Screw Dheela!

The debacle of Saawariya has indeed made the man a Baawariya! ๐Ÿ˜€ Who plants peacocks in the Rann of Kutch? ๐Ÿ˜ฏ True, Mr. SanjAESTHETIC Bhansali has a penchant for making every frame a visual treat, but peacocks in the middle of a stark desert?!? Really?!?

Furthermore, Bhansali has taken every conceivable liberty there is in his adaptation of Shakespeare’s classic. Now, don’t spill your coffee, but our desi RAMeo ekes out his living by running a…ahem… blue-film lending library!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ in the Raand of….oops Rann of Kutch! ๐Ÿ˜›

Leela, on the other hand, is easily the most wanton Juliet I have EVER seen! She just pounces on Ram and literally chews his lips off the FIRST time she sets eyes on him!!! Guys, any of you remember Claire Danes??? How innocent she seemed in every frame? How tentative and ‘sweet’ her kisses were? Leela seems like a pro(stitute) ๐Ÿ˜† in comparison. She caresses Ram’s butt and even makes out with him in his Hall of Shame! I thought she was trying to outperform every one of those girls in Ram’s disc collection. ๐Ÿ˜› Bhansali really should’ve roped in Sunny Leone to play Leela. The woman has the requisite expertise to pull off the raunchiness more convincingly and would have cut production costs considerably. ๐Ÿ˜†

SLB, in the future, must also remember to remunerate his dialogue writers more handsomely else there’s always the risk of his magnum opus passing off as a crude David Dhawan-esque sexfest. Leela actually quizzes Ram about ‘his size!’ ๐Ÿ˜ฏ No matter how horny one might be feeling, who in this day and age mouths lines like, ‘Green angoor aur peela kela!’ ๐Ÿ˜† Sheesh! Looks like Bhansali is desperate to get Ram’s lending library to circulate his semi-porn flick after all!

BELOW: Hey Ram!



Thook Re!

Although Iโ€™m all for bromances on the big screen, I really think filmmakers should now give this premise a rest. Iโ€™m terribly bored of tasting the same old wine packed in a new bottle for the last 12 years and counting! Wine gets better with age, they say. That doesnโ€™t hold true here though. My whines seem to be getting better with age! ๐Ÿ˜†

So, Fukrey is not about F*#@ing as misinterpreted by the very disappointed youth filing out of the theatre way before the interval ๐Ÿ˜› Itโ€™s about being cheap, thinking cheap and doing cheap. The four protagonists are a bunch of aimless adolescent Dilliwala-velas whose khwaabs ironically reflect expensive tastes- kabaabs, sharaabs and shabaabs. Grand dreams of living the good life whiz about in their heads like rockets when there is not a phooti kaudi in their pockets ๐Ÿ˜€

Perpetually in wonderland, they remind me of Alice (not referring to the Who the F*#@ one :razz:, though it might seem apt here :wink:) spiralling downwards into the gaping black Kuaa of Juaa, Dhuaan, Marijuaana et al. Three of the smart-asses strike gold each time they act out on the hunch of the fourth. Truly a Mad Three Party this! ๐Ÿ˜†

Alas, on one occasion the hunch fails! The dreamersโ€™ DONna, (the Punjaban financier who stands to gain the most by pimping :shock:… oops…. pumping in money ๐Ÿ˜€ at the behest of the lazy lads) Richa Chaddha, sees red and chases the foursome, ready to tear off their chaddis ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜†

The movie has to end and so blasting the fukreys’ fucked-up brains like a foghorn is the profound realization that there can never be a shortcut to success ๐Ÿ™„ Yehi samjhaane ke liye Farhan Akhtar ne do ghante ka yeh ghanta film banaaya?!? ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Isse toh achcha I could have read an Aesopโ€™s fable lasting all of five minutes…it would have been considerably lighter on my pocket too! After all, GOING CHEAP is the way to go! ๐Ÿ˜‰

BELOW: Thailand mein jo Tuk Tuk kehlaya jaata hai, India mein ‘Fuk Fuk’ ban gaya! ๐Ÿ˜†