Shame Shame Poppy Shame!

Six years ago, the towel fell off. But before us besharam ladkis could so much as glimpse the crack, damned Mr. SanjAYESTHETIC πŸ™„ Leela Bhansali made the screen go BLACK! πŸ˜†

Six years later, Mr. Abhinav CRASSyap πŸ˜† gets Ranbir to apologize suitably by flashing ‘The Crack’ in between spouting wisecracks πŸ˜› I truly felt adequately compensated! πŸ˜‰

Moving over to my impressions on Besharam. It really felt like a vendetta of sorts with almost everyone seeming desperate to prove a point. Mr. Kashyap, heading the pack, is intent on robbin’ the thunder from our desi ROBIN Hood πŸ˜› Neetu Singh avenges the humiliation her real-life husband subjected her to. As Bulbul CHAUTALA, she publicly shames him for his erstwhile philandering and the resultant marital Gadbad GOTALAS! πŸ˜€ Ranbir is HAIR, THERE and EVERYWHERE. Hellbent on eradicating waxing altogether, RanBEER proudly displays his ‘MAN HAIR’! YEAAAAAHHHHH! Cheers to Man Hair! Park Avenue, you listening? πŸ˜†

Besharam really should have been titled JERRYAURTOM. It’s an abominable desi version of the evergreen cartoon series. Only here, the cat and mouse game is a huge shame. In keeping with the film’s title obviously! This film has no chance whatsoever of even standing outside the doors of Bollywood’s Hall of Fame!

Abhinav really should have planned this as a home video to pay tribute to the Kapoors instead of shamelessly hogging 3600 screens to torture the country along its length and breadth simultaneously. Pallavi Sharda ain’t made for the Bada PURDAH. The Kapoor trio buried the unsuspecting, and rather untalented, Australian import six feet DOWN UNDER and how! πŸ˜† Pandit’s music reminds one of Anuradha Paudwal’s T-Series bhajans. Hurry Home! πŸ˜†

All in all, Rum Peeke Seh Gaye Hum Besharam. Hail Old Monk! πŸ˜†
Some advice from the wise sage. This one you must bunk! πŸ˜€

BELOW: ‘I hereby declare that Mr. Anil Kapoor has always been my biological father.’- RK. πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†
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Adult (e) Rated Romance!

It’s a good thing Bhaag Milkha Bhaag hit the screens when it did. Had its release clashed with that of Shuddh Desi Romance, we’d be scratching our heads as to which legend to be in awe of. Milkha Singh or milKISSing! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Bolting from his own shaadi ka mandap, Sushant Singh Rajput as Raghu is quite the Flying Sikh. But a flying kiss (to the hired baraati he’s lusting for) is something the Emraan Hashmi clone will simply not settle for. πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† Performing a tonsillectomy on her is more his style. πŸ˜› What follows are a load of chikni chupdi baatein aur kaafi saari suhaani suhaag raatein! πŸ˜‰

Raghu sung Gayatri (named rather aptly for she’s currently on Guy3 :lol:) begin living in (each other). Literally! πŸ˜›

Heck knows why the commitment-phobics decide to stamp their dubious relationship of din mein bhaiyya, raat ko saiyyan πŸ˜† with society’s seal of approval.

Wedding bells ring and jittery pre-wedding balls shrink! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† This time though, Gayatri pulls off a Runaway Bride on Raghu, inadvertently giving him a taste of his own medicine.

An aborted wedding once again is mind-bogglingly followed by a tantalizing suhaag raat, this time with Tara! 😯 I was sure Vaani had something up her sleeve and would prove herself to be a Shaani πŸ˜† by cleverly avenging the humiliation he caused her. Instead, she bowled us all a googly. Should I be saying Tara kya maara?

In a nutshell, I thought SDR is an extremely confusing coming-of-age film with equally confused protagonists. It’s a little hard to digest that people who are absolutely certain in their heads that the time-tested formula of marriage ain’t their cup of tea are actually shown to be hankering after the same damned institution, if only to propel the story forward.

