There’s KOMthing about Mary!

When Holiday released, the only clue that tipped me off about SonHATHI being a boxer were her bright neon XXXL BOXERS! ๐Ÿ˜† So badly has the daughter of KHAMOSH sullied a boxing great’s image, Laila Ali must have definitely fallen BEHOSH ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

MC Mary Kom certainly won’t go into a KOMA ๐Ÿ˜† when she watches her biopic.

The story of Mary Kom- The Film tries hard to trace the life-story of Mary Kom- The Legend. Of her impoverished upbringing in an obscure Manipuri household, of her frugal education, of her fractured relationship with a conservative father, of the simmering anger within her, of her belligerent foray into a sport as intense and brutal as boxing, of her rise to fame and the subsequent bleakness of anonymity brought on by marriage and motherhood, and finally of her determination to redeem herself as one of Asia’s formidable pugilists.

Phew! Quite a commendable journey that! But Mr. SLB (Sanjay Leela Bhansali) insists on behaving like a SOB! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜† He liberally peppers fact with fiction. We want an unadulterated BIOPIC Mr. Bhansali. We never desired to BUY-YOUR-FIC(tion) ๐Ÿ˜‰

The young Mary Kom, testosterone-ridden to the point of beating the shit outta every boy in Manipur, has been shown to join the sport only to give direction to the anger consuming her. Man(i)pur ki Man-eater, eh? ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜†
In reality, Kom took up boxing after being heavily inspired by another boxing luminary, Dingko Singh.

Which makes me wonder if SLB has shown Kom sharing such an uneasy equation with her father, just for the sake of melodrama. The real Papa Kom might have forbidden his daughter from taking up the sport as it would mar her pretty face and make her SCARY Kom instead ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† which in turn would derail her chances of finding marriage alliances. But I’m not so sure if he was completely in the dark and learnt of his daughter’s advent into the sport only through the tabloids! I mean who does that, besides Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, breaking the news of her breakup to Vivek Oberoi in the TOI? ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜†

Before painting Papa Kom as a monster, SLB should have paused to reflect that woh ugaata hai Chaawal, ukhaadta nahi hai like the villainous Paresh Rawal! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

And I can bet my bottom dollar that Papa didn’t scream ATTACK! sitting in his living room for Mary to hear thousands of miles away that propelled her to deliver that winning blow! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Sheesh! Aaj kal tadka gravies mein hi nahi, biographies mein bhi daalne lage hai! ๐Ÿ˜†

As if this wasn’t enough, there are plenty of product endorsements we must silently endure. Was Mankind’s Prega News Home Pregnancy Test available at the beginning of mankind ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† considering Kom had her bonny boys close to a decade ago? ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜€ We are enlightened to the fact that Havmor ice-cream was her craving and are given a quick lesson in patriotism when the camera pans in on Tata Salt in her pantry. Aakhir Kom ne desh ka namak jo khaaya hai! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

Piggy Chops packs in quite a punch. After subtracting 1 point for her fake Manipuri accent (which sounded more like my Gurkha’s Nepalese btw ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† – Aai Shalaam Shaaib, tumrah bocha aaj khelne ko aaya nahi neeche) ๐Ÿ˜† performance-wise, she stands neck-to-neck with her unbeatable Jhilmil. From now on, she’s officially Piggy BOX! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Pee Cee’s spirited act is the only redeeming feature of this feature film. Sadly, that’s just what it is. An act. However superb! Wish they’d scratched beyond the surface of Mary Kom’s brawn. Woh toh already Wiki pe text form mein available hai FOR FREE! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Now here are some pics that speak volumes about the real Mary Kom. Enjoy!

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This Diwali, let’s play GOLIS!

I have half a mind to shoot PC in the head. Or better still, CHOP that little PIGGY to pieces! ๐Ÿ˜€ Cuz this Diwali, I certainly can’t afford to play Holi…I can onlyย barely manage to stutter, โ€œHoly Shit!!!โ€

Being a huge fan of hers, hubby got me a Lumia 800 to illuminate my Diwali. So blinded were we by the sheer beauty of this baby (the phone, not PC), we didnโ€™t really bother to delve on why Nokiaโ€™s slid to where it has today.

In two words, HUGE MISTAKE!

Known for its robust hardware, I thought my Nokia was invincible. Theyโ€™ve come up with a weird design of concealing the charger/ USB slot under a really flimsy trap door, that can break at the slightest provocation. Horror of horrors, thatโ€™s exactly what happened to my sultry pink phone! Just when I berated her for losing her virginity (symbolism provided by my husband ๐Ÿ™‚ ), she hit back with a vengeance. The charger wouldnโ€™t fire her up again!

Relieved that I was still protected by the one-year warranty offered on the phone, I confidently strutted into the Nokia Care Centre and demanded that I be offered a new charger in exchange for the defective one and that the โ€˜booby trap doorโ€™ be replaced with a new one.

I wondered why the โ€˜CAREโ€™ executive had that silly grin erupting at the corners of her mouth. Here are the unused Diwali bombs that she chose to drop on me:

  1. Please photocopy the original bill of purchase 3 times!” When asked if we could use the idle machine humming a leisurely tune in a forgotten corner of her office and that we would be glad to pay for the copies, she mumbled something about there being a paper shortage in the office! Anyway, tried to shrug off her callous attitude and did the needful a good three blocks away. Returned grumpy and sweaty, and then, the next bomb was hurled.
  2. โ€œKindly provide me with the charger,โ€ she said politely to mollify me. I obliged, and then,…no, I kid you not…she said โ€œPlease come back in two weeks to collect the replacement.โ€ I was like, โ€œWhat????!!!โ€ โ€œAre you like out of your mind? Does my phone remain โ€˜unilluminatedโ€™ (if there is such a word) for two weeks just because someone has to ride on a bullock cart to deliver the new accessory to you?โ€ ๐Ÿ˜›ย I just got a shrug.
  3. And then the killer bomb was unleashed. Taking a deep breath to stop myself from thundering further, I asked her to replace the annoying trap door on my phone. Was it my imagination or did I detect a greedy glint in her eyes? โ€œSure,โ€ she exulted. โ€œI have it in black though, which will stand out very well against your pinkie!!!! And Rs. 1200 please.โ€ I opened my mouth to protest but not a sound came out. Taking advantage of my momentary speechlessness, she launched into the most absurd of explanations. โ€œMadam, you have performed physical damage on your phone.โ€ Andย a loud cackle followedย from my husband who suddenly remembered the โ€˜virginityโ€™ saga. ๐Ÿ™‚ She continued as if there was no interruption , “And I would say, donโ€™t touch your pinkie now. If we pull her door, she will be unprotected as the warranty stands void due to further physical damage.โ€ (What, was my pinkie going to be raped or something???!!!

I left the โ€˜SCAREโ€™ Centre but not before flashing her my pinkie, ๐Ÿ˜€ย and my mind screaming โ€œAlways NO to a NOKIA!โ€

P.S. What were the designers thinking? That there’d be a million dollar heist if the door wasn’t fitted to the phone??!!