There’s KOMthing about Mary!

When Holiday released, the only clue that tipped me off about SonHATHI being a boxer were her bright neon XXXL BOXERS! 😆 So badly has the daughter of KHAMOSH sullied a boxing great’s image, Laila Ali must have definitely fallen BEHOSH 😆 😆 😆

MC Mary Kom certainly won’t go into a KOMA 😆 when she watches her biopic.

The story of Mary Kom- The Film tries hard to trace the life-story of Mary Kom- The Legend. Of her impoverished upbringing in an obscure Manipuri household, of her frugal education, of her fractured relationship with a conservative father, of the simmering anger within her, of her belligerent foray into a sport as intense and brutal as boxing, of her rise to fame and the subsequent bleakness of anonymity brought on by marriage and motherhood, and finally of her determination to redeem herself as one of Asia’s formidable pugilists.

Phew! Quite a commendable journey that! But Mr. SLB (Sanjay Leela Bhansali) insists on behaving like a SOB! 😉 😆 He liberally peppers fact with fiction. We want an unadulterated BIOPIC Mr. Bhansali. We never desired to BUY-YOUR-FIC(tion) 😉

The young Mary Kom, testosterone-ridden to the point of beating the shit outta every boy in Manipur, has been shown to join the sport only to give direction to the anger consuming her. Man(i)pur ki Man-eater, eh? 😉 😆
In reality, Kom took up boxing after being heavily inspired by another boxing luminary, Dingko Singh.

Which makes me wonder if SLB has shown Kom sharing such an uneasy equation with her father, just for the sake of melodrama. The real Papa Kom might have forbidden his daughter from taking up the sport as it would mar her pretty face and make her SCARY Kom instead 😆 😆 😆 which in turn would derail her chances of finding marriage alliances. But I’m not so sure if he was completely in the dark and learnt of his daughter’s advent into the sport only through the tabloids! I mean who does that, besides Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, breaking the news of her breakup to Vivek Oberoi in the TOI? 😉 😆

Before painting Papa Kom as a monster, SLB should have paused to reflect that woh ugaata hai Chaawal, ukhaadta nahi hai like the villainous Paresh Rawal! 😆 😆 😆

And I can bet my bottom dollar that Papa didn’t scream ATTACK! sitting in his living room for Mary to hear thousands of miles away that propelled her to deliver that winning blow! 😯 Sheesh! Aaj kal tadka gravies mein hi nahi, biographies mein bhi daalne lage hai! 😆

As if this wasn’t enough, there are plenty of product endorsements we must silently endure. Was Mankind’s Prega News Home Pregnancy Test available at the beginning of mankind 😆 😆 😆 considering Kom had her bonny boys close to a decade ago? 😉 😀 We are enlightened to the fact that Havmor ice-cream was her craving and are given a quick lesson in patriotism when the camera pans in on Tata Salt in her pantry. Aakhir Kom ne desh ka namak jo khaaya hai! 😯

Piggy Chops packs in quite a punch. After subtracting 1 point for her fake Manipuri accent (which sounded more like my Gurkha’s Nepalese btw 😆 😆 – Aai Shalaam Shaaib, tumrah bocha aaj khelne ko aaya nahi neeche) 😆 performance-wise, she stands neck-to-neck with her unbeatable Jhilmil. From now on, she’s officially Piggy BOX! 😉

Pee Cee’s spirited act is the only redeeming feature of this feature film. Sadly, that’s just what it is. An act. However superb! Wish they’d scratched beyond the surface of Mary Kom’s brawn. Woh toh already Wiki pe text form mein available hai FOR FREE! 😉

Now here are some pics that speak volumes about the real Mary Kom. Enjoy!

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Screw Dheela!

The debacle of Saawariya has indeed made the man a Baawariya! 😀 Who plants peacocks in the Rann of Kutch? 😯 True, Mr. SanjAESTHETIC Bhansali has a penchant for making every frame a visual treat, but peacocks in the middle of a stark desert?!? Really?!?

Furthermore, Bhansali has taken every conceivable liberty there is in his adaptation of Shakespeare’s classic. Now, don’t spill your coffee, but our desi RAMeo ekes out his living by running a…ahem… blue-film lending library!!! 😮 in the Raand of….oops Rann of Kutch! 😛

Leela, on the other hand, is easily the most wanton Juliet I have EVER seen! She just pounces on Ram and literally chews his lips off the FIRST time she sets eyes on him!!! Guys, any of you remember Claire Danes??? How innocent she seemed in every frame? How tentative and ‘sweet’ her kisses were? Leela seems like a pro(stitute) 😆 in comparison. She caresses Ram’s butt and even makes out with him in his Hall of Shame! I thought she was trying to outperform every one of those girls in Ram’s disc collection. 😛 Bhansali really should’ve roped in Sunny Leone to play Leela. The woman has the requisite expertise to pull off the raunchiness more convincingly and would have cut production costs considerably. 😆

SLB, in the future, must also remember to remunerate his dialogue writers more handsomely else there’s always the risk of his magnum opus passing off as a crude David Dhawan-esque sexfest. Leela actually quizzes Ram about ‘his size!’ 😯 No matter how horny one might be feeling, who in this day and age mouths lines like, ‘Green angoor aur peela kela!’ 😆 Sheesh! Looks like Bhansali is desperate to get Ram’s lending library to circulate his semi-porn flick after all!

BELOW: Hey Ram!

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