DON’t!

15 August 2013 will indeed go down in the annals of history as the real D-Day! Pun-Intended! Kyunki us din Duniya mein jitne saare Don the, woh sab Once Upon Ay Time in Mumbaai Dobaara dekhke shahid ho gaye! ๐Ÿ˜†

Kutria …whoops…Luthria ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† has terribly caricaturized and diluted the essence of a true bhai. Watching his latest is sure to make Dawood cry!

Akki, the most impotent bhai in town :lol:, engages more in Linegiri than Bhaigiri ๐Ÿ˜†

Lines that are absurd to the point of seeming that they were lifted straight off the back of an autorickshaw plying in Bhendi Bazaar :lol:, here’s a sneak peek into the inanity that is OUATIMD:

(airing his views on love): “Pyaar aaj kal naukrani jaise ban gaya hai. Aata hai, bell bajata hai, kaam karke chala jaata hai.” ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

(on the changing face of Bombay): This one’s a killer! “Yeh Bumbai, Kumkum se Kimi Katkar ki tarah lag rahi hai!โ€ ๐Ÿ˜† Manda(bi)kini ki tarah kyun nahi, Shoaib ji? ๐Ÿ˜›

Anyway, Bhai recruits his protege, Aslam, from A SLUM (get the connection?) ๐Ÿ˜† in DONgri, the breeding ground of future DONS! ๐Ÿ˜† The same place DONny Boyle scoured and became a millionaire! ๐Ÿ˜†

Anyway, our desi ASLAMdog also turns millionaire jab SONAkshi uske haath lagti hain! ๐Ÿ˜† Her Jasmine should have been named ASPIRIN! That insufferable an actress! ๐Ÿ˜†

The don starts fighting tooth and nail for her to be his moll while the woman reminded me so much of Harry Potter movies ka troll! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† Dekha nateeja pura din kaala chashma pehnne ka? ๐Ÿ˜‰

In one scene, a train whizzes past Imran’s and Sona’s heads and a SRK loyalist in the audience screamed, “Woh dekh! Chennai Express unko gaad rahi hai!” ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† Amen to that!

BELOW: DONkey…nahi :razz:…DON ki toh baja di isne! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Akshay-Kumar-in-a-still-from-the-film-Once-Upon-A-Time-In-Mumbaai-Dobara- (1)

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Kill(sh)aadi

Himesh ‘Besharmmiya’ never ceases to amaze me. The guy does everything heโ€™s not cut out to do. Worse still, like the proverbial Jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none, he adds new skills to his repertoire at an alarming speed, firmly convinced that quantity is better than quality.

This time, he juggles the following jobs in his most incompetent hands:

  1. Producing
  2. Scriptwriting
  3. Composing
  4. Acting (Starts out as a Wedding Planner and ends up caricaturing himself as a big fat baboon ooopsโ€ฆbuffoon)

Weโ€™ve had very few โ€˜wedding plannerโ€™ flicks in B-Town, the most notable being Band Baaja Baraat and I quite liked the premise of that film. Khiladi 786 and the moronic, insufferable Besharmmiya have undone it all. No wonder they liken shaadi to barbaadi!

Moving over to Asin, itโ€™s seriously A SIN to watch her movies in the theatre! A ‘ghaatier’ version of the shrew Iโ€™d seen in Housefull 2 earlier this year, which in comparison to this borefest deserves the Oscars!!! Otherwise, everything else was the SAME.

Asinโ€™s older brother, Mithun ๐Ÿ˜ฏ yes, yes, you read rightโ€ฆNOT DAD, but older brother!โ€ฆ.unlike her, progressed in lifeโ€ฆhe went from a daaku to an underworld don in eight months! ๐Ÿ˜†

As for Akki, all I can manage to say is Yucky! Everything from his garish kurtas to his inane dialogues, stupi(d)fying stunts to the absurd attachment for numerical names running in his familyโ€ฆBaap NUMBERi, toh beta dus NUMBERi, eh???

His fatherโ€™s sattar, heโ€™s bahattar, some other idiot is ikhattar and all the while, mujhe unpe phekna tha paththar ๐Ÿ˜†

Bare choris and threadbare stories (hotchpotch of Namastey London, Ready, Housefull 2, Rowdy Rathore) …….It really would be a gross waste of time and effort to spell out what bulls*#t was unraveling on the screen.

Anyway, by the end, my husband and I were in splits, concocting silly jokes of our ownโ€ฆthat a more apt name for AK would be AK47, given his penchant for numbers. Also, something we shouldnโ€™t have forgetten to carry along with us ๐Ÿ˜†

You get it, right?! Steer clear of this FAIL Khiladi!

BELOW: :I didn’t see this earlier :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

Keep Distance, haan? You bet Akki!

akki