Senile Express

Rahul. Naam to suna hi hoga.

At precisely that moment, someone’s audacious cellphone chose to break into profanity.

Ae ya bagga, dont yap okay
one bloody kaanpat you’ll get na you’ll see stars in the day man
your bloody grandfathers aulaas

😯 😯 😆 😆 😆

Clearly, with an irreverent reply like that, King Khan’s thunder had been stolen! 😆 😆 😆

The audience in the theatre was undecided whether to laugh like jackasses at the sheer hilarity of the faux-pas or to chastise the cowering patron with a severe display of shocked outrageousness. Me…I’d slumped to the floor, rolling in mirth. That was the first time.

The second time, my brains dropped to the floor. Chennai Express had me floored. Oh no, I didn’t mean that in a good way! 😀 The blatant inanity of Rohit Shitty’s 😆 latest derailed my mind. A mindless spoof on films SRK and Rohit Shetty have been associated with in the past, this caricaturish film is essentially a dig at their individual bodies of work.

So, check it out. There’s a senile 40-year-old Rahul who prefers to party instead of heading to Rameshwaram to float his grandfather’s asthi!!! 😯 In retrospect, he really should have gone to the land of feni and given us the worth of our ticket money! 😉 Goa, after all, is Rohit Shetty’s forte.

But here is our man escorting a fully-clad village belle flanked on all sides by Raavanaa-type bails! 😆 😆 😆 The Southie hottie spouts an accent thicker than both her oiled plaits put together and multiplied by four! 😆

Punjabi munda turns into a roguish gunda. The sandook is temporarily forgotten for the bandook. Mr. Koyla (didn’t he act in a shitfest by the same name???) transforms into Mr. Koyta! 😆 His koyta is indeed magical! 😛 It uproots a moving vehicle in one go!!! 😯 I’ve been wielding the koyta for ages now and I can’t even manage to crack open a coconut without chipping the tiles on my kitchen floor 😀 So Sickle-ling! 😆

I must mention this one stomach-churning, gravity (and logic) defying fight sequence where SRK spits his gum on a frighteningly black, sweaty-faced, thug’s cheek. The impact of the collision sets him off like a rocket 😯 but not before the chewing gum, as if it sprouted wings, flies right back into SRK’s mouth!!! 😮

By jove, even RajiniCAN’t do something as outlandish as this!!! 😆 😆 😆 I’m sure the thug was trying to say ‘Wannakum’ and SRK misinterpreted it as ‘Wantyourgum’!!! 😆 😆 😆

SRK is supposed to battle Meenamma’s suitor named…now, get this! THONGBALL!!! 😯 😛 😉 😀 😆

There’s a lot of Tamil flying all over the place…more than even all the Bakaasura-type goons that SRK launches into outer space with his lethal stunts! 😀 The only good that can come out of watching CE is it will help a novice learn Tamil…without the aid of Rapidex!!! 😆 😆 😆

BELOW: Ready, Steady, (brains fall to the) FLOOR!!! 😆

13jul_ChennaiExpress-MusicReview

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Dumb and Number!

Chhota B(heem) reportedly celebrated Diwali with added gusto this year. Bada bhoj jo chaati se utar gaya hai! Firstly, the world is finally convinced that Beti B is no clone of a certain Vivek Oberoi neither does she have ‘TIGER’ish features 😀

Secondly, joh hamesha Bol Bachchan kehlata tha with no substantial work to his repertoire, is suddenly in the news thanks to a crackling performance in, well, no prizes for guessing…BOL BACHCHAN!

So, our Gol Bachchan gifted a chhota Cooper to Beti B for Diwali! Not a tricycle, not a ride-on….directly a Mini Cooper!!! That’s the difference between us ordinary mortals and the Bachchans!

Anyway, a few Aryabhatts even noted that Miss Kaif’s black Audi and the newest baby in the Bachchan stable (not Aaradhya) share the same numbers on their license plates ….hence, they must be consulting the same astrologist.

2882….Innocent looking numbers, right? Then, the dormant Aryabhatt in me woke up, and guess what! 2882….does this sequence mean anything?

Think, Think…

Bolo Bolo…Tell Tell… 😉

I’m all ears ….

Awaiting patiently (stifling yawn)…

O, damn you! 😉

28th. September is the day a certain Mr. Kapoor was born in the year ‘82!!!

Ain’t KAT one shrewd cat after all! Certainly not as innocent as she looks when she bats those mascaraed lashes at us.

KAT ka motivation main samajh sakti hoon, still scratching my pretty head as to why Babyshek’s hankering after the same numerals….unless….
UNLESS….

Someone’s hoping for a Dostana 3 to happen with Ranbir playing one of the 3 happy and GAY stooges 😀

Below: The Cut-Copy-Paste- Numberplates

Ton of Sardar(d)!

Wow! It’s been ages since a much-hyped Bolly flick with an A-list star cast made me scramble for my migraine pills! SOS is THAT bad!!!

Everything about this movie is sooooo pointless! Right from Ajay falling at Akshay Kumar’s feet for the title of the film to his unconvincing Sikh getup. I won’t even elaborate on Sonakshi’s stale look and wholesale hamming. And, not to forget, everything from the ridiculous family feud tearing up the lovers to Sanju Baba who looks like a bheegi billi…. Oops, Billu, 🙂 in this moronic saga after scaring the s••• outta us as Kancha 😉

Even the notice slapped on YRF for hogging single screens across the country seems like such a futile exercise, now that we know that SOS is nothing more than a big, fat Diwali dud! Some put it down to pure bad karma, what with ADF losing the industry’s goodwill and all!

What was Ajay Devgn thinking, fighting tooth and nail, for more runs of SOS??? Make the whole nation rub its temples furiously instead of visiting our fabulously lit-up temples? 😛

Devgn should learn to stick to plain acting. Producing and direction aren’t his forte. Every movie he’s been associated with, in capacities other than acting, right from Raju Chacha in the last millennium 😀 to SOS, have been certified flops! When will he learn? Kadhi shiknaar re tu??? Satakli re, satakli! Aata maajhi satakli! 😀

Sorry yaar, Diwaali bekaar with Son of Sardar!

Sonu, hand that hot water bag to me, pleej 😉