Saif: The Male Kaif!

Lately, I find Saif relentlessly pulling off a Kaif! She plays dumb on celluloid and he in tabloids!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Sangat ka asar πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

What was that Sunny-Deolesque bhaari barkam dhai-kilo ka ‘baat’ πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ he recently threw in our faces? Eugenics, right?😨😷

That very term seems to have failed him terribly early on in life. Β Why else did he not walk the hallowed halls of Oxford University unlike the rest of his illustrious clan? Why else did he not hit a sixer like his acclaimed father? Although he certainly resembled one [read chhaka] πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ for the better part of his youth!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Bottomline: Eugenics should never ever be elaborated on by an erstwhile eunuch!!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚Woah..the alliterations in that one!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

His reasoning on why nepotism rocks is beyond bizarre. He says people should invest in pedigree because they are the likeliest to succeed in any given field. Brace yourselves guys! I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Jacckky ‘SHOWOFF’ (Bhagnani), Vivek O-BORE-BOI and Jaa [S]Imran Jaa (Khan) yet!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Eugenics also permit Abhishek to burn producers’ moolah and gaajars too πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ at the stake! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Investing in Eugenics has proved profitable at times but those have been far and few. Imagine if no one had tapped into Hrithik Roshan’s potential!!! 😱 That lad would still be twiddling his thumbs at home. All 3 of them!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I can just feel it in my bones that Sara Ali Khan is gonna shame ‘Eugenics’ and the ‘Promoter’ of that word real soon! What a karmic treat it’d be if she was to debut opposite Varun Dhawan in a disaster-of-a-film helmed by the Snooty Flag Bearer of Nepotism himself! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Kangana would certainly be like this πŸ‘‡

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Karma Deductions

July 15, 2017 is a date sure to go down in the annals of cinematic history.

Very rarely do you see pedigree shame itself. Three successful men, with roots in the industry deeper than those of that ancient banyan tree in your courtyard, made bumbling fools of themselves by proudly defending nepotism of all things in the world! 😳😳😳😷😷😷😷That too on national TV!!! 😱😱😱 Life truly imitated art, for indeed, we saw 3 Idiots for real on that day!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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Nepotism and its cousin, the infamous Casting Couch,.. remind me so much of Lord Voldemort! πŸ‘½ They who must never be named!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

On and off, several small-time starlets have summoned a mustard-seed-of-courage to speak up against these twin evils sullying the industry since its inception. We never did hear from them again. Their careers were finished before they could even begin!

And then came a woman with balls bigger than those of all the men collectively in Bollywood. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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The Queen Bee..tch .. Β is what these sissies call her behind her back! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

She hit a towering sixer when she asked the Sixer of Bollyland [Hrithik, who else πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚] to not hide behind his father but to deal with her directly in the open as he used to clandestinely deal with her behind closed doors in the past! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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She then locked horns with the frivolous KJo who we have been JLoing like his Hollywood counterpart. The cherry on the icing is that she did it on his own chat show!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

She called him out for ridiculing her accent when she was a struggler much to her co-guest, Saif Ali Khan’s discomfort. As if that wasn’t enough to set their mouths wide open, she left them with their jaws burrowed deep in their chest when she accused Johar (and rightly so) of being a “Snooty Flag Bearer of Nepotism” and a “Movie Mafia” of sorts. Her candor was so refreshing especially since half of the season could best be described as a diplomatic saga.

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Kangana’s a smart woman because she chose to wait for the right time to fight these bullies. When she’s at the top of her game without fear of being silenced like the not-so-fortunate newbies. When she’s so secure in her space that she refuses to worship the ground the movers and shakers of the film fraternity walk on. When nobody can topple her off the pinnacle because even if you consider all of them together, collectively they don’t possess even an iota of her talent!

I never was a huge fan of Kangana in her early days of acting. She cloned herself in every other release so much so that I couldn’t tell a Gangster apart from Woh Lamhe or even a Fashion.

And then came Once Upon A Time… and I was hooked onto the fabulous success story she single-handedly penned in this male-dominated world she was born to rule over.

