Who knew the monosyllable Vidya Balan spouts more times than you would blink your eyes actually makes for an apt title for the movie! Seriously, most things about Ghanchakkar are bleh and will certainly elicit a dozen โ€˜Hains?!?โ€™ from you ๐Ÿ˜†

A crime thriller infused with copious amounts of humour, meet the LAZY LAD Sanjay Athraye. A lackadaisical Emraan, presumably numbed by the high-voltage drama in his professional life as an ace safe-cracker, is shown to prefer the TV over the Biwi at home! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

For all the years of kissing Emraan has clocked in, he comes across as highly impotent in the film! A particularly sharp tongue wondered aloud if this was the revenge of the Lovegods after all! ๐Ÿ˜€ Nothing can manage to arouse the lazy lad from his dazed stupor, not even Vidyaโ€™s raunchy manoeuvres in his eternal comfort zone, the bedroom. ๐Ÿ˜› So much for shouting from rooftops ki

Main Entertainment Hoon!

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Next is the CRAZY AULAD, Neetu Athraye! ๐Ÿ˜€ Through her character of a feisty Punjaban fashionista, Vidya has avenged that dreary pinafored look she was stuck with in Kahaani. Her Playboyish ensembles can send Hefnerโ€™s bunnies scurrying to their holes…in shock, of course! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Bandi yeh BINDAAS hai, who doesnโ€™t even spare her ARSE of a SAAS for getting too PAAS! ๐Ÿ˜† Her culinary experiments can best be summed up as โ€˜akin to eating GHAASโ€™ ๐Ÿ˜† but you donโ€™t want to point that out! Why risk becoming a victim of her BHADAAS? ๐Ÿ˜†

Enter the CHADDI BADD(ies), Idris and Pandit. I got to see a lot more of these two than I bargained for! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ They storm into the couple’s cozy pad to claim their share of wads from a daring heist theyโ€™d committed a couple of months ago.

Executing the loot by donning very โ€˜realโ€™ masks of Amitabh, Dharmendra and Utpal Dutt was sheer genius! The audience was in splits!!! I thought what would take the scene a few notches higher would be Emraan wearing Kareenaโ€™s mask getting a crack at the โ€˜SAIFโ€™. Get it? ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† That would seriously crack me up! ๐Ÿ˜€

My noisy neighbor griped that the trio should have drawn inspiration from real-life vandals instead and worn masks of Sonia, Rahul and Manmohan Singh!!! ๐Ÿ˜› Oooh..that would have been Oooh La La! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Then starts the Bheja Fry. Oh, btw, this filmโ€™s pace is just as sluggish. Is Sanjay shrewdly pulling off a Ghajini on them? Or did he really get robbed of his memory in that terrible accident we never get to see shortly after the burglary? Is the wife naive or is she someone waiting to stab the others in the back with a knife?

The story begins running in circles, as many as those present on Emraanโ€™s polka-dotted red night suit!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Just do a RUN-CHAKKAR. Steer Clear!

BELOW: OMG! This poster shows you in 2 seconds what I saw for 2 whole frikkin’ hours!!!!