The Ultimate KUTTI Party

As I sat watching Entertainment, I couldn’t help thinking Vidya has some serious competition from a ‘Baal’an of the canine kind πŸ˜† Sajid-Farhad’s latest is testament enough that Filmein bas teen cheezon se chalti hain. Entertainment, Entertainment aur Entertainment. Amen! πŸ˜‰

Critics might be hell-bent on shoving the Golden Kela down the Golden Retriever’s throat but honestly, just like the shade of his lush coat, he simply is the brightest spot in the film.

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Akshay who plays Akhil Lokhande really should have been named ‘Nakal’ POORkhande πŸ˜† He’s spoofing fat guys on a Teleshopping Channel. Think the former Adnan Sami types, replete with 36B boobs and all! He even tempts a baby to latch on!!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† He also masquerades as an umpire in a Borivali-Dombivali league match πŸ˜† and shows the players the finger one too many times just so that he can quickly escape and make it in time for that date.

His girlfriend, Saakshi, the over-enthusiastic soapstress, is dubbed Balaji ki Chulbullu. It’s a good thing she didn’t approach Kapil for a part. Acting chops as hammy as hers, he’d be sure to give her a humongous Babaji ka Thullu! πŸ˜€

Chakravarthi acts like a CHAKRAMvarthi πŸ˜† The miserly father buys furniture with arm rests and other vital parts missing simply because they’re cheaper! 😯 Here too, he’s in full DID mode. DIE IN DARKNESS! πŸ˜† He makes do with candlelight just so that others don’t discover the flaws and poke fun at his FUNiture. ROFL! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† He refuses to give his daughter’s hand in marriage to Akhil POORkhande.

As luck would have it, Akhil’s the DNA of Pannalal Johri, Bangkok’s noted diamond merchant, DNA being Daddy’s Naajayaz Aulaad! 😯 Johri dies, leaving behind an empire worth 3000 crores. Off trots Akhil to the land of tuk tuks to lead a life of sukh sukhs. Alas! In store lie only dukh dukhs. For the oldie bequeathed his estate to someone who does buk buks! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† Slumdog millionaire indeed! πŸ˜†

In walks Akhil’s bestie, Jugnu, a DVD peddler who talks filmy. Sample this. ‘Akhil, yaar mujhe pata hai ki tera khoon Danny BOYLE ho raha hai. Tujhe agar apna future hrithik ROSHAN chahiye, toh TIGER shroff ban, ajay devGUN nikaal aur us kameene kutte KO MAAR mere Akshay Kumar!!!’ The two invest in a book describing (hilarious) methods to do away with the dog but it’s fun watching Entertainment turn the tables on the duo.

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One chapter’s titled Seduction and they almost succeed in getting the dog to elope with a rather brazen bitch. But curiosity gets the better of them and tempts them to follow the dogs deep into the woods. One misstep has Akhil slipping off the branch of a tree and landing headfirst into a hollow log. I almost peed laughing when Jugnu leaned against the same log, crying his eyes out at the failure of finding his lost friend! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Johnny Lever, as Johri’s loyal lawyer, is first rate. Named Habibullah, he’s rather touchy about anyone getting his name wrong. So you can imagine when he glides into the frame in a gondola at night hoping to scare the goons and they mistake him for and call him GORILLA, he almost gives himself away trying to correct the error. ROFL! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Another brilliant moment is towards the climax when Jugnu and Habibullah chance upon a set of knives and decide to strike the goons with them. But Jugnu’s faulty aim sees the knives flying in reverse and lodging themselves in Habibullah! Numbed with pain and shock, Habibullah stumbles jerkily into the street and peddles the knives. ‘Lelo bhai lelo, dus mein lelo. Pandhra mein lelo’ ROFL! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

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If you can forgive the frenzied Priyadarshan-style ending, where everyone is hitting everyone, the yawn-inducing villains, and some slapstick comic moments like a dog biting the villain’s crotch, you just might end up with this one in your collection like me.

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The Korean CHORean!

Given the rate at which the Suris and Bhatts of this world ‘MURDER’ unsuspecting Korean flicks- Coincidence they have a ‘Murder’ franchise?! πŸ˜† I wouldn’t be surprised if our chinky-eyed brethren decide to stick churis up their butts! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

This time around, the Korean CHORean πŸ˜† has rifled through his humongous South-East-Asian DVD collection yet again! In the process of toning down the gore, the Cut-Copy-Paste specialist has transformed a classic into an absolute bore! Ek Villain is pure tripe- terribly watered-down and pathetically farcical!

A look at the main characters:

Shraddha Kaoor as Ayesha. However, looking at her antics, I think she was still playing Aarohi FIRKI πŸ˜†

Sid MalHOTra as Guru. Way to go boy! From Student of the Year less than two years ago to Guru! Impressive!!! πŸ˜†

Riteish Deshmukh as Rakesh/ Rakshas Mahadkar

Aamna Sharif– Biwi kam, greedy zyaada. Not so sharif after all! πŸ˜‰

Let’s start with the girl I love to hate! πŸ˜‰ You didn’t think you could steal ARK from me and earn bouquets too, eh Shraddha? πŸ˜›

Scene 1: At Aarohi Shirke aka Aayesha’s adda.

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Yaaaaaaaaaa….Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! AAAOOOOOOOOOOOOch!!!! πŸ˜‰

Looks like it indeed was a good screw! πŸ˜› πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Scene 2: In the Mahadkars’ kholi.

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Scene 3: Rakesh with the ultimate misogynist Kamaal R Khan at the pool.

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Scene 4: Guru moping at home.

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Scene 5: Now Guru miraculously chances upon Rakesh’s son in a church, telltale chakri in tow.

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Scene 6: Guru tails the cheeky lad who leads him (inadvertently) to his father. Each time Rakesh descends on his prey, Guru gets in the way.

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Scene 7: Frustrated, Rakesh tries to seek solace in a dance bar.

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In his drunken stupor, Rakesh is unaware that Guru shoves a GPS tracker up his arse. The graphics are a little too vivid for me to post them up here! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜†

Scene 8: Later, that night at the Mahadkar residence. Mrs. Mahadkar rustles up an explosive dish. Daliya garnished liberally with Farty Aaloos. (humming softly) Meri daliya, daliya meri daliya, tujhe tadpaaye daliya meri daliya πŸ˜† πŸ˜€ πŸ˜†

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The next morning, the tracker flew with a great velocity… and landed close to where Rakesh PAADHkar was squatting! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

On the railway tracks, of course!!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

A sequel awaits! 😯