Decoding kDO

Karan Jo really should have been christened Karan DOhar! 😀 The nation’s favorite filmmaker seems to have quite a penchant for the numeral in question. Look at him below. ROFL 😆 😆 😆

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His mantra is do se zyaada nahi! 😉 Before you think he’s been roped in by the Family Planning Commission as their brand ambassador 😆 😆 😆 ….sorry, joke of the century! 😆 ROFL…allow me to elaborate.

Barring his happy and “gay” camaraderie with King Khan 😉 and his fondness for erstwhile-friend-now-turned-foe, Kajol, no other artist has completed a hat trick in Dharma projects where Jo wielded the megaphone.

Rani Mukherji, some might say, successfully broke the jinx, as did Farida Jalal (remember the whacky grandma in KKHH who spouted hilarious lines like “Angrez chale gaye, Almeida chhod gaye”) 😆 😆 😆

But since cameos and bit appearances in song and dance sequences can’t really qualify as well-fleshed out, significant roles, I’ll be discounting those.

Some like Preity, Hrithik, Abhishek, and Kareena might not have had the Midas himself shaping each of their films under the Dharma banner but at least they were more fortunate than say a John, Ajay, Salman or a Saif who were ousted after just one collaboration.

Then there’s also KJo’s erstwhile strict policy of not roping in his leading ladies’ boyfriends to contend with. Poor Shahid never got a chance to set foot in the hallowed halls of Dharma. Neither will Akshay Kumar. Because of his karma, no entry into Dharma! 😛 😀 😆 Uski itni jurrat that he marries the (only) woman KJo ever pined for! 😆

Over time, KJo has gotten less rigid and mellowed quite a bit. He no longer is a jumpy, superstitious ‘K’-loving freak. He now ropes in real-life couples (think HSKD) and exes too! (YJHD) He has thankfully moved away from the soppy ‘Family is the alpha and omega of life’ to some more interesting genres. Thrillers, Romedies etc. I like that he’s sourced a fresh pool of talent to make Dharma the wholesome banner that it is and it’s heartening to see him hand over the directorial baton to the future of filmmaking in this country.

There’s his not-so-good side but overshadowing it is the brilliant side he’s revealed to us lately. A true-blue Gemini, wotsay?!?

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Dumb and HUMPer!

My lil tyke’s latest obsession is mobile phones. After dunking my husband’s Note in a bucketful of water, those cheap, China-made plastic mobiles you get outside Borivli station are the closest he’ll ever get to a cellphone! 😆 Anyway, the first one we got him was a sleek BlackCherry!!! 😆 😆 😆 He’s currently on his Naakia LOO-MEIN-AAA!!!!! 😆 😆 😆

I find the names of these fakes highly amusing. Simply love the names they’re saddled with. EyeFone, Phony, Adidos..hell, even Yike! 😆

Humpty Sharma ki Dulhaniya (HSKD) is one such fake that felt more like an insult than a tribute to the evergreen romance story that is DDLJ. Debutant director Khaitan’s name itself is testament enough that he’s a massive PANKHA of the greatest love story of our times but my shanka of him butchering it beyond redemption proved to be true.

OK, so there’s dumb Alia from Ambala 😆 who’ll settle for nothing less than a Manish Malhotra-designed-lehenga for her impending wedding. We’re told it costs a full five lakhs, the value obviously lost on Alia! Check it out:

Humpty 1

Humpty 2

Humpty 3

Off she trots to the capital with the capital in hand in pursuit of a lehenga but instead, ends up nanga! 😛 So much for blowing up five lakhs on a lehenga! 🙄

Saari life besharmi ki heights, Ek Tu, Ek Main aur Ho dim dim yeh lights would make for the perfect background score for HUMPty BESHARM(a) takes his name rather literally! 😛 After deflowering every filly in Dilli, he sets his sights on this exotic Ambala ki kali. Everyone knows that the smart-allecky gimmicks will eventually lead to a sizzling kiss. After all, Alia Emraan Hashmi aka non-stop smooch karnewala Amaron Kissme ki behen jo thehri! 😉 😆 Par jaise powder ke saath tikiya free aur toothpaste ke saath toothbrush free milta hai, yahaan smooch ke saath bahut koooch mila dekhne ko! 😆

