The Flying Sheekh!

Isn’t it ironic that my review on a film dealing with speed should come crawling almost a week after its release? 😯
The weekend saw me holed up at home for fear of getting bombed up, what with it marking the anniversary of one of many terror attacks that have rocked Mumbai in the recent past. Little did I know that catching Bhaag Milkha Bhaag would accomplish the same result. That film just blew my mind!

‘Bhaag Milkha Bhaag’ is an exhortation to our protagonist at crucial, defining moments in his life. It assumes the form of a guttural cry from a dying father to escape from the clutches of murderous zealots active at work during India’s Partition. The same sentence later transforms into a fervent prayer slipping past the lips of his coach at the Olympics Finals held in Rome. So quite a symbolic title that!

Anyway, the film opens with the said race. Everyone’s heard of the adage ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do.’ I’m sure Milkha Singh must have too. Being a distant relative of Santa Banta, he must have presumed that all they do is roam! 😆 SPOILERS AHEAD.

So roam he did! Instead of scrambling to achieve glory, our man began ambling away to glory! 😆 He bagged fourth place. To him it was life’s biggest disgrace.

The root cause of his dismal performance can be traced to the 1956 Olympics held in Melbourne. The voluptuous granddaughter of the Aussie coach must have hollered “Howdy mate?” and Milkha Singh must have interpreted the friendly greeting as “Let’s go mate!” 😆 It was evident we’d lost Milkha Singh cuz all I could see was MilKissing! 😆 Needless to say, India went Down Under in the races! 😆

I honestly don’t know how much of this biopic is fact and how much fiction. It seems rather incredible that the real Milkha Singh would have boasted so blatantly about his international conquests (albeit of a different kind!) 😛

The film ends with Milkha learning to slow down, to wrestle the demons that have been chasing him all his life and ending on a high- with a glorious nickname coined by a Pakistani at that!

With a run time of 3 hours and 10 minutes, the film is anything but racy! 😉 I shudder to think how much longer it’d be if the word ‘Bhaag’ wasn’t a significant part of its title! 😮

Watch this movie only for Farhan Akhtar. He’s as luscious as that juicy piece of sheekh! 😛 F&@#ing Hot with a capital F!

The performance he pitches in is the performance of a lifetime! He’s gotten so into the skin of his character, I’m sure he must be having trouble reverting to the Totla Akhtar he used to be! 😀

Sonam seems to be the new Sonakshi. A lucky mascot to propel a movie into the coveted 100-crore club. Anybody, absolutely anybody could have essayed her Biro. Even someone like Poonam (Pandey) who has a penchant for virile sportsmen. 😛 Come to think of it, maybe if she was around during the landmark finals and had promised to strip if he won, I bet my bottom dollar Milkha would not trip! 😆 😆

Uff, the confidence! I'm lovin' it!!! ;-)

Uff, the confidence! I’m lovin’ it!!! 😉


Far far far away from the theater! 😆

Before I proceed with giving you my impressions of Raanjhana, here’s a little something I need you to first do. Exercise those gray cells a wee bit. Remember that melodramatic Poop Song…oops… Soup Song 😆 that played more times a day than you blinked your eyes? 😀 Can you remember the lyrics to it, word for word? I shit you not! Raanjhana is the prose version of that inane poetry!!! Check it out:

white skin-u girl-u girl-u
girl-u heart-u black-u
eyes-u eyes-u meet-u meet-u
my future dark

why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di
why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di

hand la glass
wrist la slash-u 😆
eyes-u full-aa tear-u
empty life-u
girl-u come-u
life reverse gear-u
lovvu lovvu
oh my lovvu
you showed me bouv-u
cow-u cow-u holi cow-u
i want u hear now-u
god i m dying now-u
she is happy how-u
this song for soup boys-u
we dont have choice-u

Tsk tsk! Not at all a BHOLAVERY DIng to do. 😉

So, as you’ve gauged, there’s love-struck Kundan who’s ready to undergo even Mundan 😆 if only to hear Zoya respond to his umpteen proposals with a resounding YA.