I thought the film would be as tantalizing to the senses as Shuddh Desi Ghee. Who knew I was signing up for Shuddh Desi Khichdi? πŸ˜‰

BELOW: This film should have been titled ‘Besharam’!!!

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Clone Aunty Clone!

So, I was channel-flipping last evening and came to pause on Zee Cinema. Had I not, I’d never have stumbled onto one of the biggest cons in B-town history!

Ok, so getting to the point, there was a portly Rishi kAPPUr :lol:, doing his best to catch up to the sound of ghungrus and a white sari-clad figure who was actually ambling away πŸ˜€ in an eerie, foggy forest. Now I love such amateurish productions from the eighties. Ghoulish make-up, shoddy direction, OTT acting, loud music (pun intended!), laughable plots et al.

A tale of reincarnation, Rishi-I, a forest ranger by profession, loses his life and wife (well, Chanda was to become his bride soon) to a bunch of lustful goons. Rishi-II, a slick city-bred architect, lands up at the same place years later to take the story forward. So far so good. Nothing to rouse my suspicion that this is a seen there, borne that kind of a film πŸ˜†

Suddenly, a cavernous haveli comes into the frame and a massive ‘jhumar’ swings outta nowhere towards my unsuspecting face. Down, down, still lower and CRASH! The crystal monstrosity smothers and electrocutes the baddies.

At this point, I felt as befuddled as our protagonist. A powerful wave of deja vu rocked me. Where had I seen this ridiculous climax before? Where? Where? An ad break came and I was still scratching my head when the extremely catchy ‘Jumpin Japang Jumpak Jumpak’ cut through my thoughts.

And then I saw her! Farah CON! πŸ˜† That totli auntyji who’d cut-copied the climax of a film no one was ever likely to watch and pasted it into her over-hyped OSO. While she has credited the much-watched and loved Madhumati for inspiring her, she hasn’t said a word about lifting entire scenes from Janam Janam, probably out of sharam sharam πŸ˜†

Clearly, she took her punchline a tad too seriously. “Sirf Dekhne Ka Nahi…Lift bhi karneka!” πŸ˜€

Heaven knows why Rishi Kapoor hasn’t let the cat out of the bag yet! Either he’s forgotten he acted in OSO’s predecessor- Janam Janam is that forgettable a film! πŸ˜† Or he was too busy nervously chewing on his fingernails- Saawariya released the same day as OSO! πŸ˜›

Anyway, all’s well that ends well. Farah got what she deserved with Tees People, me included, lining up to Maarao Khan (her) when that dudfest Tees Maar Khan released! πŸ˜†

BELOW: Hai La! 😯 She hasn’t even spared iconic Mads here! πŸ™„

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To Cut A Long SOTY Chhoti

So, I wanted to catch SOTY the other day. This, despite knowing more about the film than probably KJo himself! πŸ˜€
But, man, did this movie whizz out of the theatres faster than a Diwali rocket or what???!!!! Not a SINGLE screen ANYWHERE in Mumbai dedicated to KJo’s Bollywoodish rendition of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire…why God, why???? πŸ˜‰
Our desi Ron and Harry have the license to hit on both Hermione and Ginny; the only difference being Ginny here has no brother…sheesh, what were you thinking??!! πŸ˜›
Unlike their videshi counterparts, our hari puttars possess absolutely drool-worthy bodies…Plus the Bhaaratiya Dumbledore is overtly gay…it certainly couldn’t get better than this!
Then there’s that annoying β€˜Anjali Anjali’, a KJo find from 14 years ago, who’s metamorphosed into one of the hottest female supporting actresses of the year. Not that I was dying to check her out! My husband was! πŸ˜€
Well, to cut a long SOTY short, the movie vanished out of the theaters faster than I could read its title! 😦

BELOW: Poster of the Year! Kudos to Jo for crunching in more alphabets than faces in such a tiny space.