Of Chiknas and Chamelis

Usually, any moment is a good photo-op moment what with  our stars always perfectly groomed. Unlike the days of yore, when fashion disasters were as likely as getting pigeon poop on your head, the current breed of stars seem to be a wisened lot.

So,while they twinkle brightly even in the dead of night donning glamorous labels and flaunting perfect coiffures, there’s only but once when they shone blazingly, looking like a million bucks. Here’s when:

  1. Ranbir in Badtameez Dil

It took him 6 looooooong years to metamorphose from the sissyish clone of his mother that he used to be to THIS! I can’t put my finger on what makes him look so bloody badtameez here! 😘 Is it his ruffled,shorter crop or the badass ring in his ear or his crisply tailored suit….I could go on and on…sigh!

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2. Can’t really leave his exes behind now, can I? 😝 Deepika in Lungi Dance.

Dippy always makes our tribe feel like we ought to crawl under a rock. But looking the way she did here, we almost smashed that rock on our heads!

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3. Katrina in Everything! 😂 But she looks especially ghazab in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahaani.

Kat looks PHAT in EVERYTHING 😂…never mind the botox jabs and all! Pre-2010, there used to some meat on her bones and her face boasted of an angelic quality that the hypodermic pricklies took away. Have a look at her ethereal beauty.

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4. Hrithik in Tu Meri

The Adonis of Hindi Cinema can’t be faulted for his look in his entire repertoire of films, but it took a Bang Bang! for him to get his look Bang-On in my sight! 😍😘

A huuuuuge fan of Simon Baker, I’ve likened Hrithik’s avatar to the Mentalist himself ….if that ain’t a compliment, I don’t know what is! 😌

 

5. Preity Zinta in Dil Se…

Chubby cheeks, dimpled chin,

Rosy lips, Teeth Within,

Wavy hair, very fair

Eyes are true, lovely two

Preity Zinta is that you?

YES YES YES!!! 😁😁😁

Bollywood’s original dimpled-beauty has looked her best only at 2 times ..the first when she was a novice and the next when she was at the top of her game in Kal Ho Naa Ho and Salaam Namaste! Agree?

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6. SRK in Dear Zindagi

Like fine wine, the man’s gotten better with age😘…the histrionics, the stutter, and the sexy stubble too! 😜 KHAN the King get better than this?! 😝

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7. Aishwarya in Dil Dooba

Ash is a visual feast in every film she’s appeared. But that one look she totally rocked was that of a Latina with smouldering eyes, luscious curls and a scorching scarlet gown. Check it out

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Shame Shame Poppy Shame!

Six years ago, the towel fell off. But before us besharam ladkis could so much as glimpse the crack, damned Mr. SanjAYESTHETIC 🙄 Leela Bhansali made the screen go BLACK! 😆

Six years later, Mr. Abhinav CRASSyap 😆 gets Ranbir to apologize suitably by flashing ‘The Crack’ in between spouting wisecracks 😛 I truly felt adequately compensated! 😉

Moving over to my impressions on Besharam. It really felt like a vendetta of sorts with almost everyone seeming desperate to prove a point. Mr. Kashyap, heading the pack, is intent on robbin’ the thunder from our desi ROBIN Hood 😛 Neetu Singh avenges the humiliation her real-life husband subjected her to. As Bulbul CHAUTALA, she publicly shames him for his erstwhile philandering and the resultant marital Gadbad GOTALAS! 😀 Ranbir is HAIR, THERE and EVERYWHERE. Hellbent on eradicating waxing altogether, RanBEER proudly displays his ‘MAN HAIR’! YEAAAAAHHHHH! Cheers to Man Hair! Park Avenue, you listening? 😆

Besharam really should have been titled JERRYAURTOM. It’s an abominable desi version of the evergreen cartoon series. Only here, the cat and mouse game is a huge shame. In keeping with the film’s title obviously! This film has no chance whatsoever of even standing outside the doors of Bollywood’s Hall of Fame!

