Not a Pankha of Tubelight

I just caught Tubelight and it was the most enlightening 3 hours of my life. I’ve concluded:

  1. Salman’s impressive Bajrangi had to be a fluke!
  2. Sohail’s impressive Bharat is certainly a fluke!! 😂😂

The two play out their real-life relationship on reel and it’s so sickeningly sweet, bhai’s fans could do without a helping of Sheer Korma on Eid! Director Kabir Khan really overdid the Cheeni in this one.. Pun intended!😝

Set against the backdrop of the Sino-Indian War of 1962, Sohail, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Mr. Bean, has to go fight the Cheen😂 I kid you not but the soldiers have been shown as actually ambling across enemy territory like one would in a park!😱 No wonder we lost! 😂Kabir Khan’s expertise lies in war films but the war montage here is laughable at best.

China prepares for a truce and sets up a Laxman Rekha, but how I wish they’d draw a Rekha for the real Laxman in the film! 😂 Salman really overstepped his boundary in the film! 😂😂Whatever glory was garnered in Bajrangi Bhaijaan, he’s given it up all without a fight (pun intended) in Tubelight. He does nothing that endears him to his pankhas. No mara mari, no shirtless savari 😂 Only his pravachan is jaari! 😂

Yakeen hamesha dil mein rakho, dushmano se dosti karo, aur audience ko slow poison dekar maaro!😂😂😂

A local magician exhorts him to believe and hope with all his heart to get things moving in life and he moves a bottle, then a mountain, but all the while, moves us to tears!And I don’t mean that in a good way! His man-child act is so farcical when you compare it to a Krish or to a Samar. Salman’s expressions are so contrived, he ends up caricaturing Laxman horribly. I didn’t even tear up once in what were intended to be emotional scenes. Words like goo, susu and potty sum up the humor quotient of the film. Toilet humor is so passe and yet the bhai bhakts were rolling in mirth! 😳

Chinese import Zhu Zhu is as bland as the cuisine of her land! 😂 Her son, Matin, is cute as a button but, this talkative munna is no match for the mute munni. And after watching such a jaded, preachy film, I’m speechless too! Again, not in a good way!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dumb and Number!

Chhota B(heem) reportedly celebrated Diwali with added gusto this year. Bada bhoj jo chaati se utar gaya hai! Firstly, the world is finally convinced that Beti B is no clone of a certain Vivek Oberoi neither does she have ‘TIGER’ish features 😀

Secondly, joh hamesha Bol Bachchan kehlata tha with no substantial work to his repertoire, is suddenly in the news thanks to a crackling performance in, well, no prizes for guessing…BOL BACHCHAN!

So, our Gol Bachchan gifted a chhota Cooper to Beti B for Diwali! Not a tricycle, not a ride-on….directly a Mini Cooper!!! That’s the difference between us ordinary mortals and the Bachchans!

Anyway, a few Aryabhatts even noted that Miss Kaif’s black Audi and the newest baby in the Bachchan stable (not Aaradhya) share the same numbers on their license plates ….hence, they must be consulting the same astrologist.

2882….Innocent looking numbers, right? Then, the dormant Aryabhatt in me woke up, and guess what! 2882….does this sequence mean anything?

Think, Think…

Bolo Bolo…Tell Tell… 😉

I’m all ears ….

Awaiting patiently (stifling yawn)…

O, damn you! 😉

28th. September is the day a certain Mr. Kapoor was born in the year ‘82!!!

Ain’t KAT one shrewd cat after all! Certainly not as innocent as she looks when she bats those mascaraed lashes at us.

KAT ka motivation main samajh sakti hoon, still scratching my pretty head as to why Babyshek’s hankering after the same numerals….unless….
UNLESS….

Someone’s hoping for a Dostana 3 to happen with Ranbir playing one of the 3 happy and GAY stooges 😀

Below: The Cut-Copy-Paste- Numberplates

Ab Tak Hai Yawn!

I loooove freebies! Who doesn’t??!! Ek pe ek free…ho hum! Ek pe do free….hmmm I’m listening! Ek pe teen free…alright, bring it on!!! Ek pe chaar free…..ooooh, orgasmic! 😉

JTHJ gives you 5 for the price of 1! A mish mash of several SRK greats- DDLJ, Fauji, Dil Se, Chak De and a generous dollop of Ghajini! Plus a liplock from the otherwise “celibate main leads” thrown in for good measure!

Certainly the last SRK- Yash Chopra collaboration, I had high expectations from the undisputed Kings of Romance, positioned in front of the camera, and behind.  They were good, like in all their previous ventures. Just not brilliant!

JTHJ showed me everything I’ve seen before, albeit done with greater finesse.

Samar Anand was a more haggard version of the Raj’s and Rahul’s we’ve seen in the past. Understandably so. But when one does all that he did two decades ago, I would say ‘Dude, move on!’

Akira was akin to our desi Shakira :D, jiggling and wiggling her lithe body dangerously. And if you thought she was loud in BBB, just wait till you watch her put even those deafening bombs to shame in JTHJ! 😀

And then, moving on to the poor little rich girl, whom all us envious girls love to hate. A pretty dumb bimbo- you can add a comma to the sentence if you like, and it’d still read the same! 😀

It’s embarrassing to watch Kat in the same frame as seasoned pros like a SRK or an Amitabh or even an Aamir. And no, it ain’t because of her clothes! 😉

KATS look best with someone from their own family- the TIGER!!! Now we all know that animals can’t act. They can only entertain and there’s a separate genre of mindless cinema conceived with them in mind. Sorry, I’m not BEING HUMAN now! 😀

But you now know where I’m heading- take all the Dabanggs & Mere Brother Ki Dulhans. But leave the Barfis, Rajneetis, Kahaanis & Talaashs to the experts.

Speaking of seasoned and mature, they say the older the wine, the headier it is. YRF served me old wine in a new bottle for Diwali. The hangover never came, and the yawns just won’t go! Would this continue till Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan! Scary thought, that!

BELOW: The ‘impotent’ wine that did nothing for me!