Humpty 4

After kahi saari suhaag raatein, Alia leaves to get married to Sid aka Shiv from Balika Vadhu! 😯 Dhawan follows hoping to be THE ONE. Masquerading as a waiter, he dies by day. His reward? DO by night! 😛 This movie indeed is a ROM(P)COM! 😆 😆 😆

Remember Lajja Shankar, the maniacal, fanatical villain from Sangharsh? (Coincidentally Alia played a young Zinta in that film) Brace yourselves, guys! He’s Alia’s baoji in the film. The director should have named him Lajja here cuz that’s exactly what he feels when he catches HUMPty Dumpty SITTING ON HIS DOLL!! 😆 😆 😆

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Baoji here is a softer-hearted version of the kadak Puri Raj couldn’t bite through in DDLJ. He promises Varun Alia’s hand in marriage if he can find one flaw in Sid. But Shiv, like his mythological namesake is perfect, having it all! Here’s what happens next:

Humpty 5

Sid is flabbergasted, but decides to give his alliance with Alia one last shot. He catches up with her in the sarson ka khet…the one she’s watering on Farmville!!! Excerpts from their conversation:

Humpty 6

Humpty 7

Humpty 8

Humpty 9

Sid decides to try a different tack.

Humpty 10

Humpty 13

Humpty 14

Not the one to accept defeat, Sid decides to go easy on Alia and ask her some basic G.K. questions.

Humpty 11

Humpty 15

Just then, Varun strides in so Sid decides to grill them both.

Humpty 16

Humpty 17

Sid runs for his life. With Alia’s father’s blessings, of course! 😆

Humpty 18

Meanwhile, the two fools pledge their stupidity to each other for life among other things. They come home to Baoji to receive his blessings. Here’s what the newly-weds are gifted:

Humpty 19

THE END (THANK GOD!!!)

aYAWN DUKHDARDji- Only a one-film wonder?

Itna gussa kyun aa raha hai
Tune scenes lift karke film mein milaya
Dugna gussa kyun chaa raha hai
Pehle se humne yeh sab kuch hai dekha

I shit you not! There’s so much Cut-Copy-Paste happening in Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani, it’s not even funny! 😀

Firstly, there’s the name ‘Naina’ lifted straight off from KHNH. As if gouging out the ‘nainas’ wasn’t enough, Ayan had to go rob even her dark-rimmed spectacles!!! 🙄

There’s also that classic DDLJ scene that had us all dying to kick Kajol’s rotund butt :lol:, only to make her run faster and hop aboard that life-changing train to Zurich. Looking at Miss Padukone’s looooooong strides, my giggly gal pals wondered aloud if our desi train that was budging along grudgingly had to do the catching up! 😆 😆 😆

If Aashiqui 2 symbolized Good Friday to Aditya Roy Kapoor’s fans, YJHD represents Easter! The beudah has risen back to life and how! Silly banter caused us to erupt into further noisy giggles. We agreed that he’d signed on YJHD purely because his co-star is named RUM BEER!!!! 😆 😆 😆

As if to placate all the feathers he might have ruffled, Ayaan resorts to blatant plagiarism from his own accomplished directorial debut, Wake Up Sid! 😯 sAYAANa, that’s what the lad is! 😉

I thought these lines from one of his songs fitting for the master plagiarist 😀

Aaj abhi maine tera boycott kar diya
Teri saari harqatein main toh note karu
Tujhe thaane mein le jaake main report karu
😆

He should have actually considered christening his second labour of love, ‘Wake Up Kids!’ His 21-year old kids are surprisingly quite slow on the uptake. For example, Dips, an aspiring doctor, is prejudiced enough to believe that babies can be born to one only after marriage! 😯 There goes KJo’s dream of fathering a biological child as a single parent!!! 😆 😆 😆

The scene expectedly elicited the wrath of a very liberal-minded friend, who was aghast at such regressive dialogues.”‘Made for the Youth by the Youth’ MY FOOT!” she grumbled. “More like, ‘Made for the Youth by a Ch*#t!’” she thundered. 😆 😆 😆

Moving over to the performances. Boasting of a stellar star cast, YJHD cannot be faulted in this particular department.