Abhinav really should have planned this as a home video to pay tribute to the Kapoors instead of shamelessly hogging 3600 screens to torture the country along its length and breadth simultaneously. Pallavi Sharda ain’t made for the Bada PURDAH. The Kapoor trio buried the unsuspecting, and rather untalented, Australian import six feet DOWN UNDER and how! 😆 Pandit’s music reminds one of Anuradha Paudwal’s T-Series bhajans. Hurry Home! 😆

All in all, Rum Peeke Seh Gaye Hum Besharam. Hail Old Monk! 😆
Some advice from the wise sage. This one you must bunk! 😀

BELOW: ‘I hereby declare that Mr. Anil Kapoor has always been my biological father.’- RK. 😆 😆 😆
besharam2-aug1

aYAWN DUKHDARDji- Only a one-film wonder?

Itna gussa kyun aa raha hai
Tune scenes lift karke film mein milaya
Dugna gussa kyun chaa raha hai
Pehle se humne yeh sab kuch hai dekha

I shit you not! There’s so much Cut-Copy-Paste happening in Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani, it’s not even funny! 😀

Firstly, there’s the name ‘Naina’ lifted straight off from KHNH. As if gouging out the ‘nainas’ wasn’t enough, Ayan had to go rob even her dark-rimmed spectacles!!! 🙄

There’s also that classic DDLJ scene that had us all dying to kick Kajol’s rotund butt :lol:, only to make her run faster and hop aboard that life-changing train to Zurich. Looking at Miss Padukone’s looooooong strides, my giggly gal pals wondered aloud if our desi train that was budging along grudgingly had to do the catching up! 😆 😆 😆

If Aashiqui 2 symbolized Good Friday to Aditya Roy Kapoor’s fans, YJHD represents Easter! The beudah has risen back to life and how! Silly banter caused us to erupt into further noisy giggles. We agreed that he’d signed on YJHD purely because his co-star is named RUM BEER!!!! 😆 😆 😆

As if to placate all the feathers he might have ruffled, Ayaan resorts to blatant plagiarism from his own accomplished directorial debut, Wake Up Sid! 😯 sAYAANa, that’s what the lad is! 😉

I thought these lines from one of his songs fitting for the master plagiarist 😀

Aaj abhi maine tera boycott kar diya
Teri saari harqatein main toh note karu
Tujhe thaane mein le jaake main report karu
😆

He should have actually considered christening his second labour of love, ‘Wake Up Kids!’ His 21-year old kids are surprisingly quite slow on the uptake. For example, Dips, an aspiring doctor, is prejudiced enough to believe that babies can be born to one only after marriage! 😯 There goes KJo’s dream of fathering a biological child as a single parent!!! 😆 😆 😆

The scene expectedly elicited the wrath of a very liberal-minded friend, who was aghast at such regressive dialogues.”‘Made for the Youth by the Youth’ MY FOOT!” she grumbled. “More like, ‘Made for the Youth by a Ch*#t!’” she thundered. 😆 😆 😆

Moving over to the performances. Boasting of a stellar star cast, YJHD cannot be faulted in this particular department.

I’ve already touched upon Aditya Roy Kapoor’s DAARU…Oooops…SAARU act! 😀
From alleged Daayan to purported Lesbian, Kalki can rock it all! 😛

That there can never be smoke without fire is amply proven by the smoldering chemistry between the leads. These two aren’t done with each other, professionally and personally! All I could think of whenever they came on screen was, ‘Dude, go get a room!’ 😉

Here’s my proof 😉

deepika-padukone-ranbir-kapoor-keen-to-work-together-c976aa6e

But good acting + a mediocre story = a forgettable film. I was sorely disappointed that YJHD turned out to be nothing more than a glossy and glorified version of WUS! Only with a generous tadka of romance, bromance and dance! I expected so so so so so much more from Ayaan. Instead, all I could manage was A(big)YAWN! 😆

Here’s a link to the press conference. It’s so much more entertaining!

Dumb and Number!

Chhota B(heem) reportedly celebrated Diwali with added gusto this year. Bada bhoj jo chaati se utar gaya hai! Firstly, the world is finally convinced that Beti B is no clone of a certain Vivek Oberoi neither does she have ‘TIGER’ish features 😀

Secondly, joh hamesha Bol Bachchan kehlata tha with no substantial work to his repertoire, is suddenly in the news thanks to a crackling performance in, well, no prizes for guessing…BOL BACHCHAN!

So, our Gol Bachchan gifted a chhota Cooper to Beti B for Diwali! Not a tricycle, not a ride-on….directly a Mini Cooper!!! That’s the difference between us ordinary mortals and the Bachchans!

