Saw Shit, Khan!

Dear SaSHIT Khan, 😀

I Saw SHIT the other day 😆 and I’m PISSed! 😀 And no, it wasn’t a good Friday though it was! I wasn’t even close to thanking the Gods it was Friday!!! 🙄

After braving Himmatwala, I’m convinced you belong to the clan of non-competent directors. (READ Farah Con and Sheesh Bundar :lol:) That you hail from the same retarded family only adds more credence to my statement!

I won’t delve on the plot 😯 (any review normally demands this!!!) It requires real himmat to recap details of THE masterpiece of 2013!

Coming over to my thoughts on the film.

1. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the biggest bum of them all? Mirror: Obviously yaar, SaSHIT Khan! 😆 Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the biggest bum of them all? Mirror: Satakli re satakli, aata maajhi satakli… 😆 Again, Sajid!! 😀

Now you know who deserves the bum pe laat! But why Bum Pe Laat??? Did Gaand Pe Laat sound less sophisticated than the rest of your crapfest? 🙄

2. BAAGH-BAN: The ‘Save The Tiger’ campaign was conceived only because morons like your sister and yourself consistently use and repeatedly abuse the mighty beast in each of your highly forgettable flicks. You can be sure after watching the chronicles of the ‘Life of Ti’ in your flick 😀 Ang Lee’s gonna be very Ang ry! 😆

3. Why Himmatwala, you Dim-Mat(i)-wala? The 80s represent a terrible phase of Hindi cinema and Himmatwala-I is the most cringe-worthy film of that era. To put things in perspective, it’s like somebody remaking Aiyya 20 years hence!!! 😯

4. AJ=PJ!!!: It’s bad enough you’ve reduced my favorite hero to a distasteful PJ! 😀 What’s even worse is that you’ve timed the release of this mahadud on the eve of your hero’s happy budday.

Sajid (on the way to Ajay’s party): ‘Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa, laaya, laaya, laaya’…
Sajid (on his way back): ‘Laafa, laafa, laafa, paaya paaya, paaya’ :lol 😆 😆

Himmatwala makes Housefull2 look like an Oscar-winner! You get the idea, right? With all your might, resist the urge to watch this one!!!

BELOW: Oh, what’s the point in playing the blame game now? 🙄

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MUCH DULL-YEH!

OMG, Nach Baliye 5 is the mother of all borefests! I never thought I’d be badmouthing a show that had me enthralled in its first two seasons (for purely the performances) and the third season which had some high-voltage performances of another kind, thanks to our feisty Miss BRAwant!

Seeing Karan WAHIyaat compere was enough to bring my blood to a boil! Who can forget the pathetic advances made on Isha during JDJ, only to grope some gori chamdi behind Isha’s back! 😯

As if that wasn’t enough, the producers had to pair this moron with another idiot on screen to ensure all was happy and GAY 😀

I know Mrs. Kundra has just given birth and all, but she would do well to cover up that baby fat COMPLETELY. Plunging necklines ain’t gonna excite anybody now except lil Viaan 😀

Sajid should stick to staying behind the cam. That’s where he weaves his magic best. On screen, he looked dour and ghoulish. I’ve been trying to place why he looks so familiar all of yesterday and today and Eureka! Exactly like that ball of dough sitting in my fridge, all pinched up and ashen :mrgreen:

Terence is like a mad hatter…not because he’s mad or anything!…It’s his mad choice of hats and caps 😆 DID Little Masters might be impressed by his eclectic collection of accessories, but there’s no denying he still looks MAD! 😉

Moving over to the couples, there was a portly, middle-aged gentleman Shilpa likened to Govinda, whom I shudder to watch again, considering how the cellulite was jiggling in every direction imaginable! 😯

Then, there’s Archana’s on-screen brother Vinod, who I never dreamt could get anybody better than Manju. But boy, did he shock me or what by flaunting the original ‘thong’ girl… oops ‘thorn’ girl alias ‘Kaanta Laga’ girl, Shefali on his arm! 😎

Then there’s the original ‘BALL’ywood jodi- Shoaib and Sania, who I fervently hope are more graceful than the balls they hurl 😆

A mentally-challenged couple aside, there’s tin-soldier Naitik and his navya naveli dulhan, for whom I have just 3 words, “GET A ROOM!” 😈

Like every dark cloud has a silver lining, Nach Baliye 5 has its own too, in the form of Dimpy and her ‘Pimpy’. The trademark braying laugh should see the show through! 🙄