Hain?!!!!???

Who knew the monosyllable Vidya Balan spouts more times than you would blink your eyes actually makes for an apt title for the movie! Seriously, most things about Ghanchakkar are bleh and will certainly elicit a dozen โ€˜Hains?!?โ€™ from you ๐Ÿ˜†

A crime thriller infused with copious amounts of humour, meet the LAZY LAD Sanjay Athraye. A lackadaisical Emraan, presumably numbed by the high-voltage drama in his professional life as an ace safe-cracker, is shown to prefer the TV over the Biwi at home! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

For all the years of kissing Emraan has clocked in, he comes across as highly impotent in the film! A particularly sharp tongue wondered aloud if this was the revenge of the Lovegods after all! ๐Ÿ˜€ Nothing can manage to arouse the lazy lad from his dazed stupor, not even Vidyaโ€™s raunchy manoeuvres in his eternal comfort zone, the bedroom. ๐Ÿ˜› So much for shouting from rooftops ki

Main Entertainment Hoon!

๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Next is the CRAZY AULAD, Neetu Athraye! ๐Ÿ˜€ Through her character of a feisty Punjaban fashionista, Vidya has avenged that dreary pinafored look she was stuck with in Kahaani. Her Playboyish ensembles can send Hefnerโ€™s bunnies scurrying to their holes…in shock, of course! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Bandi yeh BINDAAS hai, who doesnโ€™t even spare her ARSE of a SAAS for getting too PAAS! ๐Ÿ˜† Her culinary experiments can best be summed up as โ€˜akin to eating GHAASโ€™ ๐Ÿ˜† but you donโ€™t want to point that out! Why risk becoming a victim of her BHADAAS? ๐Ÿ˜†

Enter the CHADDI BADD(ies), Idris and Pandit. I got to see a lot more of these two than I bargained for! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ They storm into the couple’s cozy pad to claim their share of wads from a daring heist theyโ€™d committed a couple of months ago.

Executing the loot by donning very โ€˜realโ€™ masks of Amitabh, Dharmendra and Utpal Dutt was sheer genius! The audience was in splits!!! I thought what would take the scene a few notches higher would be Emraan wearing Kareenaโ€™s mask getting a crack at the โ€˜SAIFโ€™. Get it? ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† That would seriously crack me up! ๐Ÿ˜€

My noisy neighbor griped that the trio should have drawn inspiration from real-life vandals instead and worn masks of Sonia, Rahul and Manmohan Singh!!! ๐Ÿ˜› Oooh..that would have been Oooh La La! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Then starts the Bheja Fry. Oh, btw, this filmโ€™s pace is just as sluggish. Is Sanjay shrewdly pulling off a Ghajini on them? Or did he really get robbed of his memory in that terrible accident we never get to see shortly after the burglary? Is the wife naive or is she someone waiting to stab the others in the back with a knife?

The story begins running in circles, as many as those present on Emraanโ€™s polka-dotted red night suit!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Just do a RUN-CHAKKAR. Steer Clear!

BELOW: OMG! This poster shows you in 2 seconds what I saw for 2 whole frikkin’ hours!!!!

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Not entirely rubbish, this Special Chhabees!

Last when I checked, the sexiest con artist there is on this planet, needed just 13 men to help him pull off a daring heist.

Apna toh Bollywood hai where more is merrier. So our desi Looney ๐Ÿ˜› enlists the help of an entire OCEAN of men ๐Ÿ˜† 26 to be precise, none as delicious as their Hollywood counterparts, to be immortalized for executing Mumbai’s most daring daylight burglary.

Neeraj Pandey certainly is no believer of Christ and follower of Gandhi ๐Ÿ˜‰ An eye for an eye is more his style, evident when Naseer gives terrorists a dose of their own medicine in A Wednesday and Akki raids the coffers of the corrupt in Special 26. Since both issues are irksome to the aam aadmi and also the law and justice dispensing machinery abominable, no wonder there was plenty of taali bajaaoing and seethi maraaoing in the theater! ๐Ÿ˜†

Pandeyji has splendidly slipped back into time and the characters have effortlessly adopted the ‘look’ and mannerisms of the Eighties. The heists truly orgasmic ๐Ÿ˜› the performances stellar, the dialogues tongue-in-cheek, attention to the minutest of details brilliant…except maybe the haphazardly-painted green wall that had the herculean task of passing off as the Arabian Sea! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

The only real nit to pick is the love angle. You don’t always have to feel sorry for your lead appearing celibate on screen ๐Ÿ™„

SRK delivered possibly his career’s finest without a love interest in Chak De.

As is God’s style, Akshay managed the show single-handedly, with great aplomb, in OMG. Had they included ‘Gopis’ serenading him in every frame ๐Ÿ˜ฏ like they did in some of his highly forgettable flicks like Desi Boyz and Garam Masala ๐Ÿ™„ then that would count as a truly OMG! moment! ๐Ÿ˜€

Naseer didn’t need a mature lady friend like the Shabana Azmi types to propel his ingenious plan or to deliver a rousing speech on his behalf.

To cut a long story short, I don’t think Kajal Aggarwal belonged in Special 26…or anywhere else! ๐Ÿ˜€ Her ‘loud’ presence eclipsed even Bajirao Singham’s menacing roar ๐Ÿ˜† and even made ‘bhaji’ of his tremendous screen presence ๐Ÿ˜†

The climax of Special 26 was not hard-to-see coming, a trifle absurd too, but for once, the film’s strengths are plentiful and the flaws few. That alone makes it a decent one-time watch!

The man made us wait and wait hard. 4 years is a helluva lot of time to come up with an ‘inspired’ script. But sabar ka phal meetha tha isliye….

Pandey ke liye hum bajaayenge seethi, haan bajaayenge seethi ๐Ÿ˜‰