Anyway, a few Aryabhatts even noted that Miss Kaif’s black Audi and the newest baby in the Bachchan stable (not Aaradhya) share the same numbers on their license plates ….hence, they must be consulting the same astrologist.

2882….Innocent looking numbers, right? Then, the dormant Aryabhatt in me woke up, and guess what! 2882….does this sequence mean anything?

Think, Think…

Bolo Bolo…Tell Tell… 😉

I’m all ears ….

Awaiting patiently (stifling yawn)…

O, damn you! 😉

28th. September is the day a certain Mr. Kapoor was born in the year ‘82!!!

Ain’t KAT one shrewd cat after all! Certainly not as innocent as she looks when she bats those mascaraed lashes at us.

KAT ka motivation main samajh sakti hoon, still scratching my pretty head as to why Babyshek’s hankering after the same numerals….unless….
UNLESS….

Someone’s hoping for a Dostana 3 to happen with Ranbir playing one of the 3 happy and GAY stooges 😀

Below: The Cut-Copy-Paste- Numberplates

Aiming for the Big ‘O’

I watched Barfi for the second time last night since I was feeling quite left out in my opinion of it. The buzz is that it’s the best movie to have happened to the Indian film industry, and even LA land has caught a whiff of the frenzied whispers- hence the Academy Award nomination.

Like everyone else, I liked Barfi. It’s a good film. Sooooo much better than the painfully stupid flicks B-Town’s been inflicting on us for the past few months. Backed by solid performances, especially that of Priyanka’s, this film is almost perfect. Note that I’ve written ALMOST.

The plot borrows heavily from so many classics we’ve come to adore and characters whose nuances are their trademark. Can Barfi pass off as an Indian adaptation? Not for me! With such blatant plagiarism, I would think twice before letting it transcend boundaries. Imagine the lawsuits flying in Mr. Basu’s face once the jury has seen everything they’ve seen and heard before! Oscar team Barfi ko TOSS KARnewala hai 😉

This brilliantly-compiled comparison by Sputnik should rile you up, in case you still feel like you’re blessed that Barfi’s released during your lifetime. 😉

The Golden Lady ain’t coming home with this one! O(hhh)!!! Yessir, that’s the only ‘O’ Barfi’s gonna get! 😉

Indeed, Ranbir’s the bravest of them all!

It certainly wasn’t a case of love at first sight. Not even when he dropped his towel on me! …In the theatre, silly! 😉 Then came Bachna Ae Haseeno. Although everybody who comprised the fairer sex was swooning over his chocolate-boy looks, I felt quite safe from his charms. 🙂

Then came a gem of a movie. Sadly, it whizzed out of the theatres faster than a rocket! I’ve always felt this was a movie made well ahead of its time and all greats like this one have never quite earned the respect due to them in their era. So, well! But this was the turning point. Here is when I felt the youngest of the Kapoor lads was something and wouldn’t bring shame to such an illustrious family name.

I didn’t care much for Ajab Prem ki Ghajab Kahaani– too slapstick for me! And I skipped Rajneeti. I still don’t know why! (scratching head)

I must say I took an instant liking to the bleary-eyed, good-for-nothing Sid- who finally woke up to a middle-class life fraught with challenges and struggles, a life loaded with meaning where you can’t afford to take anything for granted.

And call me crazy, but I felt he had potential when I saw his first item number, ‘Tai Tai Fish’! Those tapori moves and killer expressions were, as Madhuri Dixit would say, PURRRFECT! 🙂

Then came Rockstar and he metamorphosed into the Janata’s Janardhan, the darling of the masses! OMG, this guy was seriously rocking it at the BO with each release! I read somewhere that his name means brave warrior. The adjective holds true for all his risky career choices too na? At least Aamir Khan thinks so. Here’s what he had to say about Ranbir.

And now, with Barfi, I’m beginning to think this guy competes with no one but himself and that’s how he ups the ante with each film. I won’t say anything about his performance, in keeping with the ‘tone’ of the movie. But go watch him sweeten your soul with a name just as sweet!

P.S. No, I still maintain my stance. He’s not supremely good-looking, just a regular-looking guy IMHO. But, I’d grab him in a jiffy for the pure talent he’s brimming with. I feel honoured to be around at a time when he’s in the movies. Each generation produces a few immortal gems that shine forever. Ranbir, Aamir,  and Vidya undoubtedly qualify for this honor from the film fraternity. More on this later.

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Image Courtesy: Dabboo Ratnani