movie Mafia” of sorts. Her candor was so refreshing especially since half of the season could best be described as a diplomatic saga.

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Kangana’s a smart woman because she chose to wait for the right time to fight these bullies. When she’s at the top of her game without fear of being silenced like the not-so-fortunate newbies. When she’s so secure in her space that she refuses to worship the ground the movers and shakers of the film fraternity walk on. When nobody can topple her off the pinnacle because even if you consider all of them together, collectively they don’t possess even an iota of her talent!

I never was a huge fan of Kangana in her early days of acting. She cloned herself in every other release so much so that I couldn’t tell a Gangster apart from Woh Lamhe or even a Fashion.

And then came Once Upon A Time… and I was hooked onto the fabulous success story she single-handedly penned in this male-dominated world she was born to rule over.

I used to admire her bravado for lashing out against the cowards who doused her sister with acid but it was only earlier this year that I fell in love with her simplicity when she appeared on the Kapil Sharma Show with Shahid and laughed her guts out at Gutthi’s adorable antics.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ She laughed without restrain…without any fear of her mascara smudging or her foundation caking. She laughed like a child…not like how a woman is conditioned by society to laugh.

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And now I respect her because she spat out her grudges to the person who’d wronged her to his face and didn’t indulge in malicious gossip behind his back. She wasn’t overly sweet to him neither was she vindictive but she’d cleared the air between them and had KJo been mature about the whole thing, Dharma was sure to spring a blockbuster in the near future with the Queen, no less, at the helm.

But the man-baby had to cry on every shoulder he found. In London, whilst speaking to Anupama Chopra, the presumptuous old fart embarrassed himself by revealing that he was surprised Kangana even knew the meaning of Flag Bearer of Nepotism!!! 😎

Kangana herself had mentioned it to him that Anupama’s husband is her biggest well-wisher in the industry. Either KJo intended for the spite to reach Kangs’ ears loud and clear or he’s as dumb as the films he conceives to want to bare his bleeding heart to someone who clearly belongs in Camp Kangana!

Be as it may, he dug his own grave at the IIFA by dissing her when she wasn’t even around to defend herself. How cowardly! I’ve never doubted him being a sissy but the machismo Saif and Varun exude on screen has to be a sham! 😜Kangana has had no issue with both hitherto so their ass-kissing stunt, just to score a few brownie points from Johar, speaks volumes about their gentlemanly facade. Good thing that they aren’t gonna forget the dreadful taste of their feet in their mouth anytime soon!😎

Not sure about the fate of Dharma Productions, but Karma deductions for distasteful behaviour happened in full swing on that day!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

 

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Stupid Cupid- Part I

Being an ardent V-Day hater, I’ve always thought Cupid to be the most overrated of the Love Gods. Having witnessed the most absurd of B-town pairings in recent months, I now pronounce him daft! πŸ˜‰

There’s one particular jodi that’s guaranteed to make your maatha fodi. There couldn’t be a better example of the perfect antithesis. She’s all politically correct and demure, he’s brash and immature. While her Goddess-like look makes eyes pop, he’s the proverbial dork, struts like a noisy cock and his talks make you balk. Many believe she has the best arse in the industry and the worst arsehole for a boyfriend from the industry! πŸ˜†

Meet B-Town’s official clown, the one and only, Ranveer Singh! (drumrolls)

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Circa 2010. I was genuinely excited when the trailer of Band Baaja Baraat hit the tube for the first time. The impish hero of the film seemed so in the skin of his character and was so effortlessly natural, I confess to being momentarily blinded by the brightest star on the horizon. But it took one chat show with KJo and I could stand him no more!

Like I’ve stated earlier, β€˜immature’ screamed and leapt out at me the moment the man opened his mouth. It was evident Ranveer Singh brags more than he shags πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† He said something to the effect of Kareena visiting his adda and stripping him of his boyhood!!! 😯 No wonder Saif landed in the hospital right around that time with cardiac complaints! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Anyway, getting back to the show, as her retarded boyfriend kept maaraaoing fataakris, a jubilant Anushka was bursting celebratory fataakris (in her mind). She now had the full sympathy and support of the entire nation in her grand plans to ditch her conceited boyfriend.

Karan, on the other hand, who was happily munching away, nearly choked on his cookie! He was so convulsed with laughter by the sheer hilarity of the statement, I think a little bit of pee came out! πŸ˜› Before the show got rechristened β€˜Cough-Pee with Karan’, a strategically-timed ad break thankfully prevented the inevitable from happening! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Who advertises their stupidity so blatantly on national TV? Speaking of national, a hilarious episode comes to mind involving an immigrant relation from the husband’s side who’d settled down in Holland and was hopelessly in love with his new home. So much so that he had to deride everyone and everything from the place he’d come to holiday at. Excerpts from the boastful conversation:

(At Spinney’s, one of the more upscale supermarket chains in Dubai)
Me: (checking the price tag on an exquisite Christmas tree) Wow!!! (pun intended)
He: Arre, yahaan green tree milta hai? Mere Holland mein na safed trees bikte hain.
Me: πŸ™„ (pretending to be stunned) Haan?!? Wow! Badiya hai!!! πŸ™„
Me: (inwardly grimacing) Registan mein kabhi barf girta hai kya, dodo? πŸ˜†

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Me: (picking up a loaf of bread)
He: Arre, yahaan Dubai mein aisa saadha slice bread milta hai? Mere Holland mein na Pain milta hai!
Me: (wondering) Is he talking about himself???? Me quips surreptitiously πŸ˜€

A friend tagging around covertly and clearly eavesdropping wanted to know, β€œYeh Hole-Lund Hole-Lund kya bake jaa raha tha!!!”

ROFL ROFL ROFL πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

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Anyway (wiping off a tear) there should be a law in place that warns, ‘BOAST AND YOU’RE TOAST!’

Till that happens, Ranveer would have lost Deepika who, much like a shuttlecock, seems happy to be shuttling between two cocks with similar-sounding names πŸ˜†