Clone Aunty Clone!

So, I was channel-flipping last evening and came to pause on Zee Cinema. Had I not, I’d never have stumbled onto one of the biggest cons in B-town history!

Ok, so getting to the point, there was a portly Rishi kAPPUr :lol:, doing his best to catch up to the sound of ghungrus and a white sari-clad figure who was actually ambling away πŸ˜€ in an eerie, foggy forest. Now I love such amateurish productions from the eighties. Ghoulish make-up, shoddy direction, OTT acting, loud music (pun intended!), laughable plots et al.

A tale of reincarnation, Rishi-I, a forest ranger by profession, loses his life and wife (well, Chanda was to become his bride soon) to a bunch of lustful goons. Rishi-II, a slick city-bred architect, lands up at the same place years later to take the story forward. So far so good. Nothing to rouse my suspicion that this is a seen there, borne that kind of a film πŸ˜†

Suddenly, a cavernous haveli comes into the frame and a massive ‘jhumar’ swings outta nowhere towards my unsuspecting face. Down, down, still lower and CRASH! The crystal monstrosity smothers and electrocutes the baddies.

At this point, I felt as befuddled as our protagonist. A powerful wave of deja vu rocked me. Where had I seen this ridiculous climax before? Where? Where? An ad break came and I was still scratching my head when the extremely catchy ‘Jumpin Japang Jumpak Jumpak’ cut through my thoughts.

And then I saw her! Farah CON! πŸ˜† That totli auntyji who’d cut-copied the climax of a film no one was ever likely to watch and pasted it into her over-hyped OSO. While she has credited the much-watched and loved Madhumati for inspiring her, she hasn’t said a word about lifting entire scenes from Janam Janam, probably out of sharam sharam πŸ˜†

Clearly, she took her punchline a tad too seriously. “Sirf Dekhne Ka Nahi…Lift bhi karneka!” πŸ˜€

Heaven knows why Rishi Kapoor hasn’t let the cat out of the bag yet! Either he’s forgotten he acted in OSO’s predecessor- Janam Janam is that forgettable a film! πŸ˜† Or he was too busy nervously chewing on his fingernails- Saawariya released the same day as OSO! πŸ˜›

Anyway, all’s well that ends well. Farah got what she deserved with Tees People, me included, lining up to Maarao Khan (her) when that dudfest Tees Maar Khan released! πŸ˜†

BELOW: Hai La! 😯 She hasn’t even spared iconic Mads here! πŸ™„

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Ab Tak Hai Yawn!

I loooove freebies! Who doesn’t??!! Ek pe ek free…ho hum! Ek pe do free….hmmm I’m listening! Ek pe teen free…alright, bring it on!!! Ek pe chaar free…..ooooh, orgasmic! πŸ˜‰

JTHJ gives you 5 for the price of 1! A mish mash of several SRK greats- DDLJ, Fauji, Dil Se, Chak De and a generous dollop of Ghajini! Plus a liplock from the otherwise “celibate main leads” thrown in for good measure!

Certainly the last SRK- Yash Chopra collaboration, I had high expectations from the undisputed Kings of Romance,Β positioned in front of the camera, and behind.Β  They were good, like in all their previous ventures. Just not brilliant!

JTHJ showed me everything I’ve seen before, albeit done with greater finesse.

Samar Anand was a more haggard version of the Raj’s and Rahul’s we’ve seen in the past. Understandably so. But when one does all that he did two decades ago, I would say ‘Dude, move on!’

Akira was akin to our desi Shakira :D, jiggling and wiggling her lithe body dangerously. And if you thought she was loud in BBB, just wait till you watch her put even those deafening bombs to shame in JTHJ! πŸ˜€

And then, moving on to the poor little rich girl, whom all us envious girls love to hate. A pretty dumb bimbo- you can add a comma to the sentence if you like, and it’d still read the same! πŸ˜€

It’s embarrassing to watch Kat in the same frame as seasoned pros like a SRK or an Amitabh or even an Aamir. And no, it ain’t because of her clothes! πŸ˜‰

KATS look best with someone from their own family- the TIGER!!! Now we all know that animals can’t act. They can only entertain and there’s a separate genre of mindless cinema conceived with them in mind. Sorry, I’m not BEING HUMAN now! πŸ˜€

But you now know where I’m heading- take all the Dabanggs & Mere Brother Ki Dulhans. But leave the Barfis, Rajneetis, KahaanisΒ & Talaashs to the experts.

Speaking of seasoned and mature, they say the older the wine, the headier it is. YRF served me old wine in a new bottle for Diwali. The hangover never came, and the yawns just won’t go! Would this continue till Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan! Scary thought, that!

BELOW: The ‘impotent’ wine that did nothing for me!