I used to admire her bravado for lashing out against the cowards who doused her sister with acid but it was only earlier this year that I fell in love with her simplicity when she appeared on the Kapil Sharma Show with Shahid and laughed her guts out at Gutthi’s adorable antics.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ She laughed without restrain…without any fear of her mascara smudging or her foundation caking. She laughed like a child…not like how a woman is conditioned by society to laugh.

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And now I respect her because she spat out her grudges to the person who’d wronged her to his face and didn’t indulge in malicious gossip behind his back. She wasn’t overly sweet to him neither was she vindictive but she’d cleared the air between them and had KJo been mature about the whole thing, Dharma was sure to spring a blockbuster in the near future with the Queen, no less, at the helm.

But the man-baby had to cry on every shoulder he found. In London, whilst speaking to Anupama Chopra, the presumptuous old fart embarrassed himself by revealing that he was surprised Kangana even knew the meaning of Flag Bearer of Nepotism!!! 😎

Kangana herself had mentioned it to him that Anupama’s husband is her biggest well-wisher in the industry. Either KJo intended for the spite to reach Kangs’ ears loud and clear or he’s as dumb as the films he conceives to want to bare his bleeding heart to someone who clearly belongs in Camp Kangana!

Be as it may, he dug his own grave at the IIFA by dissing her when she wasn’t even around to defend herself. How cowardly! I’ve never doubted him being a sissy but the machismo Saif and Varun exude on screen has to be a sham! 😜Kangana has had no issue with both hitherto so their ass-kissing stunt, just to score a few brownie points from Johar, speaks volumes about their gentlemanly facade. Good thing that they aren’t gonna forget the dreadful taste of their feet in their mouth anytime soon!😎

Not sure about the fate of Dharma Productions, but Karma deductions for distasteful behaviour happened in full swing on that day!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

 

Dumb and HUMPer!

My lil tyke’s latest obsession is mobile phones. After dunking my husband’s Note in a bucketful of water, those cheap, China-made plastic mobiles you get outside Borivli station are the closest he’ll ever get to a cellphone! πŸ˜† Anyway, the first one we got him was a sleek BlackCherry!!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† He’s currently on his Naakia LOO-MEIN-AAA!!!!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

I find the names of these fakes highly amusing. Simply love the names they’re saddled with. EyeFone, Phony, Adidos..hell, even Yike! πŸ˜†

Humpty Sharma ki Dulhaniya (HSKD) is one such fake that felt more like an insult than a tribute to the evergreen romance story that is DDLJ. Debutant director Khaitan’s name itself is testament enough that he’s a massive PANKHA of the greatest love story of our times but my shanka of him butchering it beyond redemption proved to be true.

OK, so there’s dumb Alia from Ambala πŸ˜† who’ll settle for nothing less than a Manish Malhotra-designed-lehenga for her impending wedding. We’re told it costs a full five lakhs, the value obviously lost on Alia! Check it out:

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Off she trots to the capital with the capital in hand in pursuit of a lehenga but instead, ends up nanga! πŸ˜› So much for blowing up five lakhs on a lehenga! πŸ™„

Saari life besharmi ki heights, Ek Tu, Ek Main aur Ho dim dim yeh lights would make for the perfect background score for HUMPty BESHARM(a) takes his name rather literally! πŸ˜› After deflowering every filly in Dilli, he sets his sights on this exotic Ambala ki kali. Everyone knows that the smart-allecky gimmicks will eventually lead to a sizzling kiss. After all, Alia Emraan Hashmi aka non-stop smooch karnewala Amaron Kissme ki behen jo thehri! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜† Par jaise powder ke saath tikiya free aur toothpaste ke saath toothbrush free milta hai, yahaan smooch ke saath bahut koooch mila dekhne ko! πŸ˜†

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After kahi saari suhaag raatein, Alia leaves to get married to Sid aka Shiv from Balika Vadhu! 😯 Dhawan follows hoping to be THE ONE. Masquerading as a waiter, he dies by day. His reward? DO by night! πŸ˜› This movie indeed is a ROM(P)COM! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

