I’m all for exhibitionists and their scorching PDA. Their antics are an elixir to my soul! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sunanda Tharoor (God bless her soul!) took away with her my fledgling interest in politics.

My interest in Bollywood too is slowly waning. The current crop of actors, with their politically-correct, well-rehearsed responses and their guarded stance, make me want to kill myself! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Thank God for Ranveer Singh! Just like Rakhi Sawant made the last decade so memorable for us, Ranveer Singh has taken it upon himself to up the ante in present times. Notice these two colorful personalities share the same initials. Coincidence eh? ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, the latest is that Ranveer Singh is still high on Ram Leela. Wonder why when it was his girlfriend who walked away with all the accolades! ๐Ÿ™„

Anyway, at Ahana Deol’s reception, our Desi Romeo and Juliet had suhaag raat more on their minds than the newly-wed couple themselves! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ According to onlookers, the concerned hosts rushed to Ranveer’s side thinking lahu muh lag gaya till they discovered lover’s muh lag gaya!!! ๐Ÿ˜† Dippy, high time you invest in non-transferable lippies! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

After the kiss, a piss was in order. ๐Ÿ˜€ Gallant lover instantly dropped his plate to escort his Juliet to the Looliet….oops…Toilet. ๐Ÿ˜› I wonder what reason he might have given Dippy for chaperoning her. “Nahi, main bhi saath chaloonga. Mujhe banna hai LOO tera!!!” ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†


Abey, yeh kabaab mein haddi kahaan se aa gaya!

Lootera ne band kiya muh mera!

No, No. Shotgun didn’t pop up at the screening to boom out ‘KHAAMOSHHHH’ at me! ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m just amazed that cinema at its simplistic best, with minimal dialogue but heaps of an intoxicating old-world charm, could weave its magic on a chatter-box like me and render me speechless.

Ok, so, Ranveer falls off his bike and glares malevolently at SonHATHI. ๐Ÿ˜† He suspects the mini elephant and not her car is who tossed him into the ditch! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Thus begins Vikramadityaโ€™s second directorial outing, Lootera. A vintage romance set in the early 50s where India is not the only one whoโ€™s liberated herself ๐Ÿ˜› Thereโ€™s Sonakshi, the virginal daughter of a Zamindar in Manikpur, WB, whoโ€™s also mighty eager to liberate herself sexually with the charismatic stranger whoโ€™s stormed into their lives.

Itโ€™s all done in a nice way, though. Not wantonly…remember Vidya Balan in Parineeta? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ There was something so pure about their gentle lip-lock and when the leads consummated their relationship just as tenderly, it was nothing short of orgasmic! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Painting by day and panting at night! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Alas! Ranveer ditches Sonakshi at the altar! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ No wonder the ladies are still against Dicky Ball! ๐Ÿ˜† But what I suspect happened here is he broke a bone or two when the heavyweight champion wrestled him in bed! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† He limps out of the plot having stolen what heโ€™d come for. He also inadvertently robs Sonakshi of her capability to love and to live.

The apparent callousness of his gesture proves to be too much for her old father. He’s next in line to desert her by departing for a world that knows no deceit. To complicate matters, thereโ€™s a debilitating illness racking Sona’s violated body,but strangely, she feels no pain. Sheโ€™s survived the worst pain of them all. That which arises out of having your heart broken! The clock is ticking and the warm glow of life is seeping out of her soul, slowly and steadily.

Overnight, the vivid hues of zestful Bengal become overwhelming โ€“ the azure lakes, the verdant forests, the golden fields, the dusty gullis. Life has been stripped of all colour. Now all that appeals to the defunct painter within is the starkness of Dalhousie. A La Jab We Met!

I might be digressing but the characters of Pakhi and Geet are almost like mirror images of each other. Both women child-like, both spurned in love, both scurry to the Himalayan foothills hoping to vanish into oblivion, both opt for a drab life as if to punish themselves for being jolly and vibrant earlier, both render gut-wrenching performances that make the audience root for them…..

Anyway, Dalhousie has been captured in the throes of winter, the stark white perfectly exposing Sona’s colorless existence. Sheโ€™s working on a book, something to keep her busy in the last days. Like Johnsy in Oโ€™Henry The Last Leaf, she is painfully aware of the leaves that are fast disappearing and before the last leaf follows suit, she must achieve the very last goal of her life.

By a quirky twist of fate, a year later, the last person she’d like to see makes an unexpected reappearance and topples the apple cart one more time. Will the con artist turn into a master artist? Can he go out of his comfort zone to deceive a pro like her by painting a very believable likeness of the last leaf? That leaf that braves all odds so that she too will derive enough hope and a zest for life to follow suit. Can he make adequate amends in the life of the woman he faulted so gravely? This sets the course for the remainder of the story.