I’ve already touched upon Aditya Roy Kapoor’s DAARU…Oooops…SAARU act! 😀
From alleged Daayan to purported Lesbian, Kalki can rock it all! 😛

That there can never be smoke without fire is amply proven by the smoldering chemistry between the leads. These two aren’t done with each other, professionally and personally! All I could think of whenever they came on screen was, ‘Dude, go get a room!’ 😉

Here’s my proof 😉

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But good acting + a mediocre story = a forgettable film. I was sorely disappointed that YJHD turned out to be nothing more than a glossy and glorified version of WUS! Only with a generous tadka of romance, bromance and dance! I expected so so so so so much more from Ayaan. Instead, all I could manage was A(big)YAWN! 😆

Here’s a link to the press conference. It’s so much more entertaining!

To Cut A Long SOTY Chhoti

So, I wanted to catch SOTY the other day. This, despite knowing more about the film than probably KJo himself! 😀
But, man, did this movie whizz out of the theatres faster than a Diwali rocket or what???!!!! Not a SINGLE screen ANYWHERE in Mumbai dedicated to KJo’s Bollywoodish rendition of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire…why God, why???? 😉
Our desi Ron and Harry have the license to hit on both Hermione and Ginny; the only difference being Ginny here has no brother…sheesh, what were you thinking??!! 😛
Unlike their videshi counterparts, our hari puttars possess absolutely drool-worthy bodies…Plus the Bhaaratiya Dumbledore is overtly gay…it certainly couldn’t get better than this!
Then there’s that annoying ‘Anjali Anjali’, a KJo find from 14 years ago, who’s metamorphosed into one of the hottest female supporting actresses of the year. Not that I was dying to check her out! My husband was! 😀
Well, to cut a long SOTY short, the movie vanished out of the theaters faster than I could read its title! 😦

BELOW: Poster of the Year! Kudos to Jo for crunching in more alphabets than faces in such a tiny space.

Dumb and Number!

Chhota B(heem) reportedly celebrated Diwali with added gusto this year. Bada bhoj jo chaati se utar gaya hai! Firstly, the world is finally convinced that Beti B is no clone of a certain Vivek Oberoi neither does she have ‘TIGER’ish features 😀

Secondly, joh hamesha Bol Bachchan kehlata tha with no substantial work to his repertoire, is suddenly in the news thanks to a crackling performance in, well, no prizes for guessing…BOL BACHCHAN!

So, our Gol Bachchan gifted a chhota Cooper to Beti B for Diwali! Not a tricycle, not a ride-on….directly a Mini Cooper!!! That’s the difference between us ordinary mortals and the Bachchans!

Anyway, a few Aryabhatts even noted that Miss Kaif’s black Audi and the newest baby in the Bachchan stable (not Aaradhya) share the same numbers on their license plates ….hence, they must be consulting the same astrologist.

2882….Innocent looking numbers, right? Then, the dormant Aryabhatt in me woke up, and guess what! 2882….does this sequence mean anything?

Think, Think…

Bolo Bolo…Tell Tell… 😉

I’m all ears ….

Awaiting patiently (stifling yawn)…

O, damn you! 😉

28th. September is the day a certain Mr. Kapoor was born in the year ‘82!!!

Ain’t KAT one shrewd cat after all! Certainly not as innocent as she looks when she bats those mascaraed lashes at us.

KAT ka motivation main samajh sakti hoon, still scratching my pretty head as to why Babyshek’s hankering after the same numerals….unless….
UNLESS….

Someone’s hoping for a Dostana 3 to happen with Ranbir playing one of the 3 happy and GAY stooges 😀

Below: The Cut-Copy-Paste- Numberplates

Ton of Sardar(d)!

Wow! It’s been ages since a much-hyped Bolly flick with an A-list star cast made me scramble for my migraine pills! SOS is THAT bad!!!