In the intense scenes, which are like A LOT in the movie, Zoya is just about as palatable as that untouched dish of Soya! 😆 Who courts another Hindu lad when your folks beat up the first one you dated real bad?!? 😯 I’m aware that Sonam Kapoor is busy fighting hair fall. Did her brains fall off as well??? 😆 Sonu, mujhe naaz nahi hai tum par! 😆 😆 😆

And then there’s Abhay, the Nirbhay, a JNU student leader cum aspiring politician from Delhi with a raging fire in his belly. Enter Zoya and CRASH BOOM BANG! He comes down with a bad case of Delhi Belly! 😆 😆 😆

The fiery Dilliwala, who is shown spearheading the fight for Nirbhaya, is suddenly portrayed as a wimpy Dilwala, going even to the extent of conning Zoya’s folks by changing his name from Jasjeet to Akram! 😯 CHAKRAM if you ask me!!! 😆 😆 😆

Now, any sane love triangle would culminate with one of the heroes ending up as the magnanimous sacrificial bakra. Instead there were a couple of near- shaadis 😯 and a lot of barbaadis courtesy wrist-slashing and khoon splashing! Star-crossed lovers of yore might have done it and gotten away with it. But seriously! Wrist-slashing?!? In this day and age!!! 🙄 Guess Mr. Aanand L Rai doesn’t the Times of India buy! 😀 Acid-throwing attacks are making big news these days, Sir! Ilaahi bhi pak gaya hoga dekhke wohi kalaai pe baar baar silaai! 😆

Iske baad story mein aate hain itne saare twists and turns, they could put to shame even the prowess of Abbas MusTURN! 😆 😆 😆 After a frothy love story like YJHD, Raanjhana is a heavy-duty, broody, grey-at-the-edges kinda romance, the kind that will appease the tragedy-loving Shakespearean fans. I’m still reeling from the side-effects of such a bhaari bharkam storyline, after having exhausted a year’s-worth stock of Hajmola! 😀

If you must brave Raanjhana, here are two solid reasons to do so.

1. For Dhanush. The endearing charm he exudes on screen is second to none. No one from B-town, not even my current heartthrob Ranbir, can breathe life into Kundan’s character the way Dhanush has! Maybe it’s his un-impeccable Hindi, or maybe it’s his unassuming persona, but whatever it is, it clicks!

Apparently Kamaal R Khan, the male version of the abominable Rakhi Sawant 😆 😆 :lol:, thinks Kundan looks like a chamaar! 😯 Woh toh sirf
reel life mein aisa dikhta hai, tu toh real life main aisa dikhta hai saale bandar ki aulaad! 😀 Itna hi nahi, teri maa ne khud tera naam Chamaa-R Khan rakha!!! 😆 😆 😆

2. For Benares. Just like the magic of a Puchka exploding in your mouth is indescribable and needs to be savored to be believed, so it is with Raanjhanaa. For picture-postcard perfectness like splashes of a vivid vermillion against an azure sky, this movie is as good as they come!

BELOW: Awww..the real-life ‘Heer Ranjhanaa’.


Yo! Bhaag Milkha Bhaag..Aur Tezz Bhaag!!!

So, there was this intriguing full page ad of the Flying Sikh in today’s BT. A barely recognizable Farhan Akhtar looks pretty impressive in his get-up as India’s sprinting legend in Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra’s next.

When you have a title like Bhaag Milkha Bhaag, it follows that speed and time are of the essence. But when you have a release date set as…I kid you not!…July 12, 2013!!!  It’s like the mother of all ironies!!! 😆

July 2012 seems like a gazillion years away! Public memory being short, I doubt anybody would remember today’s poster 7 months hence (assuming there’s no further money pumped into periodic publicity). Such wasteful spending!

It’s a long wait…I just wish our ‘filmy’ Milkha would run faster into the theaters! 😀