Remember Lajja Shankar, the maniacal, fanatical villain from Sangharsh? (Coincidentally Alia played a young Zinta in that film) Brace yourselves, guys! He’s Alia’s baoji in the film. The director should have named him Lajja here cuz that’s exactly what he feels when he catches HUMPty Dumpty SITTING ON HIS DOLL!! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

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Baoji here is a softer-hearted version of the kadak Puri Raj couldn’t bite through in DDLJ. He promises Varun Alia’s hand in marriage if he can find one flaw in Sid. But Shiv, like his mythological namesake is perfect, having it all! Here’s what happens next:

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Sid is flabbergasted, but decides to give his alliance with Alia one last shot. He catches up with her in the sarson ka khet…the one she’s watering on Farmville!!! Excerpts from their conversation:

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Sid decides to try a different tack.

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Not the one to accept defeat, Sid decides to go easy on Alia and ask her some basic G.K. questions.

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Just then, Varun strides in so Sid decides to grill them both.

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Sid runs for his life. With Alia’s father’s blessings, of course! πŸ˜†

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Meanwhile, the two fools pledge their stupidity to each other for life among other things. They come home to Baoji to receive his blessings. Here’s what the newly-weds are gifted:

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THE END (THANK GOD!!!)

Student of the Year REVEALED REVEALED REVEALED!!!!

While the entire nation waits with bated breath as to who’s the star of SOTY, I’m one of the few who already knows his name!

Jealous? Haan? Haan?? Bolo bolo, tell tell πŸ™‚

Well, scroll down to know who

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It’s Siddharth Malhotra! Siddharth Malhotra!! Siddharth Malhotra!!!

He’s the man who gets both the trophy AND the gopi! πŸ˜‰

Time to spill the beans on my β€˜reliable source’- none other than my Darling Hubby!!! Hahahahhaha Β πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

He has a gut feeling the lanky model from Delhi is the one who’ll strike it lucky in SOTY!

Before you dismiss his prediction, let me tell you that he ALWAYS gets it right! Be it the bhoot in Bhool Bhulaiyya or the twist in Kahaani or how Ek Main Aur Ek Tu would end, he’s always hit the bull’s eye! …And blinded the poor bull so many times!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Here’s Mr. Scriptwriter spewing some gyaan on his deductions:

β€œSample this. Sid is a middle-class student, whose dedication lands him at the prestigious Β St. Theresa’sΒ  on a scholarship. Varun is the rebellious, spoilt rich brat, totally lost, aimless and clueless in life, whose only identity comes from being the son of a business magnate. You do the math. Alia has to get hitched to the more responsible, more grounded Sid, even though she’s indulged in her fair share of flirty fun with Varun.”

OKAYYYYY, makes sense so far.

And come to think of it, I’m inclined to agree with hubby as well. Here’s why:

I looooooooooooove Varun Dhawan and I honestly think he’s one of the best-looking newcomers on the B-Block. But I get the impression that KJo is fonder of Siddharth Malhotra than Varun. Check out every promo and you’ll see close-ups of Siddharth and long shots of Varun. This, even when Varun is the better dancer of the two! And then there’s the fact that KJo recommended Sid’s name to Ekta Kapoor and got him a plum deal with Balaji Films.

And then, there’s Alia’s body language. She loves Varun, albeit, in a platonic way. But she looks longingly at Sid, tells him coyly that she wants ‘more’ (whatever that means!) Β in the β€˜Radha’ song, caresses his face with a lingering finger, and generally shares more screen space with him than Varun. Plus, in the promotional poster below, she seems to be warding Β Varun off completely….Okay, maybe I’m reading too much into her every move πŸ˜‰

I’m not completely sold on Siddharth’s charm. He reminds me a lot of Sunil Shetty – angular face, thick lips and all πŸ™‚ Oh, and not to forget, that visible discomfort while dancing and the stiff postures. Let’s hope he scores in the acting department, cuz as of now, I feel like gifting that golden goblet to his arch-rival Varun πŸ™‚

As for Varun, there’s a certain cockiness to him- a lot like the arrogance Shahid Kapoor exudes. Is that why Karan prefers the humbler, non-filmi Β background walla Siddharth?

Only time will tell. In this case, October 19 2012!