Everything about this movie is sooooo pointless! Right from Ajay falling at Akshay Kumar’s feet for the title of the film to his unconvincing Sikh getup. I won’t even elaborate on Sonakshi’s stale look and wholesale hamming. And, not to forget, everything from the ridiculous family feud tearing up the lovers to Sanju Baba who looks like a bheegi billi…. Oops, Billu, 🙂 in this moronic saga after scaring the s••• outta us as Kancha 😉

Even the notice slapped on YRF for hogging single screens across the country seems like such a futile exercise, now that we know that SOS is nothing more than a big, fat Diwali dud! Some put it down to pure bad karma, what with ADF losing the industry’s goodwill and all!

What was Ajay Devgn thinking, fighting tooth and nail, for more runs of SOS??? Make the whole nation rub its temples furiously instead of visiting our fabulously lit-up temples? 😛

Devgn should learn to stick to plain acting. Producing and direction aren’t his forte. Every movie he’s been associated with, in capacities other than acting, right from Raju Chacha in the last millennium 😀 to SOS, have been certified flops! When will he learn? Kadhi shiknaar re tu??? Satakli re, satakli! Aata maajhi satakli! 😀

Sorry yaar, Diwaali bekaar with Son of Sardar!

Sonu, hand that hot water bag to me, pleej 😉

Student of the Year REVEALED REVEALED REVEALED!!!!

While the entire nation waits with bated breath as to who’s the star of SOTY, I’m one of the few who already knows his name!

Jealous? Haan? Haan?? Bolo bolo, tell tell 🙂

Well, scroll down to know who

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It’s Siddharth Malhotra! Siddharth Malhotra!! Siddharth Malhotra!!!

He’s the man who gets both the trophy AND the gopi! 😉

Time to spill the beans on my ‘reliable source’- none other than my Darling Hubby!!! Hahahahhaha  🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

He has a gut feeling the lanky model from Delhi is the one who’ll strike it lucky in SOTY!

Before you dismiss his prediction, let me tell you that he ALWAYS gets it right! Be it the bhoot in Bhool Bhulaiyya or the twist in Kahaani or how Ek Main Aur Ek Tu would end, he’s always hit the bull’s eye! …And blinded the poor bull so many times!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Here’s Mr. Scriptwriter spewing some gyaan on his deductions:

“Sample this. Sid is a middle-class student, whose dedication lands him at the prestigious  St. Theresa’s  on a scholarship. Varun is the rebellious, spoilt rich brat, totally lost, aimless and clueless in life, whose only identity comes from being the son of a business magnate. You do the math. Alia has to get hitched to the more responsible, more grounded Sid, even though she’s indulged in her fair share of flirty fun with Varun.”

OKAYYYYY, makes sense so far.

And come to think of it, I’m inclined to agree with hubby as well. Here’s why:

I looooooooooooove Varun Dhawan and I honestly think he’s one of the best-looking newcomers on the B-Block. But I get the impression that KJo is fonder of Siddharth Malhotra than Varun. Check out every promo and you’ll see close-ups of Siddharth and long shots of Varun. This, even when Varun is the better dancer of the two! And then there’s the fact that KJo recommended Sid’s name to Ekta Kapoor and got him a plum deal with Balaji Films.

And then, there’s Alia’s body language. She loves Varun, albeit, in a platonic way. But she looks longingly at Sid, tells him coyly that she wants ‘more’ (whatever that means!)  in the ‘Radha’ song, caresses his face with a lingering finger, and generally shares more screen space with him than Varun. Plus, in the promotional poster below, she seems to be warding  Varun off completely….Okay, maybe I’m reading too much into her every move 😉

I’m not completely sold on Siddharth’s charm. He reminds me a lot of Sunil Shetty – angular face, thick lips and all 🙂 Oh, and not to forget, that visible discomfort while dancing and the stiff postures. Let’s hope he scores in the acting department, cuz as of now, I feel like gifting that golden goblet to his arch-rival Varun 🙂

As for Varun, there’s a certain cockiness to him- a lot like the arrogance Shahid Kapoor exudes. Is that why Karan prefers the humbler, non-filmi  background walla Siddharth?

Only time will tell. In this case, October 19 2012!