The Korean CHORean!

Given the rate at which the Suris and Bhatts of this world ‘MURDER’ unsuspecting Korean flicks- Coincidence they have a ‘Murder’ franchise?! πŸ˜† I wouldn’t be surprised if our chinky-eyed brethren decide to stick churis up their butts! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

This time around, the Korean CHORean πŸ˜† has rifled through his humongous South-East-Asian DVD collection yet again! In the process of toning down the gore, the Cut-Copy-Paste specialist has transformed a classic into an absolute bore! Ek Villain is pure tripe- terribly watered-down and pathetically farcical!

A look at the main characters:

Shraddha Kaoor as Ayesha. However, looking at her antics, I think she was still playing Aarohi FIRKI πŸ˜†

Sid MalHOTra as Guru. Way to go boy! From Student of the Year less than two years ago to Guru! Impressive!!! πŸ˜†

Riteish Deshmukh as Rakesh/ Rakshas Mahadkar

Aamna Sharif– Biwi kam, greedy zyaada. Not so sharif after all! πŸ˜‰

Let’s start with the girl I love to hate! πŸ˜‰ You didn’t think you could steal ARK from me and earn bouquets too, eh Shraddha? πŸ˜›

Scene 1: At Aarohi Shirke aka Aayesha’s adda.

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Yaaaaaaaaaa….Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! AAAOOOOOOOOOOOOch!!!! πŸ˜‰

Looks like it indeed was a good screw! πŸ˜› πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Scene 2: In the Mahadkars’ kholi.

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Scene 3: Rakesh with the ultimate misogynist Kamaal R Khan at the pool.

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Scene 4: Guru moping at home.

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Scene 5: Now Guru miraculously chances upon Rakesh’s son in a church, telltale chakri in tow.

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Scene 6: Guru tails the cheeky lad who leads him (inadvertently) to his father. Each time Rakesh descends on his prey, Guru gets in the way.

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Scene 7: Frustrated, Rakesh tries to seek solace in a dance bar.

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In his drunken stupor, Rakesh is unaware that Guru shoves a GPS tracker up his arse. The graphics are a little too vivid for me to post them up here! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜†

Scene 8: Later, that night at the Mahadkar residence. Mrs. Mahadkar rustles up an explosive dish. Daliya garnished liberally with Farty Aaloos. (humming softly) Meri daliya, daliya meri daliya, tujhe tadpaaye daliya meri daliya πŸ˜† πŸ˜€ πŸ˜†

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The next morning, the tracker flew with a great velocity… and landed close to where Rakesh PAADHkar was squatting! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

On the railway tracks, of course!!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

A sequel awaits! 😯

BARshitty

The Nightingale of India is totally PISSED! She’s downed one too many of them Kingfishers!!! πŸ˜€ What else would you expect when she’s a permanent fixture on the walls of some shady Goan bar?!? πŸ˜†

Welcome to director Mohit Suri’s tipsy universe! One where legends like Mangesh-KAR must adorn a BAR 😯 and Sunny Leone probably is spouting bhajans at Bhagwaan ke DWAAR! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

As you can gauge, the BAR and DAAR(u) are pivotal to the story of A2. Our hero bottles his myriad emotions 😦 After emptying them bottles, of course! πŸ˜› Alcoholics Anonymous’ worst nightmare come true, here’s how:

1. When he’s merry, he reaches out for that glass (or two) of Sherry.
2. When he’s angry, he reaches out for that bottle (or two) of Sangri(a).
3. When in pain, bring out the champagne!
4. The non-controversial wine takes centre-stage when all is fine.
5. Feni has been reserved for times when things get a little whiny.
6. The Breezer thaws him when he turns all sarci and frosty like a Freezer.
7. When he’s all lively and frisky, he must go and spoil it all by unleashing that potent whisky.

Truly the King…er…SING(er) of GOOD TIMES! πŸ˜‰

Rahul, the quintessential owl, parades like a ghoul, πŸ˜€ and on one such nocturnal outing, discovers his protΓ©gΓ©e, belting his hits one after another, so so so mellifluously, she makes him sound like Altaf Raja! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

He takes her under his wing and the lovebirds happily sing.

One moment he’s on top and she’s down (dirty minds, Gulshan Grover ishtyle!) πŸ˜›

In the next, she’s the talk of the town and he’s the clown!

Mr. Suri reportedly is a big fan of Titanic and says he’s made a poignant love story πŸ™„ with Rahul as the Desi Jack and Shraddha as the Bharatiya Rose πŸ˜€

Well, Rahul ended up more like JACK DANIELS while Shraddha seemed best suited to endorse Yardley ROSE!!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

I was reminiscing about A2’s predecessor. Here’s how they look when pitted against each other:

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So this is Aashiqui 2 for you. How love surpasses everything- bloated egos, bloated livers πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† and must ultimately triumph. YAWN! Watch it only for the beudah who pitches in a sincere effort πŸ˜€ Cheers to that! πŸ˜‰

BELOW: Dude, where’s the Chlormint? πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

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