Shear DAAYAN-amite!

As I sat watching Ek Thi Daayan, I couldn’t help wondering what her journey from DOYEN to DAAYAN would be like. Transitioning from the measly 21cm to the massive 70mm, Ekta’s would have been the most convincing of debuts in the history of B-Town. She does look like a witch and acts like a complete bitch, after all! 😛

See, I told ya! 😆


Anyway, getting back to the movie.

Who names their kid Bobo? 😯 😯 😯
That name was a BAFFLER alright! 😆 😆 😆

So baby Bobo from SoBo 🙄 is like the biggest dodo I’ve seen 😆 His fears include:

JAAL (the claustrophobic elevator that he believes descends beyond the ground floor into hell) 😯

BAAL (the Garnier long and strong choti of his wicked stepmom 😆 For the benefit of us dim-witted audience, she has also conveniently been named DAAYAN-AA/ Diana) 🙄

• And PAAL (the slimy gecko this psycho thinks she metamorphoses into) 😮

The fixation with the AALs continues into adulthood. Big Babol…oops…Bobo 😆 fasaaos a MAAL in his pyaar ka JAAL 😉 and the frisky couple also decide to cement their relationship by adopting a BAAL..this time it’s not the hair… :lol:….it’s a cutesy little baby bear!!! 😀

Enter the tongue twister Kalki Koechlin 😆 and all hell breaks loose. AAL izzzzz clearly not well! As sudden as lightning came the hallucinations, that made me go Hallelujah!!! The baffler had me so baffled by his weirdness that I had to tuck my lustrous long ponytail into my T-shirt for fear of having it chopped off! I mean, Mr. Amaron Kissme literally transformed into the Amaron Bunny, 😆 chasing every woman he saw with a long choti with an even longer pair of kainchis 😆 Tel endorsement deals gaye tel lene! 😀

The climax, as with all recent B-wood offerings, was the proverbial anticlimax. I won’t tell you who fuelled/ incensed whom and who duelled whom but if you’ve ever seen a Ramsay climax, you’ll find yourself appreciating it for its superb finesse 😆

There’s always the good, the bad and the ugly in every film. Let’s dissect them slowly, one by one (in the perverse way that a Daayan relishes dissecting her victims :wink:)

The Good:

• About ten years ago, RGV’s Bhoot had me jumping up every time my doorbell rang 😮 That’s the power of a brilliantly-visualized and executed set. ETD’s art direction is so damn eerie, the slithery lizards so frikkin’ creepy, the claustrophobic elevator and spooky corridors so terrifyingly creaky and Konkona’s reptilian smile so bloody freaky, I swear I’m not trying to take your mickey! 😀

The Bad:

• The name Bobo suits a retarded baboon better 😆 And every scare doesn’t have to be a nightmare/ hallucination 🙄 We prefer the regular real-time scares, thank you!

The Ugly:

Once a hardcore critic of the Ramsay brothers and their brand of cinema, they’ve earned a diehard fan post this one 😆

In a nutshell, ETD isn’t exactly path-breaking cinema but I’m glad it doesn’t pander to the Hollywood scarefest syndrome either. I’m talking to you Saif!

Chudails and Daayans are a relatively virgin premise in B-town and kudos to the team of ETD for having the guts to make such a big-budget film on the subject. But a whole is always a sum of its parts. While there are an ample number of spectacular parts in the film, particularly in the first half, the second half has been designed to make you laugh 😆 Hara-kiri or should I say HAIRY-kiri 😆 in the case of a psycho-horror film!

Still worth a watch. Who knows? You may actually end up including it in your disc collection!

BELOW: Interesting trampoline this! 😆



GENRE-ally Speaking…

There’s a reason why directors should stick to their genres. Ashutosh Gowariker should continue making period dramas, KJo family and teensy-boppy sagas, David Dhawan “senseless comedies” and Raju Hirani “sensible, thought provoking and soul-stirring cinema”. It’s when they stray out of their comfort zone that all hell breaks loose. Like an insufferable music director, who recently went on to direct, act, co-produce and bray in the biggest disaster of 2012! 😮

There’s another Jack-of-all-trades who wasn’t so bad at everything that he set out to do. Till lately, I had great respect for Mr. Bhardwaj. After all, he was the man who simplified some “heavy duty” Shakespearean bouncers for no-brainers like me! 😉

But, now, with MKBKM, the man has undone it all! Many I know came out of the theatre liking the rustic ‘political?’ satire. IMHO, Matru’s biggest Shatru was his highly polished’ Bombay Scottish’ zubaan that blew all earnest attempts at delivering an authentic Haryaanvi accent to smithereens.

Bijlee ( a reincarnation of Bulbul/ Shruti/ Ishika/Akira) struck me as highly unambitious. Always the one to fiercely cling to her comfort zone- a perpetual loudmouth spewing smart-ass comments, overtly (and shamelessly) sexual to the point of being a major tease, blatant dad(i)giri….this reads like an excerpt from Anushka Sharma’s resume! 😆

Kaise dekhe tujhe pyaar se baar baar usi same si boring avatar mein? Ab Tak Hai YAWN! 😆

MANDOLE Mera Tan dole – Harry Mandola’s intoxicating performance seriously has that effect on you! :mrgreen: I’m convinced now that he truly is Shahid Kapur’s dad- both supremely talented yet both f*@&ed by the fickle finger of fate, with success always at an arm’s length!

I don’t know what it is with stringing a bunch of names together to christen your film. But since VB resorted to this inane antic, adding one more name to an already loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong title wouldn’t have hurt. This is where I have a bone to pick with Sir Bhardwaj. For me, the true star in the film was undoubtedly Gulabi! I was tickled pink every time the bhains made an appearance, grinning oh-so-cutely! 😀

Gulabi muskaan jo teri dekhi, deewana yeh dil ho gaya! 😛


Oh wait! It’s still a load of gibberish 🙄