The Korean CHORean!

Given the rate at which the Suris and Bhatts of this world ‘MURDER’ unsuspecting Korean flicks- Coincidence they have a ‘Murder’ franchise?! 😆 I wouldn’t be surprised if our chinky-eyed brethren decide to stick churis up their butts! 😆 😆 😆

This time around, the Korean CHORean 😆 has rifled through his humongous South-East-Asian DVD collection yet again! In the process of toning down the gore, the Cut-Copy-Paste specialist has transformed a classic into an absolute bore! Ek Villain is pure tripe- terribly watered-down and pathetically farcical!

A look at the main characters:

Shraddha Kaoor as Ayesha. However, looking at her antics, I think she was still playing Aarohi FIRKI 😆

Sid MalHOTra as Guru. Way to go boy! From Student of the Year less than two years ago to Guru! Impressive!!! 😆

Riteish Deshmukh as Rakesh/ Rakshas Mahadkar

Aamna Sharif– Biwi kam, greedy zyaada. Not so sharif after all! 😉

Let’s start with the girl I love to hate! 😉 You didn’t think you could steal ARK from me and earn bouquets too, eh Shraddha? 😛

Scene 1: At Aarohi Shirke aka Aayesha’s adda.

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Yaaaaaaaaaa….Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! AAAOOOOOOOOOOOOch!!!! 😉

Looks like it indeed was a good screw! 😛 😆 😆 😆

Scene 2: In the Mahadkars’ kholi.

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Scene 3: Rakesh with the ultimate misogynist Kamaal R Khan at the pool.

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Scene 4: Guru moping at home.

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Scene 5: Now Guru miraculously chances upon Rakesh’s son in a church, telltale chakri in tow.

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Scene 6: Guru tails the cheeky lad who leads him (inadvertently) to his father. Each time Rakesh descends on his prey, Guru gets in the way.

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Scene 7: Frustrated, Rakesh tries to seek solace in a dance bar.

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In his drunken stupor, Rakesh is unaware that Guru shoves a GPS tracker up his arse. The graphics are a little too vivid for me to post them up here! 😉 😆

Scene 8: Later, that night at the Mahadkar residence. Mrs. Mahadkar rustles up an explosive dish. Daliya garnished liberally with Farty Aaloos. (humming softly) Meri daliya, daliya meri daliya, tujhe tadpaaye daliya meri daliya 😆 😀 😆

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The next morning, the tracker flew with a great velocity… and landed close to where Rakesh PAADHkar was squatting! 😆 😆 😆

On the railway tracks, of course!!! 😆 😆 😆

A sequel awaits! 😯

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To Cut A Long SOTY Chhoti

So, I wanted to catch SOTY the other day. This, despite knowing more about the film than probably KJo himself! 😀
But, man, did this movie whizz out of the theatres faster than a Diwali rocket or what???!!!! Not a SINGLE screen ANYWHERE in Mumbai dedicated to KJo’s Bollywoodish rendition of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire…why God, why???? 😉
Our desi Ron and Harry have the license to hit on both Hermione and Ginny; the only difference being Ginny here has no brother…sheesh, what were you thinking??!! 😛
Unlike their videshi counterparts, our hari puttars possess absolutely drool-worthy bodies…Plus the Bhaaratiya Dumbledore is overtly gay…it certainly couldn’t get better than this!
Then there’s that annoying ‘Anjali Anjali’, a KJo find from 14 years ago, who’s metamorphosed into one of the hottest female supporting actresses of the year. Not that I was dying to check her out! My husband was! 😀
Well, to cut a long SOTY short, the movie vanished out of the theaters faster than I could read its title! 😦

BELOW: Poster of the Year! Kudos to Jo for crunching in more alphabets than faces in such a tiny space.

Student of the Year REVEALED REVEALED REVEALED!!!!

While the entire nation waits with bated breath as to who’s the star of SOTY, I’m one of the few who already knows his name!

Jealous? Haan? Haan?? Bolo bolo, tell tell 🙂

Well, scroll down to know who

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It’s Siddharth Malhotra! Siddharth Malhotra!! Siddharth Malhotra!!!

He’s the man who gets both the trophy AND the gopi! 😉

Time to spill the beans on my ‘reliable source’- none other than my Darling Hubby!!! Hahahahhaha  🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

He has a gut feeling the lanky model from Delhi is the one who’ll strike it lucky in SOTY!

Before you dismiss his prediction, let me tell you that he ALWAYS gets it right! Be it the bhoot in Bhool Bhulaiyya or the twist in Kahaani or how Ek Main Aur Ek Tu would end, he’s always hit the bull’s eye! …And blinded the poor bull so many times!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Here’s Mr. Scriptwriter spewing some gyaan on his deductions:

“Sample this. Sid is a middle-class student, whose dedication lands him at the prestigious  St. Theresa’s  on a scholarship. Varun is the rebellious, spoilt rich brat, totally lost, aimless and clueless in life, whose only identity comes from being the son of a business magnate. You do the math. Alia has to get hitched to the more responsible, more grounded Sid, even though she’s indulged in her fair share of flirty fun with Varun.”

OKAYYYYY, makes sense so far.

And come to think of it, I’m inclined to agree with hubby as well. Here’s why:

I looooooooooooove Varun Dhawan and I honestly think he’s one of the best-looking newcomers on the B-Block. But I get the impression that KJo is fonder of Siddharth Malhotra than Varun. Check out every promo and you’ll see close-ups of Siddharth and long shots of Varun. This, even when Varun is the better dancer of the two! And then there’s the fact that KJo recommended Sid’s name to Ekta Kapoor and got him a plum deal with Balaji Films.

And then, there’s Alia’s body language. She loves Varun, albeit, in a platonic way. But she looks longingly at Sid, tells him coyly that she wants ‘more’ (whatever that means!)  in the ‘Radha’ song, caresses his face with a lingering finger, and generally shares more screen space with him than Varun. Plus, in the promotional poster below, she seems to be warding  Varun off completely….Okay, maybe I’m reading too much into her every move 😉

I’m not completely sold on Siddharth’s charm. He reminds me a lot of Sunil Shetty – angular face, thick lips and all 🙂 Oh, and not to forget, that visible discomfort while dancing and the stiff postures. Let’s hope he scores in the acting department, cuz as of now, I feel like gifting that golden goblet to his arch-rival Varun 🙂

As for Varun, there’s a certain cockiness to him- a lot like the arrogance Shahid Kapoor exudes. Is that why Karan prefers the humbler, non-filmi  background walla Siddharth?

Only time will tell. In this case, October 19 2012!