Coming over to the acting. I found Ranveerโ€™s performance to be quite stilted. If youโ€™ve watched how unrestrained he was in Band Baaja Baaraat, youโ€™ll know just how inhibited he seemed in Ladies V/s Ricky Bahl. And that was a role he could have had so much fun with!

Sonakshi is first-rate as Pakhi. Heeding her fatherโ€™s advice, sheโ€™s stayed โ€˜Khamossshhhhโ€™ through most of the film. The strategy seems to have paid off as her silences have conveyed so much more meaning to the proceedings. I loved the vulnerability she exposed when she begs Ranveer to profess just a little love for her in return, when she pleads with him to meet her..achcha aaj nahi toh kal??? Accha toh phir parso??? For a woman of her time to disregard her dignity so is a big deal and it tugged at my heartstrings. This is Sonakshiโ€™s film all the way. It really should have been named Looteran! This woman steals your breath away…and your heart…that effortlessly!

As for the cinematography, I have just two words for it. Top-notch! Lootera is to films what The Last Leaf is to prose! If that ainโ€™t a compliment, I donโ€™t know what is! It truly is one of the few poignant love stories that offers complete closure thereby satiating you fully. Watch it if youโ€™ve ever experienced love in its truest form…or even if you havenโ€™t!

BELOW: When life robs of you of everything worth living for, there’s still hope to see you through!


Stupid Cupid- Part I

Being an ardent V-Day hater, Iโ€™ve always thought Cupid to be the most overrated of the Love Gods. Having witnessed the most absurd of B-town pairings in recent months, I now pronounce him daft! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thereโ€™s one particular jodi thatโ€™s guaranteed to make your maatha fodi. There couldnโ€™t be a better example of the perfect antithesis. Sheโ€™s all politically correct and demure, heโ€™s brash and immature. While her Goddess-like look makes eyes pop, heโ€™s the proverbial dork, struts like a noisy cock and his talks make you balk. Many believe she has the best arse in the industry and the worst arsehole for a boyfriend from the industry! ๐Ÿ˜†

Meet B-Town’s official clown, the one and only, Ranveer Singh! (drumrolls)


Circa 2010. I was genuinely excited when the trailer of Band Baaja Baraat hit the tube for the first time. The impish hero of the film seemed so in the skin of his character and was so effortlessly natural, I confess to being momentarily blinded by the brightest star on the horizon. But it took one chat show with KJo and I could stand him no more!

Like Iโ€™ve stated earlier, โ€˜immatureโ€™ screamed and leapt out at me the moment the man opened his mouth. It was evident Ranveer Singh brags more than he shags ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† He said something to the effect of Kareena visiting his adda and stripping him of his boyhood!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ No wonder Saif landed in the hospital right around that time with cardiac complaints! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Anyway, getting back to the show, as her retarded boyfriend kept maaraaoing fataakris, a jubilant Anushka was bursting celebratory fataakris (in her mind). She now had the full sympathy and support of the entire nation in her grand plans to ditch her conceited boyfriend.

Karan, on the other hand, who was happily munching away, nearly choked on his cookie! He was so convulsed with laughter by the sheer hilarity of the statement, I think a little bit of pee came out! ๐Ÿ˜› Before the show got rechristened โ€˜Cough-Pee with Karanโ€™, a strategically-timed ad break thankfully prevented the inevitable from happening! ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

Who advertises their stupidity so blatantly on national TV? Speaking of national, a hilarious episode comes to mind involving an immigrant relation from the husbandโ€™s side whoโ€™d settled down in Holland and was hopelessly in love with his new home. So much so that he had to deride everyone and everything from the place heโ€™d come to holiday at. Excerpts from the boastful conversation:

(At Spinneyโ€™s, one of the more upscale supermarket chains in Dubai)
Me: (checking the price tag on an exquisite Christmas tree) Wow!!! (pun intended)
He: Arre, yahaan green tree milta hai? Mere Holland mein na safed trees bikte hain.
Me: ๐Ÿ™„ (pretending to be stunned) Haan?!? Wow! Badiya hai!!! ๐Ÿ™„
Me: (inwardly grimacing) Registan mein kabhi barf girta hai kya, dodo? ๐Ÿ˜†

Me: (picking up a loaf of bread)
He: Arre, yahaan Dubai mein aisa saadha slice bread milta hai? Mere Holland mein na Pain milta hai!
Me: (wondering) Is he talking about himself???? Me quips surreptitiously ๐Ÿ˜€

A friend tagging around covertly and clearly eavesdropping wanted to know, โ€œYeh Hole-Lund Hole-Lund kya bake jaa raha tha!!!โ€

ROFL ROFL ROFL ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†


Anyway (wiping off a tear) there should be a law in place that warns, ‘BOAST AND YOU’RE TOAST!’

Till that happens, Ranveer would have lost Deepika who, much like a shuttlecock, seems happy to be shuttling between two cocks with similar-sounding names ๐Ÿ˜†