Senile Express

Rahul. Naam to suna hi hoga.

At precisely that moment, someone’s audacious cellphone chose to break into profanity.

Ae ya bagga, dont yap okay
one bloody kaanpat you’ll get na you’ll see stars in the day man
your bloody grandfathers aulaas

😯 😯 😆 😆 😆

Clearly, with an irreverent reply like that, King Khan’s thunder had been stolen! 😆 😆 😆

The audience in the theatre was undecided whether to laugh like jackasses at the sheer hilarity of the faux-pas or to chastise the cowering patron with a severe display of shocked outrageousness. Me…I’d slumped to the floor, rolling in mirth. That was the first time.

The second time, my brains dropped to the floor. Chennai Express had me floored. Oh no, I didn’t mean that in a good way! 😀 The blatant inanity of Rohit Shitty’s 😆 latest derailed my mind. A mindless spoof on films SRK and Rohit Shetty have been associated with in the past, this caricaturish film is essentially a dig at their individual bodies of work.

So, check it out. There’s a senile 40-year-old Rahul who prefers to party instead of heading to Rameshwaram to float his grandfather’s asthi!!! 😯 In retrospect, he really should have gone to the land of feni and given us the worth of our ticket money! 😉 Goa, after all, is Rohit Shetty’s forte.

But here is our man escorting a fully-clad village belle flanked on all sides by Raavanaa-type bails! 😆 😆 😆 The Southie hottie spouts an accent thicker than both her oiled plaits put together and multiplied by four! 😆

Punjabi munda turns into a roguish gunda. The sandook is temporarily forgotten for the bandook. Mr. Koyla (didn’t he act in a shitfest by the same name???) transforms into Mr. Koyta! 😆 His koyta is indeed magical! 😛 It uproots a moving vehicle in one go!!! 😯 I’ve been wielding the koyta for ages now and I can’t even manage to crack open a coconut without chipping the tiles on my kitchen floor 😀 So Sickle-ling! 😆

I must mention this one stomach-churning, gravity (and logic) defying fight sequence where SRK spits his gum on a frighteningly black, sweaty-faced, thug’s cheek. The impact of the collision sets him off like a rocket 😯 but not before the chewing gum, as if it sprouted wings, flies right back into SRK’s mouth!!! 😮

By jove, even RajiniCAN’t do something as outlandish as this!!! 😆 😆 😆 I’m sure the thug was trying to say ‘Wannakum’ and SRK misinterpreted it as ‘Wantyourgum’!!! 😆 😆 😆

SRK is supposed to battle Meenamma’s suitor named…now, get this! THONGBALL!!! 😯 😛 😉 😀 😆

There’s a lot of Tamil flying all over the place…more than even all the Bakaasura-type goons that SRK launches into outer space with his lethal stunts! 😀 The only good that can come out of watching CE is it will help a novice learn Tamil…without the aid of Rapidex!!! 😆 😆 😆

BELOW: Ready, Steady, (brains fall to the) FLOOR!!! 😆