Shame Shame Poppy Shame!

Six years ago, the towel fell off. But before us besharam ladkis could so much as glimpse the crack, damned Mr. SanjAYESTHETIC 🙄 Leela Bhansali made the screen go BLACK! 😆

Six years later, Mr. Abhinav CRASSyap 😆 gets Ranbir to apologize suitably by flashing ‘The Crack’ in between spouting wisecracks 😛 I truly felt adequately compensated! 😉

Moving over to my impressions on Besharam. It really felt like a vendetta of sorts with almost everyone seeming desperate to prove a point. Mr. Kashyap, heading the pack, is intent on robbin’ the thunder from our desi ROBIN Hood 😛 Neetu Singh avenges the humiliation her real-life husband subjected her to. As Bulbul CHAUTALA, she publicly shames him for his erstwhile philandering and the resultant marital Gadbad GOTALAS! 😀 Ranbir is HAIR, THERE and EVERYWHERE. Hellbent on eradicating waxing altogether, RanBEER proudly displays his ‘MAN HAIR’! YEAAAAAHHHHH! Cheers to Man Hair! Park Avenue, you listening? 😆

Besharam really should have been titled JERRYAURTOM. It’s an abominable desi version of the evergreen cartoon series. Only here, the cat and mouse game is a huge shame. In keeping with the film’s title obviously! This film has no chance whatsoever of even standing outside the doors of Bollywood’s Hall of Fame!

Abhinav really should have planned this as a home video to pay tribute to the Kapoors instead of shamelessly hogging 3600 screens to torture the country along its length and breadth simultaneously. Pallavi Sharda ain’t made for the Bada PURDAH. The Kapoor trio buried the unsuspecting, and rather untalented, Australian import six feet DOWN UNDER and how! 😆 Pandit’s music reminds one of Anuradha Paudwal’s T-Series bhajans. Hurry Home! 😆

All in all, Rum Peeke Seh Gaye Hum Besharam. Hail Old Monk! 😆
Some advice from the wise sage. This one you must bunk! 😀

BELOW: ‘I hereby declare that Mr. Anil Kapoor has always been my biological father.’- RK. 😆 😆 😆
besharam2-aug1

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The Flying Sheekh!

Isn’t it ironic that my review on a film dealing with speed should come crawling almost a week after its release? 😯
The weekend saw me holed up at home for fear of getting bombed up, what with it marking the anniversary of one of many terror attacks that have rocked Mumbai in the recent past. Little did I know that catching Bhaag Milkha Bhaag would accomplish the same result. That film just blew my mind!

‘Bhaag Milkha Bhaag’ is an exhortation to our protagonist at crucial, defining moments in his life. It assumes the form of a guttural cry from a dying father to escape from the clutches of murderous zealots active at work during India’s Partition. The same sentence later transforms into a fervent prayer slipping past the lips of his coach at the Olympics Finals held in Rome. So quite a symbolic title that!

Anyway, the film opens with the said race. Everyone’s heard of the adage ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do.’ I’m sure Milkha Singh must have too. Being a distant relative of Santa Banta, he must have presumed that all they do is roam! 😆 SPOILERS AHEAD.

So roam he did! Instead of scrambling to achieve glory, our man began ambling away to glory! 😆 He bagged fourth place. To him it was life’s biggest disgrace.

The root cause of his dismal performance can be traced to the 1956 Olympics held in Melbourne. The voluptuous granddaughter of the Aussie coach must have hollered “Howdy mate?” and Milkha Singh must have interpreted the friendly greeting as “Let’s go mate!” 😆 It was evident we’d lost Milkha Singh cuz all I could see was MilKissing! 😆 Needless to say, India went Down Under in the races! 😆

I honestly don’t know how much of this biopic is fact and how much fiction. It seems rather incredible that the real Milkha Singh would have boasted so blatantly about his international conquests (albeit of a different kind!) 😛

The film ends with Milkha learning to slow down, to wrestle the demons that have been chasing him all his life and ending on a high- with a glorious nickname coined by a Pakistani at that!

With a run time of 3 hours and 10 minutes, the film is anything but racy! 😉 I shudder to think how much longer it’d be if the word ‘Bhaag’ wasn’t a significant part of its title! 😮

Watch this movie only for Farhan Akhtar. He’s as luscious as that juicy piece of sheekh! 😛 F&@#ing Hot with a capital F!

The performance he pitches in is the performance of a lifetime! He’s gotten so into the skin of his character, I’m sure he must be having trouble reverting to the Totla Akhtar he used to be! 😀

Sonam seems to be the new Sonakshi. A lucky mascot to propel a movie into the coveted 100-crore club. Anybody, absolutely anybody could have essayed her Biro. Even someone like Poonam (Pandey) who has a penchant for virile sportsmen. 😛 Come to think of it, maybe if she was around during the landmark finals and had promised to strip if he won, I bet my bottom dollar Milkha would not trip! 😆 😆

Uff, the confidence! I'm lovin' it!!! ;-)

Uff, the confidence! I’m lovin’ it!!! 😉

From Talaash to Goulash

They first attributed the delay in release owing to similarities with Sujoy Ghosh’s masterpiece, Kahaani. Then they insinuated that its plot borrows heavily from ‘Anniyan’, a 2005 Tamil blockbuster and from the grim 2010 Di Caprio starrer ‘Shutter Island’.
And all this while Aamir and his team kept mum. After all, any publicity is good publicity, right?

I can safely certify that Talaash is nothing like any of the flicks cited above. If anything, it’s far more superlative in terms of performances.

Aamir gets into the skin of his character- a tormented soul trying to exorcise his demons by diving headlong into his work. Another stellar job, yet another feather in his cap.

Rani is a breath of clean, fresh air- a clean look, and a clean act, consolidating her position as the Queen of Bollywood.

Kareena is lethal- right from the provocative swaying of her hips to her killer histrionics.

Nawazuddin Siddiqui, the brash, unapologetic special agent in Kahaani does a complete U-Turn as a shady, limping pimp. And if the jury left it to me, he’d be the one getting all the accolades from amongst this bunch of supremely talented actors.

But alas! An actor is only as good as the script and while Talaash is majorly a slow-paced, brilliantly constructed film, its climax was an unappetizing goulash (mish-mash) of sorts.

Without giving the suspense away, I thought it was the desi version of an acclaimed Hollywood psychological thriller that gave us all goosebumps in the last millennium. And another supernatural/horror flick that the Bhatt camp has been milking dry for the last decade or so.

I was reminded of the great fear that consumed me prior to entering the Haunted House at Essel World…the cold sweat trickling down my back…the sudden rush of adrenaline…and I don’t even want to elaborate on how I felt when I was back out in the sunlight!

Talaash’s twist is that nonsensical, that infuriating and THAT big a letdown! It might have been better to share Kahaani’s climax and end on a sensible note than reshoot it in a panic on a half-baked idea!

And here’s what stumps me. A man with as strong a business acumen as AK would want to co-produce a flaccid Talaash!? Not 3 Idiots, not even Ghajini, but this!?

There’s a method to his madness, everyone close to him insists. Still on the talaash for that!!! 😆

BELOW: Nothing can describe angst and the general tone of the movie better than this still.

rani-photo-clicked-during-acting-talaash